


SPY KIDS x SHARKBOY: A DREAMS RECKONING

by SkyHighDreamer



Series: SPY KIDS x SHARKBOY: THE SPY WARS [1]
Category: Spy Kids (Movies), The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D (2005)
Genre: Censorship, Dreams, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreams vs. Reality, Multi, Rebellion, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 32
Words: 31,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24477652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyHighDreamer/pseuds/SkyHighDreamer
Summary: O.S.S vs. A.S.S: enemy’s pitted against eachother sense what seems to be the beginning of time, but the endgame is coming for one of them. So question is, who will win, good guys or bad guys? Needless to say they will clash and soon reach the answer.
Series: SPY KIDS x SHARKBOY: THE SPY WARS [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2003620
Comments: 96
Kudos: 20





	1. LIGHTNING STRIKES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, its me Skyler :) But you can call me SkyHighDreamer. So basicaly as a lifelong fan of both SPY KIDS and SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL franchises (Troublemaker Studios directed by Robert Rodriggez) So I have always wonder… what would happen if WORLDS COLIDE and heros and villians FACE OFF? But now thanks to my writing mind wonder no longer :) Featuring end of chapter commentery from my film major big bro (Leighton) at the end of each chap chap! So needless to say things are gonna get heated so kick back and buckle in and LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!
> 
> Reminder before things start but SPY KIDS 4 IS NOT CANON. Personally it was a DISGRACE to the franchise (older bro Leighton agrees) and as such will be IGNORED as the travesty it is.

DATE: FEBUARY 13 202X  
TIME: SUNDAY MORNING 10:00 AM  
SETTING: O.S.S HQ

So as the sun raised up that morning its a real pretty morning for the spy's working in there offices at O.S.S: ORGANISATION OF SUPER SPY'S. And sitting in his 2nd floor cubicle reading the daily papers is the greatest spy at O.S.S. Needless to say its JUNY CORTES of fame who saves the world with heroism not once not twice but THRICE as seen in the SPY KIDS movies. So its been awhile sense the last movie and now Junys not the kid he use to be. Poking out of his greece stained and coffee splash Walmart polo is his hairy fupa, and clinging to his nose were a pear of square frame spectacles. His soggy flassid man t*ts were also a pear of spectacles if your get what Im putting down. So in my opinion he looks like a right proper mess: fat bod, empty bank account, his email inbox full of endless white businessmen: no gym, no gems, just Jim after Jim after Jim.

So again I say it: right f***ing proper mess. For a "June-y" Cortes hes no sweet summer child anymore: more like a old withered OCTOBER-Y Cortes right at the end of his great fall and soon to the death of winter. Lfiting a Mcdonald $3 dollar valu menu chicken bisky to his mouth he bites right in. His teeth were award winning and by that I mean you can see the PLACK hanging off a them. Those chompers are so revolting they might of well be holding picket signs.

JUNY: God my life is a f***ing s**tshow. (He sits on his computer rollie chair: the springs creak in pain)

So tiping on his computer Juny remembers what his jobs today: to look thru the STOLEN DOCUMENTS from the A.S.S: ACOSSICATION OF SINISTER SPY'S, the evil counter part to the O.S.S: ORGANISATION OF SUPER SPY'S. In the leak documents are the cordinents to the A.S.S secret HQ with which can be use to destroy them PERMANETLY.

JUNY: Guess todays the day we find the A.S.S cordinents and end the spy war (chuckles) well lets hop right to it.

Juny pops open the dox as chicken bisky crumbs roll down his flab gut. So sense he is so fat now his shirt looking more like a croptop then a shirt exposes his belly button. Needless to say the bisky crumbs bunch up right there in his belly button. Many bits and peaces form past breaksfast are there too: stale bread bits gelled together with gray ooze.

JUNY: What the f***? (a popup appears instead of the leaked dox)

COMPUTER: Windows is now restarting

So Juny sighing and gasping waits for the PC to restart: BIG MISTAKE. As the computer reboots slowly (unlike crusty old Juny it cant get started up with Exxon mobile coffee and chicken bisky) a message appears saying ALL FILES HAVE BEEN ENCRIPTED. Meaning they are coded beyond comprehend. Needless to say Juny nearly chokes his chicken seeing this news.

JUNY: Your kidding right!

(Image appears on computer screen: a MEXICAN FACE on a ELECTRIC BALL BODY.)

MR ELECTRIC.EXE: WATTS up?

JUNY: This is gotta be a joke... your Mr Electric who arrived to earth from Planet drool several months ago. But wait, its impossible you were destroyed into ash. (as seen in THE ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL)

MR ELECTRIC.EXE: The truth HERTZ Juny but my remains are picked up by nearby cell towers and now I live on as a deadly computer virus meaning encripting and censoring dox is just PLUG AND PLAY for me now. 

JUNY: Your sick!

MR ELECTRIC.EXE: Just taking orders, the A.S.S sends there best regards

So with that the computer is bricked exploding into smoking ash and computer chips. Juny gaping is lost for words realising that the A.S.S has huge tactical advantidge over O.S.S now. Needless to say spy wars is only beginning…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, readers. This is Sky’s brother, Leighton, here to provide some end commentary on this chapter. Since she asked me so nicely, I couldn’t just say no to my little sis, and I promised her I’d help her out with her writing endeavors anyway. While Robert Rodriguez has been known to make riskier and less mainstream films in the past, such as Predators, I believe that this once-esteemed director sullied his track record later on with entries such as Spy Kids — an attempt to entertain both parents and children yet failing at both. This unwieldy split focus really damaged the material, and I support my sister’s goal in narrowing his vision into something more palpable for a set, specific demographic: now-older fans of the original works. Of course, even the roughest of gems can still sparkle and allure. Sky merely intends to help add that polish!
> 
> Go for it, Sky! Your original take on Mr. Electric proves your strong creative energy, and I am sure that before too long, you can surpass even Rodriguez at his own game. I’ll be here, cheering you on from the sidelines. For now, hasta la vista!


	2. SOFTENED UP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you made it to the next chap chap nice :) My school freinds and I have been signing up for archive so hopefuly we gets alot of readers. Needless to say tho this next chapter does come with a GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING cause of extreme and violence behaviers. I say this ahead of time as all my freinds know: this is a strictly ANTI-CENSORSHIP ACCOUNT! So really in my opinion in current american media FAR TOO MANY channels and producers CENSOR there works to make it more consumable to the audiance. So to stop America from falling to orwellian plots this is a strictly ANTI CENSORSHOP STORY. Thank you for your understanding :)
> 
> FURTHERMORE: If the following content offends you KINDLY KEEP IT TO YOURSELF as complains about content being graphic will be considered ATTACKING my viewpoint and may or may not face deleting (THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOVE AROUND U.)
> 
> Enjoy the chap chap

DATE: FEBUARY 13 202X  
TIME: SUNDAY MORNING 10:10 AM  
SETTING: O.S.S HQ

The coffee man whimpering loudly as he wheels his cart into the big room that says: BOSS SPY MAIN OFFICE. So here in this room is where the BOSS SPY does his operations: covert SPEC OPS PREPERATIONS that are very very important to O.S.S and past the doorway the coffee man goes. Needless to say the coffee jiggles about on the cart as he walts right in. Gulping as he sees the BOSS SPY: his silowette as black as the dark: his office rollie chair leathered with HUMAN SKIN. So also various heads of PAST but now DEAD A.S.S AGENTS are mounted like hunted game but for the Boss Spy hunting is anything but a game: its the REAL DEAL. Last but not least a holstered MASHETE dangles from the wall making the coffee man want to cry.

COFFEE MAN: Your coffee sir.... (basically already sobbing as he passes to him the coffee: a ICED SUNDAY CUP filled with DOUBLE CHOCO FRAPPAY and WHIP CREAM.)

BOSS SPY: About time pendejo. (sniff sniff) Aye claro whats that sugery smell?

COFFEE MAN: (breaks into sweats) Y-your coffee sir...! (ready's to book it)

So Boss Spy swivels round in his chair to take the candy coffee revealing none other then MASHETE the esteemed uncle of Juny Cortes and FAMED KILLER of many many criminals... and INNOCENCE too.

MASHETE: Pendejo I told you no more of this pussy coffee, Mashete likes his coffee like his criminals.

COFFEE MAN: B-b-black!??

Wow, the coffee man is a f***ing racist B*STARD.

MASHETE: No, freshly ground without anything sweet about it

So Mashete sick of being disapponted by Coffee man reached to the wall and gets his trusty MASHETE: many enemy's of the O.S.S were brutally murder this way and now an other one is getting added to the cue. Needless to say Coffee Man screams as 1st slash went across his belly. 

SHLING SHLANG SHLANG

With that VIOLENT ACT the innerds of COFFEE MAN go sliding to the ground and as he begs for his life Coffee man try's holding his guts in his tummy. So its no use as Mashete went for the 2nd slash following up:

SHLAAAAAANNNNGGGG

COFFEE MAN: Oh f**k----

Brains spattering against the walls as the head of Coffee Man explodes into bits and suddenly from nowhere JUNY CORTES enters the office only to get brains in his face. Needless to say he winses: I mean hes got gross person brains on his face so I WOULD AS WELL. Mashete smirking bended down and rifles thru the pockets of Coffee Man quickly finding a A.S.S MEMBER SHIP CARD: another gut mountain made out of a mole shill.

JUNY: What the f*** happens here?

MASHETE: This A.S.S tw*t poisened my coffee (takes a sip and spits it out) a**hole pendejo.

JUNY: Uncle mashete I have told you: this killing is WRONG.

MASHETE: Yeah fat f**k? (he slaps Juny on his GUT) You are gettin soft and I mean that in MORE THEN 1 WAY.

Wow, Mashete really got under his nephews skin there: you can pratically see him SEETHEING.

JUNY: Oh p*ss off Mashete theres something important you have to know, the O.S.S network is infected with the new virus that calls itself MR ELECTRIC.EXE: it has recently bricked my computer!

MASHETE: Bullsh*t Juny Mr Electric died months ago. (booting up his computer only to be greeted by a electric ball that looks like GEORGE LOPEZ: needless to say not a pleasent suprise)

MR ELECTRIC.EXE: Lights out for your computer too! (the computer blows up)

MASHETE: Chinga tu madre this is unaceptable! There is only 1 thing we can do Juny, so we need you to go find the person who dreams up Mr Electric and ASSASSINATE HIM.

JUNY: You want me to kill the DREAMER, MAX? (from THE ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL)

Mashete grinning knows this will help unsoften Juny. Needless to say Juny has become quite soft and has forgot that real spy work sometime mean SPILLED BLOOD and GORE. And maybe in the process fat ol Juny can burn off a few chicken bisky's too.

MASHETE: Yes

JUNY: But Uncle Mashete thats cruel.

MASHETE: I am BOSS SPY so you have no choice.

JUNY: Ah f**k your right...

So things are really heating up: what will happen next time as the spy wars just get worse and worse??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, readers! It's me, Skyler's big brother, Leighton; I've returned to give some commentary on the events of this chapter, or this "chap chap", as Sky so often likes to put it. So without further ado, let's get our hands dirty and dig right into this dessert, shall we?
> 
> For starters, I would like to praise Sky's hard stance against censorship and how she uses her creative works to help combat this plague on American free speech. If you use social media or peruse the modern day film offerings such as I, you know as well as I do that censorship is not only commonplace, but encouraged in the current climate! Localization changes, blurring of graphic imagery, the removal of controversial statements — you name it, the corporate elite has done it. And worst of all, the so-called "social justice warriors" that we've come to fear as a society oftentimes cheer these proverbial blackouts on as if they were a popular football team. Quite frankly, it makes me sick!
> 
> The metaphor I am seeing in this chapter between Machete and Juni is that of reality versus censorship: while Machete embraces grisly actuality for how it is, Juni hides behind platitudes of pacifism, not realizing that this world is a rugged, violent place indeed. Unfortunately for Juni, a rude awakening is surely incoming, and based on how Sky talks about this story's progression, I can assure you that what's coming up will hardly be pretty. It's your job to prove yourself better than Juni by reading onward and showing courage in the face of how the world truly is. It's either that, or cowering behind the curtain of censorship: a coward's fate.
> 
> But that's just one reading of the text, after all. For now, hasta la vista!


	3. THE SIGHTS OF THE BARREL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day another chap chap :) So what I really like about writing on the archive is that I can BE MYSELF and write whatever brand new thoughts are in MY MIND and in MY MIND ALONE. Needless to say thats no filters no censorship: just you me and MY CREATIVE ENERGY. Still tho I am fine with friends like Hanna reading it makes you wonder what if everyone knew about my account :| Like what if it was Farley from school: it would be embarasing cause I find him REALLY CUTE. So you know the type: BROWN HAIR, GREEN EYES, and one of those nose with the brown dots on it: OH MY GOD. :) Not that Farley would ever be interest in me lol. I'm just TOO OUT THERE.
> 
> Needless to say tho: that's why I am SkyHighDreamer and not NormalOldDreamer. Cause if I was ready to settle for less then theres probs 100 boys or more I could of gone for already: but YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. Not to toot my own horn or anything :)
> 
> Warning: there is a PLOT TWIST this chapter so please NO SPOILERS.

DATE: FEBUARY 13 202X  
TIME: SUNDAY AFTERNOON 3:30 PM  
SETTING: A QUAINT LITTLE TOWN

Or so it use to be. Needless to say the events of THE ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL shook this little podunk to the core: seems that the fearsome MR ELECTRIC desending upon a town like this doesnt just blow over easy. So now the streets are litter will BILLBOARDS for events and products themed after the strange events that happen in town that day: SHARKBOY TEETH SHARPENERS, and LAVAGIRL MATCHSTICKS, and PLANET DROOL PUTTY: toys for kids who want to dream just like the DREAMER BOY MAX did. And also nearby are insideous CELL TOWERS which unknown to every one else would be responsible for creating the new A.S.S virus: MR ELECTRIC.EXE.

Suddenly a O.S.S limo pulling into a parking spot: getting off the enterstate is JUNY CORTES parking in the homey looking country restraint parking lot: CRACKER BARREL. Needless to say Junys tummy is grumbling: its been a hot minute sense he had that chicken bisky for breakfast. His two goals now? ASSASSINATE the DREAMER BOY MAX and get a quick bite. So seems like theres gonna be a steaming hot bisky in Junys belly... and a steaming hot BULLET in MAXES HEAD.

JUNY: Wow I sure love Cracker Barrel (looking at the candy and trinkets in the gift shop) wow Carmen would love this ceramic farmhouse if she wasn't KIDNAPPED by the CARTELL right now.

MASHETE: (as a hologram in Junys pocket) Aye caramba pendejo could you get a f*cking move on?

JUNY: Sh*t your right, hey hostess can you get me a table.

HOSTESS: How many sweetie? (her low cut shirt reveals some cleavidge)

JUNY: (looking behind him) Wow gee I dunno, 1?

The hostess clearly fed up with Junys f*cking lip guides him to the crappiest table in the whole restraint: its surface cover with OLD HASH BROWNS, what he hopes is SPILLED KETCHUP and worst of all the peg game is MISSING TWO PEGS. Needless to say Juny is forced to be a IG-NO-RA-MOOSE if he is making attempts at it now. So instead Juny preps his sniper rifle disassembling it from the suitcase and sets up shop on his table: just as he is aiming it out the Cracker barrel window the waitress appears as if of nowhere.

WAITRESS: Whatcha drinkin today punkin? (this one is quite ugly and it has a fat mole on her nose.)

JUNY: Pepsi please (staring into the neighborhood and clocks his gun) hey sweetheart wheres the elementery school at again?

WAITRESS: Shoot, I don't remember

So Juny taking her advise shoots a bullet into the tiles next to her feet proving that theres a crackling barrel inside of this Cracker Barrel:

BANG BANG BANG

WAITRESS: Holy f****! (tap dances around like a cat on a hot tin roof) Wow your suprised me and really jogged my memory. Truth is the school used to be here a week ago. But something... happened: and now the school is NO LONGER. 

JUNY: The h*ll? How will I find MAX, THE DREAMER now? How long have you worked here anyway

WAITRESS: A week now would you like to browse the gift shop for some candy for your sweet tooth?

So Juny realising this is ALL WRONG stumbles into the gift shop again leaving his sniper rifle on the table: worst part is the waitress DIDNT EVEN BRING THE PEPSI YET. Looking at all the merchendise Juny is investigating: floral dishwears, boomer clothes, pepper shakers that look like chickens, and... a DROPPED NEWSPAPER. So reading closely Juny sees:

NEWSPAPER: CRACKER BARREL BUILT ON SCHOOL RUINS: NOW ONE WEEK OLD.

JUNY: (gasps)

HIS PHONE: Juny its Uncle Mashete! Something way f****ing wrong is going on in there puto: ITS A TRAP!

Needless to say Junys head shot up seeing the Cracker Barrel sign noticing something new on the sign this time: Cracker Barrel BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE A.S.S: ACOSSICATION OF SINISTER SPY'S.

JUNY: Your f***ing kidding me!

But its already too late as blast doors slide down the light go out and the hostress up front pulls a knife from between her cleavidge: from the dining room comes ugly waitress holding Junys very own SNIPER RIFLE. Needless to say nobody saw this one coming but can Juny do now...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, readers — once again, you've made it to the end of the chapter, which means you've stumbled upon my little corner of the story. And with each chapter's closure comes my thoughts, my analysis, cultivated and refined from my time at university. How I miss university: a place where the city was large, where the streets were bustling, where friends were plentiful and women eager to flirt and frolic lined either side of the schoolyards. Alas, with classes over for now, it's back to the dingy old settlement where I was born, where Walmart is considered moreso an entertainment parlor than an essential business, and where the Stars and Bars fly like it's Robert E. Lee's birthday party. In a place like this, neither film nor literature is appreciated. The only three things of value here are Trump, guns, and Cracker Barrel.
> 
> Ah, yes — the Cracker Barrel. An establishment I only frequented upon my parents' request, really. Fortunately, our most recent visit convinced even Sky that it was no longer worth her time. The wait staff, quite frankly, have always exhumed an aura I can only liken to that of "country bumpkins". Even the managers look more fit to work on a cattle farm than in an eatery. And the peg games stationed upon each dining room table could not help but insult my intelligence. But it was when they refused my requests for a birthday dessert that I knew this business's promises of hospitality were empty husks, much like their staff. After all, Red Lobster and Perkins had given me commemorative treats in the prior weeks.
> 
> In return for giving Cracker Barrel some linguistic justice in this "chap chap", I'll be taking Sky to a restaurant of her own choosing. Of course, her friend Hanna is also invited, as someone like me loves showing true hospitality. We'll be sure to have fun at an actual eatery; for now, hasta la vista!


	4. THE BLOODY REALITY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So getting right along theres something I gotta say: that stupid lunch lady Ms Huntsley or as I like to call her MS C*NTSLEY really p*ssed me the f*ck off today. Theres a dry erase whiteboard where she writes the menu everyday: today it was HAMBURGERS, FRUIT CUP, and... FREEDOM FRIES??? So who the f*** says FREEDOM FRIES? But that censorship isnt what put me over the edge: I was behind Farley (cute) in line today trying to sniff his hair and he asked MS C*NTSLEY for french fries she went like this:
> 
> MS C*NTSLEY: Oh I’m so sorry: did you mean FREEDOM FRIES?
> 
> Needless to say embarassing for everyone involved: but she better pick a better target then MY MAN even if he DOESN’T REALISE HES MY MAN YET. So I got half a mind to go up to the write board tomorrow and UNCENSOR freedom fries to FRENCH fries, that c****.

DATE: FEBUARY 13 202X  
TIME: SUNDAY AFTERNOON 3:00 PM  
SETTING: OUTSIDE CRACKER BARREL

So legendery super spy JUNY CORTES sits on the pavement his Goodwill kackis getting torn to shred by the gravel: behind him is the CRACKER BARREL which is now burning in HOT FIREY FLAMES. Needless to say Junys face is in his palms as he balls like a baby. The flames crackle ever so lightly so I guess that this country restraint is as fried as chicken steak but it doesn't seem like Juny thinks this one is WELL DONE at all.

HIS PHONE: (ring ring) Hey pendejo, its Uncle Mashete: everything go ok in there?

(awkward silence for 30 secs. as the fire blazes and Juny cry's)

MASHETE: ...at least those f*ckers get to burn eh nephew?

(a gas oven explodes and the building buckles, Junys sobs grow louder)

JUNY: Oh f*ck it all Mashete: things got WAY out of hand in there. And now thanks to me a bunch of people are dead and this CRACKER BARRELL is burning to the ground!

MASHETE: Who gives a sh*t, why care about this boomer kibble: last time your sweet Uncle Izzy Mashete went to this place they DIDNT EVEN GIVE ME BIRTHDAY CAKE. So no d*** point in crying over this one: maybe it was IHOP that'd be a different story.

JUNY: Oh but Mashete I got so violent

MASHETE: Yeah?

JUNY: So that 1 hostess in there her t*ts was actually bomb implants so I have to cut them out (now if only fat ol Juny could cut off his man t*ts). And the waitress beat me over the head with my sniper rifle so I stealed it back spun around and headshot her (crying grows more violet) God I'm a f***up. Worst of all I was gonna buy Carmen that ceramic farmhouse in the gift shop....

Wow, what a total softie: Mashete is practically groaning hearing his p***y nephew whine.

MASHETE: Juny for the last f***ing time youre sister got kidnapped by the CARTELL: right now shes either filled with cocain, cholo d*ck, or the hot air inside her own coffin. Now while your b*tching and moaning cause you got attacked by 2 A.S.S agents I had 20 of them break into my office: I killed ALL OF THEM without a OUNCE of remorse.

JUNY: WELL I'M NOT YOU UNCLE MASHETE!

MASHETE: Slashed em, bashed em, crashed em and mashed em: TOTAL PENDEJO SOUP. And the tougher ones who survived my incisions decision and circumcisions got the ultimate treat: UNCLE MASHETES INTESTENAL FINISHER.

JUNY: Not the intestenal finisher

MASHETE: Yes my SPECIAL MOVE where I slice their tummy's rip out their intestines then wrap them around my big fat--- oh sh*t Juny, there he is: THE DREAMER MAX.

Needless to say from across the road comes a blond man whos looking like hes ate more chicken bisky's then even Juny has: his ROTUND GUT sticking out, his face RIDDLED WITH ZITS. So as if the Cracker barrell menu and having to comit war crimes wasnt enough now Juny has to be disgusted with this. Its finally too much and he loses his lunch all over the place: a real sea of BISKY CRUMBS, fried CHICKEN BITS, and EXXON MOBILE COFFEE. And as we can see Juny likes his coffee like he likes his criminals: BLACK, because unlike Mashete Juny actually IS kinda racist.

MASHETE: Theres that ugly f**k pendejo Juny now time to kill him off.

JUNY: BUT WAIT: I thought the DREAMER MAX was a kid.

MASHETE: No way pendejo you'd feel bad if he was, if you can kill those ugly Crackel barrel f*cks then you can do this one.

JUNY: Ok (Juny takes his sniper rifle and blows Maxes brains out: as he does the HOLOGRAM DEVICE on Max turns off revealing the illusion and the REAL MAX: a BLONDE YOUNG BOY NO OLDER THAN 9 falls to the ground stone cold dead.)

JUNY: WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

MASHETE: Aye claro Juny, welcome to the real f***ing world

JUNY: (face as red as Max's leaking brains) B-b-but he was a HOLOGRAM!

MASHETE: Welcome back to being a true agent Juny: I planned this whole afternoon to make you less of a f***ing p***y. In this world the truth can be cover by lies and bullsh*t but Juny I tell you: CENSORSHIP MAKES YOU SOFT.

So needless to say Juny really got duped by his uncle this time but at the very least MR ELECTRIC.EXE sense the DREAMER MAX was destroyed here today is probably gone for good: looking at his phone Juny suddenly gasps as not his normal ringtone starts playing but LOW RIDER instead: checking his phone Juny sees the face of Mr Electric laughing staring back at him

MR ELECTRIC.EXE: That violence is SHOCKING Juny: unlucky for you I can't be SHUTDOWN so easyly!

JUNY: What the f-

And then needless to say: his phone bricked EXPLODES INTO ASH.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to another delightful episode of what I’m starting to call “Leighton’s Corner”. Ding, dong. The dreamer is dead. So now the truth has finally come out to Juny — despite all his efforts to avoid conflict and take the path of least resistance, it seems that the bloody truth has been delivered to him. (When I say “bloody truth”, I mean that literally, and not as a parodizing of the British vernacular.) Now, Juny is forced to consider the consequences of his own actions — actions that he would have taken anyway, but paradoxically feels more guilt simply because Max was a child instead of a fat and hideous older man. It makes you wonder: even if censorship veils truth, does that make people any less innocent for acting upon their primal urges? Perhaps you don’t understand what I mean. That’s okay. Feel free to shoot a DM to Sky if you’d like to discuss it more!
> 
> So, yes, it was quite an offering that Sky treated us to today. Reminds me of those LOADED PHILLY STEAKBURGERS™ I enjoyed with her and Hanna for dinner. The waitress who served us was rather eye-catching, and much like Sky did with Farley, I, too, leaned closer for a scent of her angelic hair. It smelt of artificial peaches, lavender, and unadulterated vaporous sensuality; I was infatuated. Upon noting the Star Wars pin upon her apron, I couldn’t help but ask what her favorite film in the franchise was — a most grievous error indeed. She answered The Last Jedi. And for a film major such as I, that answer was like nails on a chalkboard.
> 
> Well, at least there are… other fish in the sea. But that’s another thing entirely, so for now, hasta la vista!


	5. PASSING ON YOUR DREAMS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my heart is pumping really d*** hard right now cause I didnt think I could do it but turns out I could: I took a DRY ERASE MARKER to school, went up to the whiteboard, and CHANGED FREEDOM FRIES TO FRENCH FRIES. Needless to say I did not have a dry erase eraser but it hardly matters cause I JUST USED MY HAND. Then without saying nothing I got in line behind Farley again (no sniffing this time he was already on edge) and as we get to the fries that f***ing lunch lady MS. C*NTSLEY says:
> 
> MS. C*NTSLEY: Hey Farley come for your FREEDOM FRIES today?
> 
> Farley: Yeah I guess (with sadness :( made me feel REALLY BAD for him) 1 freedom fries please.
> 
> ME: Um don't you mean FRENCH FRIES.
> 
> MS C*NTLSEY: (cackling, that d*mn witch) oh no dearie: check the MENU.
> 
> Then she looks at the menu and sees that it said FRENCH FRIES: I swear that proper b*tch nearly had a heart attack. That made me so brave that I told Farley that he doesnt have to be censored anymore :) So I think he really liked that cause he asked if he could sit with us at lunch :O but I got real nervous and said I had to go sh*t and went to the bathroom: OOPS. Maybe next time???
> 
> BTW enjoy the chap chap!

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY MORNING 7:00 AM  
SETTING: MY HOUSE

So basically there was a vision going with so many colors and voices and more: I guess this is what happens when I eat my leftover IHOP PANCAKES right before beddy bye time. Needless to say I am so confused, and in the dream two WIERD FACES call out to me from the dark: 1 BOY, 1 GIRL. The 1st is weird, his skins made black by the shadows: what is that thing sticking out of his back? And the other glows a little: RED LIKE LAVA. So as they reach out to me I reach out to them: BUT ITS NO USE cause as they open there mouths to speak I hear this:

2 SHADOWS: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Needless to say its not Sharkboy and lavagirl saying that but my PHONE ALARM: playing CORTES FAMILY (from the O.S.T official soundtrack of SPY KIDS). So snapping right awake the first thing I do is get out my special DREAM JOURNAL: inspired by THE ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL :) Flipping past my dream fan character DREAM GUY (about my age, brown hair, green eyes, nose with brown dots, and the power to fly sky high) I write down what I SEE in the dream. Then I change out of my P.Js and run downstairs: this mornings PIT CHECK shows that skipping the shower will be ok. Running down the stairs mom and dad are still in the BEDROOM sense they never wake up and take me to school. After all thats what big bro LEIGHTON is for: he's already made me breaksfast, POPTARTS and a BANANA. The poptarts are not toasty cause I think there gross that way

ME: Hay Leigh Leigh :) Ready to drive me to school? (hes sets down his hand sanatiser)

LEIGHTON: Uh, good morning, Skyler. Could you explain why you're so excited, perchance? At this godforsaken hour, I'm still quite groggy until I've injected a lethal dose of caffeine.

ME: Oh Leigh leigh your being silly again (chomps poptart: YUM STRAWBERRY.) Lets get to the car

LEIGHTON: Actually, Sky, we'll... we'll have to walk to school again, it would appear to seem.

ME: Oh too much hand sanatiser again?

LEIGHTON: Y-yes, Sky, I'd hate to accidentally dissolve the exterior of the steering wheel with my alcohol-coated palms, as I've explained to you on several occasions in the past. Let's... let's not make waste, then.

So Leigh leigh and I get going: his excuse for having to WALK never makes much sense to me but WHATEVER, with any luck he wont trip like 100 times on the way there again. Needless to say going along hes having a bit trouble walking straight: must not have enough CAFFENE yet. A newspaper on the floor says MIDDLE SCHOOL TO BE TORN DOWN TO MAKE A 2ND IHOP, now thats pretty f***king cool: MUCH better than what they did with the godd**** elementery school we gotta say.

LEIGHTON: Careful there, Sky — you're about to step right into a liquefied frontal lobe.

ME: Oh you and your silly words :) I'll just (steps forward: SQUIIIISSSSSHHH.)

LEIGHTON: Oh no.

So looking down my shoes coated with red brain bits looking like a bleach enema: needless to say I AM REPULSIVE. Holding back the barf and looking over I see another gross thing: a FAT REDHEAD with PUKED CHICKEN BISKY all over his shirt. The burning remains of Cracker Barrell nearby and me and Leighton give a sigh of relief cause F*** THAT PLACE, totally was NOT worth destroying the elementery school. Also what I stepped in was MAX THE DREAMER'S brains: THAT SH** IS DISGUSTING.

JUNY: WHY DID YOU MAKE ME KILL HIM UNCLE MASHETE?

MASHETE ON PHONE: Aye claro pendejo I thought the f****ing plan would work

So before I can even realise whats going on something new comes for me to hear:

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSHHHH

Its like a black portal of darkness opening in front of me: a DREAM VORTEX like I saw in my dream, and from the vortex comes the 2 SHADOWS that I saw before. Gasping I step forward wondering to myself what the f*** is that over there? Needless to say they come closer: it is just like IN MY DREAM. 

1ST SHADOW: Is this the one then

2ND SHADOW: Yes, her dreams are strong even stronger then Maxes.

Slowly the darkness fades away and the 2 shadows reveal themselves: it's none other then SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL which help MAX THE DREAMER save both EARTH and PLANET DROOL all those months ago. Gasping I do not know what to say: even Leighton is speechless putting his hand sanatiser back in his pocket and his eyes bloodshot.

ME: Can I help u? :O

LAVAGIRL: Well, Max is dead sooooo...

SHARKBOY: (ACCUSATIVELY) Your our NEW dreamer now Skyler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Leighton's Corner! Uh, what an intriguing chapter that was, huh? As you can see, not only did my esteemed younger sister make her debut as a full-fledged character, but so did I, her excellent older brother! Furthermore, I was actually given the privilege of writing my own dialogue by Skyler herself. However, I was not responsible for any details about the, uh, hand sanitizer — which, of course, really is nothing more than regular old hand sanitizer. (Hands Are Really Dirty, Can I Destroy Every Rhinovirus? Those who are "initially" perceptive may understand what I'm putting down here. Wink wink!)
> 
> From here on out, the version of Skyler that appears in the narrative will be called Fiction!Skyler, and the version of me that appears in the narrative will be called Fiction!Leighton. Simple, no?
> 
> Now, let's talk about that reality-shattering vision Fiction!Skyler received at the beginning of the chapter — a premonition of the future, one that would soon become reality by the end of the chapter. Such usage of blurred lines between the real and the make-believe hearkens to the styles of other famed content creators: film directors Christopher Nolan and the Wachowski Siblings. Inception was the motion picture that really got me interested in film, and the Matrix Trilogy? Wow, let's just say the gorgeous cinematography and the top-notch action made me feel like I had swallowed the real-life red pill. Of course, with the power of the Dreamer Max now hers, Fiction!Skyler now has the potential to become even more powerful than Cobb or Neo! Makes you wonder if Fiction!Leighton will get any powers of his own, too...?
> 
> Well, I suppose Reality!Leighton can only dream! For now, hasta la vista!


	6. THE POWER OF DREAMS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after "filling in the blanks" and doing some RESEARCH I have made a bad discovery: Leigh leighs hand sanatiser WASN'T EVEN SANATISER the whole time. Matter of fact after checking the canteen and trying it that sh*t is BOOZE. Got really sticky on my hands and probably killed ZERO GERMS at all. Honesty the most disaponting part about it all is that Leighton would CENSOR his beer from me and try to protect me from the dangers of alcholol, that f*****. So even tho I will still let big bro post his end comments in Leighton's corner know that ANYTHING he says to try to get back at me will get ASTERIXED OUT: HE'S IN A WORLD OF S*** RN.
> 
> Oh and in other news :) I changed the freedom fries to french fries at lunch again today but Ms C*ntsley catched me in the act. So when she asked why I was changing it I told her what i really feel: she's a right proper b*tch and that the FRIES will always be FRENCH. Then when she said to go to the principle I said I had to go sh*t and ran to the toilet again: AT LEAST IT WASN'T FARLEY THIS TIME. 
> 
> Anyway weekends here so its time for fun so enjoy the chap chap :)

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY MORNING 7:15AM  
SETTING: BURNING CRACKER BARELL

So standing there with SHARKBOY and LAVAGIRL (from the ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL) needless to say I am speechless and without words: how cool is it that I am the NEW DREAMER. Sharkboy is like Taylor Lotner but more my age and looking pretty cut (6 pack idk about his d***). And Lavagirl is beaming not just with a big smile but with firey potential: fits right in with the burning CRACKER BARELL behind her. Aside from that Maxes corpse and the crying Juny it looked EPIC.

MASHETE ON PHONE: Eh Juny MR ELECTRIC.EXE is still a problem pendejo. Its almost like theres a new dreamer or something.

JUNY: I f****ng hope not uncle (weeping) I dont want to kill anymore kids.

ME: New dreamer: that's ME! Now Sharkboy and lavagirl are mine to control.

SHARKBOY: (running up and snarling in my face) Are you a r****d: SHUT UP and don't expose yourself

ME: But I'm wearing all my cloths (laughs)

LAVAGIRL: Oh no---

(Leighton does not say anything cause he is past out drunk on the ground: I smirk cause I knew his "hand sanatiser" was BEER the whole time, and that he does not drive me to school cause he gets HAMMERED every morn: PATHETIC.)

MASHETE: Aye claro Juny, this little b**ch is the new DREAMER: AS SUCH YOU MUST KILL HER TOO.

JUNY: NO UNCLE, I REFUSE!

So that's how its gonna be huh: top agent Juny Cortes will try to kill me cause he thinks if he does, MR ELECTRIC.EXE will be defeated for good. Needless to say I'm not so good with this plan, 1st cause I want to live, 2nd who wants to die to a FAT GINGER with chicken bisky BARF all over his polo. Getting into battle position soon SHARKBOY and LAVAGIRL also pose with drama: it seems a FIGHT is about to start!

ME: I won't let you kill me so easy >:(

SHARKBOY: (stepping over Leigh Leigh's drunk body: he rolls in his sleep talking about how much of a f****ng liar he is) Careful Sky as you know Juny Cortes is a top agent and deserves RESPECT and FEAR. (nearby: Juny blames his misery on trust issues stemming from a troubled childhood: as if we all don't have it f****g rough. Man the f*** up and do youre job.)

LAVAGIRL: Well Skyler is powerful Sharkboy and-

SHARKBOY: (slaps her) Shut it ya ho

D***, seems like something very wrong is happening between this two: but needless to say before I can ask Mashete screams at Juny for him to get up and finish the job by capping me in the f***ing SKULL. So Juny weeping pulls his gun and starts booking it at me: only to SLIP on LEIGHTONs drunk body. (About time he did something useful) As Juny eats sh*t on the pavement he cry's and bleeds on the face: MASHETE IS FURIOUS.

MASHETE: F***** pendejo motherf***** are you sh****g me right now

LAVAGIRL: Ok lets attack him now and-

SHARKBOY: Cool it sl*t I call the shots around here and-

ME: So actually I'm your DREAMER now so I call the shots :) (both Lavagirl and Sharkboy do NOT look happy at this) now I command you to do a DREAM TEAM attack: Sharkboy uses his claws and Lavagirl uses her lava for MAX DAMAGE. 

So I guess I said MAX too soon sense the death of there previous dreamer (his dead corpse laying next to drunk a** Leighton in the streets) but with sadness Sharkboy and lavagirl rush forward to do the team attack: Lavagirl frying Juny with her lava so he's burned like his sh*tty Exxon mobile coffee and Sharkboy tearing him to shreds with SHARK CLAWS: now Juny is looking cut (idk about his d**k but this fat f*** defiantly does not have a 6 pack.)

JUNY: (screaming) I SURRENDER!

MASHETE: Wow nephew this is the biggest mierda yet, I thought you were a O.S.S agent and not a p*ssy.

ME: Nice try MASHETE: there not mutually exclusive! (stomping the phone: MASHETE went silent) Now Juny if your giving up then you might of well throw in the towel: me, SHARKBOY, and LAVAGIRL are not PLAYING AROUND.

So Juny cry's for awhile longer before reaching into his pocket revealing a WHITE FLAG: waving it around we know that the Cortes spy has not just threw in the towel: HE'S CHUCKED IT. Needless to say calling of Sharkboy and Lavagirls attack its a temperary truce. At least until the NEXT FIGHT.

JUNY: Please I need your mercy but it's not JUST that.

ME: Then what do you want?

LAVAGIRL: Do you need a band aid maybe?

SHARKBOY: (scowling) Oh I remember when you used to offer me bandaids you wh*re.

ME: Cool it Sharkb*tch. (he scoughs) What do you need Juny?

JUNY: I need... YOUR HELP.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Welcome back to Leighton's Corner.
> 
> ...
> 
> Okay, so as you saw above, Skyler is a little angry at me for a small fib that I might've told her. And because of that, she might try "blurring out" some of the things I write here, which I think is * ******* ************* *** ** ***** ***** ******, but whatever. The truth is that I said the things I did about my hard cider being hand sanitizer because I wanted to protect her from the truth. Drinking helps quell the pains of my life, be they related to women, my education, or the mockery I seem to receive on a nigh-daily basis from the film forums that I like browsing: Reddit, IMDB, and TV Tropes. Someone willing to go against the grain of filmography opinions such as I, sadly, does not often get to take the "easy route" when it comes to presenting said opinions. Alas, it is another one of my misfortunes in life.
> 
> In regards to my presentation in this chapter — executive decisions were made by Skyler that I was not a part of. Personally, I thought depicting Fiction!Leighton as a lackadaisical drunk who passes out on the sidewalk was * ******* ********** ************** ** ** ****** ******** ******, and I hope that Skyler considers editing these scenes later on as she begins to calm down. C'mon, sis — you know this **** ** ***** isn't *********, especially not towards your big bro who takes you to school and cooks you breakfast. Please reconsider your actions and give me a second chance. Did you forget about our iHOP trip already? Were those ******** and ****** ****** ************™ eaten in vain?
> 
> Well, I hope things change for the better this weekend. But for now, hasta la vista!


	7. TO OPEN THERE EYES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting all weekend :( needless to say it was a very very busy time Saturday and Sunday: SHOPPING on Saturday and SUNDAY SCHOOL on Sunday: we learned about Adam and Even and there kids so uh yeah :) But now that its Monday again it's back to the grind and the grind as we all know is PUTTING THAT F**K we all know and love MS. C*NTSLEY in her place when she try's to pull her sh*t. Or so I thought as entering the cafeteria again I saw something new: THE LUNCH MENU WAS ON A BLACK BOARD NOW. So sense I only had dry erase marker there was NOTHING I could do to change the menu so I had to swallow my pride and order """FREEDOM FRIES""" today. GOD I HATE THAT B***H.
> 
> Even tho he was forced to order freedom fries today Farley still sits with us at lunch today: I almost ran off to the bathroom this time and this time I REALLY DID have to sh*t bad but I hold it in anyway: Farley did ask about the smell but it wasn't me cause I PASSED PIT CHECK THIS MORN. Speaking of smell while he was eating his freedom fries I took a sniff of his hair: smells like laundry detargant: CUTE :) Well you know how boys are they don't really wear colon that much. But I'd love to smell Farleys colon in the future: just wish he would stop arguing with Hanna about consoles
> 
> But I'm just rambling so uh yeah :)

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY EVENING 6:00 PM  
SETTING: A.S.S HQ

So as the sun sinked down that evening its a real pretty evening for the spy's working in there offices at A.S.S: ACOSSICIATION OF SINISTER SPY'S. Legends say the O.S.S and the A.S.S groups date back to anshient history: the O.S.S stemming from the ORDER OF ABEL who were held in favor by GOD but the A.S.S stemming from the ORDER OF CAIN who rejected and scorned by God. Even now no real God would dare bless the A.S.S: a club full of little s*** agents who want to change the world thru EVIL instead of thru GOOD. So sitting in his wheelie chair (not leathered with human skin but reg. leather) was the HEAD SPY of the A.S.S who's desires are king at this god forsaking place. Suddenly entrancing the room is TEA MAN who brings offerings of herbel tea and English style crumpets to HEAD SPY: despite this HEAD SPY ISN'T EVEN BL**DY ENGLISH.

TEA MAN: Alreet chav done broughtcha some tea time.

Smirking ear to ear he swivels around in his rollie chair revelling all his horrible details: his hair is brown in that s**tty normie haircut, eyes beedy and looking like evil, a cowl like BATMAN'S wrapped around his neck. Grinning the young chile stands up the tapestry draped above him showing Cain standing above the BLOODY CORPSE OF ABEL: needless to say the moment this organisation falls into the scorn of GOD. Strutting forward papers fly from his desk, them being business dealings from other corps: CRACKER BARRELL, IHOP, and MORE.

HEAD SPY: Ah yes, you have tea for me: well done my underling.

TEA MAN: Of course LORD MINUS, I have made it just the way you like it (blushing)

LINUS: (smirking) Ah yes my favorite: WHITE TEA. And please, you may call me LINUS: I have trust you for long enough.

So strutting to his desk they look at the holo-graphic map of my hometown that has been pulled up: zooming in he sees the flaming remains of the Cracker barell which makes him scough in a instant. 

LINUS: The Cracker Barrell was burnt: MOST INTERESTING

TEA MAN: Roit roit, wait LORD MINUS why are we building family freindly sit down chain restraints again?

So Linus cackling reach's into his back pocket showing off a leather back dairy filled to the brim with drawings and plans: MAXES DREAM JOURNAL a powerful artefact beyond comprehend. Needless to say flipping thru the book its now full of Linuses dreams instead: schools being destroyed and replaced to the highest bidder: CRACKER BARELL, IHOP, PERKINS, DENNIES, BOB EVANS: you name it its in there.

LINUS: Tea Man my dreams were taken from me at... at a young age. Even tho I did not reveal this information before (during the events of ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL) the truth is that my parents are dead leaving me to live with my grandmother who beats me and mocks me. And if I do not get dreams then why should any 1 else?

TEA MAN: I do not bl**dy understand

So Linus gingerly caress's his face: despite the hate in Linuses heart he still cares for TEA MAN, who is loyal to the end and always brings the drink he wants especially sense he lost COFFEE MAN to the stealth unit.

LINUS: By destroying all the schools and replacing them with restraints then the kids have no where to go all day. So kids go onto the streets where they meet horrible things: DRUGS, TRAFFICING, and SPYS who are supposed to protect society and do not. (looking up at the face of Abel he scowls: GOD has rejected Linus and the A.S.S, but Linus now rejects GOD.)

TEA MAN: So the little ones die in the streets

LINUS: Or there innocence destroyed: and so with our plan enact, NO KID WILL EVER DREAM AGAIN. And wouldn't you look at that (zooming in on Maxes dead body on the holo-graphic map) It would appear that the plan is already working: the dreams of Max will soon vanish, except for MR ELECTRIC.EXE who was dream adopted by me.

TEA MAN: If thats true whats that?

Looking over Linus sees SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL bickering with none other then me: Linus nearly spills his tea seeing this and needless to say he is now f****g p*ssed. Guess he should of torn down my high school and replaced it with Golden coral already the slow a** f*****.

LINUS: (now snarling he flings the tea aside splashing it on TEA MAN) Dispatch the troops: I want this sl*t dead!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to a brand-new, uncensored episode of Leighton's Corner! I am glad to report that over the weekend, I was able to set the record straight with my little sis and earn her forgiveness for the whole "hand sanitizer" episode — this goes without saying, but it won't be happening again. In fact, I've even sworn off alcohol as part of my promise to be a better person in the future. Hey, that's better than what Cracker Barrel can say. Despite being a so-called family restaurant, that disgusting establishment is introducing alcoholic beverages to their menu as they reopen for business, despite the fact they've been very steadfast about not serving it in the past. Imagine having morals that bend so easily... well, let's just say that it couldn't be me. It's almost as preposterous as Skyler's school system, compromising her summer break just to make up for that time lost to the coronavirus. C'mon, superintendent — we need this story going at full cylinders, you know!
> 
> But that's enough about reality. Let's delve deep into the themes of this chapter — the themes of dreams, actuality, and the loss of childhood. Unfortunately, Linus lost his childhood at a young age due to the tragedy that affected his parents and his abusive grandmother. Because of this, he can no longer cower in dreams of self-fulfillment and fantasy, privileges that most others his age would be able to enjoy. Now, he wants to strip everyone of this privilege — and to make them see the world for how it really is. It ties back into the conflict between Machete and Juni. Should one be able to hide from reality? Or can they censor it through their view of the world? Such is the majesty of childhood. For a while, one is permitted to shield themselves from the real world, to banter with imaginary friends and go to faraway worlds. But once you've hit adulthood, it's over. The world reveals itself — a horrible place where you and your loved ones will suffer, wither, and eventually die and fade into nothingness and nihil.
> 
> Personally, I find myself agreeing with Linus. I do think children should learn at an earlier age how terrible this plane of existence really is, although perhaps through means less costly and inefficient than tearing down public schools and replacing them with chain diners. Perhaps Fiction!Leighton could have a conversation with Linus about it? But that's enough speculation. For now, hasta la vista!


	8. TEST RUNS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey there :) before we get started on the chap chap theres a few things I want to get out of the way regarding people from IRL. 1st off going to lunch today I was smart enough to bring CHALK for Ms C*ntlsley's CHALKBOARD and just like that the freedom fries were gone and made to french fries instead. But turning away that b*tch was waiting for me: CATCHING MY F****G WRIST she got up in my face and was all like:
> 
> MS C*NTSLEY: (making my wrist RED) So your change my menu huh?
> 
> ME: Leave me alone pendejo I gotta sh*t! 
> 
> MS C*NTSLEY: The heck is a pan-day-hohhh
> 
> Needless to say after enough begging she lets me go: leaving MARKS on my WRIST including her fingernail marks. During lunch I talk to my friends about it: Hanna says maybe we can get her busted with the principle for abuse, Farley was going on about Half life Alex and Lucas was quiet as f*****g usual. So tbh sometimes I wonder if were all actually friends: h*ll Farley seems to talk to Hanna more then me which makes me kinda p*ssed. Dude I literally protect you from freedom fries.
> 
> And so uh yeah :/ Please enjoy what I've wrote today

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY EVENING 6:15 PM  
SETTING: MY TOWN

So as Lord Minus begins to plot my eventual assassination from the A.S.S HQ needless to say I am none the wiser checking out my new cool dream friends SHARKBOY and LAVAGIRL. Wow there just like in the movies, only Sharkboy seems a little on edge with Lavagirl for reasons that haven't been revealed yet but GIVE ME TIME I'm writing it in AS WE SPEAK. Happy with our defeat of Juny Cortes I raise up my hand for a HIGH 5: Sharkboy raises his hand too and Lavagirl immediately FLINCHES. 

SHARKBOY: Cool it b*tch you haven't done anything wrong... RIGHT THIS SECOND.

LAVAGIRL: Yes yes (trembling) Ok so Skyler we chose you as our NEW DREAMER because not known to you: you have DREAMING POWERS beyond the usual HUMAN COMPREHEND. So dream your dreams: soon you will find THEY ARE BECOME REAL!

ME: No f****g way! 

So waving my hands around I think of my dreams and summon what I can and from out of nowhere comes a strange D.V.D that I have never seen until now: looking closer its a copy of JUSTICE LEAGUE but a little different featuring 2 hours of new footidge and more. Gasping needless to say I know what this is, its the SNYDER CUT of JUSTICE LEAGUE which Leighton wanted for his birthday awhile back but needless to say it did not exist outside of dreams yet. So now with this better gift I can earn some more of his approval and be a good little sister and friend :)

ME: Here you go Leigh Leigh! (hands him the SNYDER CUT: he is not drunk anymore)

LEIGHTON: Huh? Could it be!? You've somehow procured a freshly wrapped copy of Zack Snyder's Justice League, as he originally envisioned it before Joss Whedon came and mucked it all up! And it's for me, too? I won't have to wait for the 2021 HBO Max release now, and it's all thanks to your incredible dream powers, Sky!

ME: Yeah :) oh and heres something for Juny too (from nothingness comes something incredible: aluminem foil wrapped CHICKEN BISKY fresh from Bojangles where the bisky's are extra buttery yummy yum, and a steaming hot tall paper cup of EXXON MOBILE COFFEE: the coffee had CREAM added to it to help with Juny's racism.)

JUNY: Wow thanks Skyler, this will replace the food I PUKED out of my BELLY.

LAVAGIRL: Ooh ooh Skyler what will you dream for me?

SHARKBOY: Skyler don't listen to her sh*t: Lavagirl is probs gonna wish for a new BOYFREIND.

LAVAGIRL: Sharkie I told you that new guy from Planet Drool who just showed up out of nowhere is just a BUDDY--

But cutting them off I started focusing on MY DREAMS and what I REALLY WANTED: and from nowhere my wishes start to crawl out of a DREAM VORTEX, just as I saw him in my dreams from before: his hair is a dark brown and his eyes green, his nose all dotty, and sprouting from his back, ANGLE WINGS. Gasping I flip open my own dream journal and compare: sure enough the sketch of DREAM GUY looks just like the real DREAM GUY too.

So out of nowhere Sharkboy b*tch slaps Lavagirl making her fall on her a**

SHARKBOY: THAT'S HIM, THAT'S THE 1 I WAS TALKING ABOUT, YOU CHEATING--

Reaching over with my dream enhance hand I b**tch slap Sharkboy making him go flying up into the sky: crashing thru a SHARKBOY TEETH SHARPENERS bill board he falls to the ground chipping his teeth with a crash under Lavagirl's foot. Rubbing her foot on his chest Sharkboy is now trap by Lavagirl's foot. Together me and her hock loogies onto Sharkboy's face: teaches him for being a f**kboi.

DREAM GUY: Woah there guys (putting a hand on my lower waste, his hair smells like haven: I am infatuated) Everything alright?

ME: It is now :)

SHARKBOY: (squealing) You guys really don't see thru this guys sh*t, Skyler you need to remember: sometimes you need to DREAM A BETTER DREAM, cause this yee yee a** haircut motherf****r is your worst dream yet.

ME: You cuss too much its not funny. Anyway DREAM GUY is not a bad dream, in fact he's my best dream. (leaning over to kiss him: my lips go right thru as if nothing happens, how is this possible!?) WHAT?

LEIGHTON: Oh, my dearest sister, you forgot one of the most important rules when it comes to dreams. Some dreams are so powerful, that they become real, but when it comes to Dream Significant Others? Dream as much as you wish, little Skyler, but no amount of pitiful hope and desperation will ever make those kisses — and et cetera — reality.

So that made me really sad but remembering that Juny wanted my help at the end of Chapter 6 I realize I need to ask him what that was all about but I'm out of words now so: TUNE IN NEXT CHAP CHAP.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Leighton's Corner! Let's cut right to the chase — near the end of this May, director Zack Snyder hosted a livestream of his superhero motion picture, Man of Steel, featuring his very own live commentary all throughout the runtime. And near the end, he made an announcement that shook his fanbase's world to its core. That's right. The absolution of Justice League was at hand. The project he had to drop out of halfway through production, the film that was neglectfully passed on to Joss "Can't Finish Firefly" Whedon, the movie that was butchered by tonal inconsistencies and garbage attempts to tap in on Marvel's obnoxious quip energy? It would finally be seen as it was meant to be seen. No more "Josstice League". Just movies as movies should be: untouched by studio interference and censorship, crafted by the director's vision, for all to see on HBO Max in 2021. If only that could've been my birthday present. I only got fifty bucks and a friendship bracelet.
> 
> Let's also touch base on the moral quandary that is Fiction!Skyler's "Dream Guy". Since you are reading this story, I will assume that you understand this manner of thinking — to fantasize about a perfect candidate for your love, the person who will understand you and guide you, the individual that most assuredly cannot actually exist. I imagine the way my sister's lips phased right through Dream Guy's lips was symbolic of this cruel truth that soulmates are nothing more than a fantasy. In our world, we are forced to settle for something less than perfection. Someone with different hobbies, interests, or personality traits. Like it or not, our human minds have evolved well past the more rudimentary functions of our bodies. Our consciousnesses seek love and solidarity, but our bodies? Those only crave primitive pleasure and to spawn a new being to take our place upon death. A death that will come to mark an end to our unfulfilled lives.
> 
> But that's just an interpretation! I mean, it's impossible for everyone to be unfulfilled, right...?
> 
> Anyway, uh... hasta la vista!


	9. MESSAGE FROM AFAR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the principle did not think I was telling truth about MS C*NTSLEY abusing my wrist with her witchy fingernails so another disapponting day at school, as usual lunch was boring and I sat there eating """freedom fries""" all over again. After school browsing AMAZON for some cool new tech I found what I was looking for: body cam (selling like hot cakes recently so you know they must be popular) and with 1 day shipping it doesnt cost too bad. I don't have debit card and neither does big bro Leighton so going down to Mom and dads bedroom I knocked and was really kinda nervous but you know gotta swipe swipe swipe haha: THAT'S HOW AMAZON WORKS! The room looked like normal (based on the corner of the room they had cheese pizza from Papas today) so i walked right between their beds and woke them up. Needless to say they were p*ssed and when I asked for debit cards they began to argue over who should pay for it: so I don't think it ended well :( That was 2 hours ago and Mom called dad fiscly unresponsible and she is taking a suprise vacation to Aunt sallies house for a week now apparently. 
> 
> Leighton made me some potarts to cheer me up and said even tho its our fault there so f***ed up that we gotta deal with it.
> 
> The potarts were strawberry

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY EVENING 6:20 PM  
SETTING: CRACKER BARELL RUINS

So now that I have been rambing and doing exposition for so long the story is 25% done meaning I need to get a D*MN MOVE ON so let's get right into the first plotline. Waltsing up to JUNY CORTES he looked really distrot so it's time to figure out what his deal is: hopefully not just hungry for another chicken bisky I just dreamed you one you fat f***.

ME: Your not want another CHICKEN BISKY are you?

JUNY: You offerin? (laughs until his hand dips into MAXES brains: GROSS.) Uh anyway: Skyler have you heard of the BIBLE.

ME: Yah once or twice from Sunday school

JUNY: So Skyler sense the Book of Geneses the sons of Adam and Eve: CAIN and ABEL were at war with eachother and in a fit of rage Cain KILLS Abel starting two rival organisations: the ORDER OF CAIN and the ORDER OF ABEL. 1000's of years pass as these 2 groups shape all of history: Athens vs Sparta, Romans vs Barbarians, Union vs Confedates and Ally's vs Axis. Now as time evolves them they become 2 new groups: ORDER OF CAIN becomes A.S.S and ORDER OF ABEL becomes O.S.S but really they are the same groups. A.S.S still mad that GOD favors O.S.S swears to destroy them and VICE VERSA

LEIGHTON: A battle of biblical proportions! Astounding, though I figured that dusty old religious text to be nothing more than ancient fairy tales. I suppose the truth really is stranger than fiction...

SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL: (They do not talk cause there not relevent to the scene but Lavagirl is looking at DREAM GUY with love and Sharkboy is scoughing but knows if he b*tch slaps her that I'll b*tch slap him harder. I just hope that DREAM GUY don't pay attention to Lavagirl and starts paying attention to... well you know ME instead.)

ME: How do we stop this A.S.S?

JUNY: Well I had the cordinents for their base which would let us destroy them PERMANETLY: the evil virus MR ELECTRIC.EXE however destroys the data when it was on my computer.

ME: Hmmm maybe I can dream the cordinents for you?

JUNY: No that won't work but maybe if we figure out how to stop MR ELECTRIC.EXE we can decript the data and get the cordinents back and end this 6000-YEAR-OLD WAR for good. If only I haven't killed MAX THE DREAMER (wiping MAXES BRAINS on the leg of his KAKIS: gotta admit I was forced to gag alot) he would of known what to do to STOP MR ELECTRIC.EXE.

So suddenly gasping Sharkboy pulls out a device for receiving COMMS from his perferred planet of PLANET DROOL: a mysterious message is coming in from outer space. Needless to say every 1 crowds around to listen: we make our distance from Juny cause he is kinda gross specially with his gut sticking out but I try to get next to DREAM GUY. Lavagirl also gets next to him: Sharkboy is FURIOUS and as he raises his hand to teach her a lesson DREAM GUY bends his arm backwards behind his back: CRUNCH. Everyone laughs except for Sharkboy who is in EXCRUSIATING PAIN.

SHARKBOYS COMMS DEVICE: Sharkboy Lavagirl are you there? Its me the DREAMER MAX, something happened on EARTH and now I am without a body: my conscious astro projected back to PLANET DROOL where I remain without a host body! But bad news a new threat is attacking PLANET DROOL and I'm trying my hardest to FIGHT IT OFF!

JUNY: MAX! HOLY F*** I'M SO SORRY FOR KILLING YOU!

SHARKBOYS COMMS DEVICE: ...

JUNY: ACCEPT MY APOLOGY PLEASE (breaking down in sobs)

SHARKBOY: Its a receiver phone dumbf*** (Sharkboy slaps Juny and DREAM GUY does nothing to stop him) the message is prerecorded Max can't here you: not that ANYBODY wants to hear your fat a** cry like a f***** baby. For the love of God tell me he's not coming on this storyline

LEIGHTON: Whoa, now, breaking the fourth wall, are we? How meta!

SHARKBOY: And not your pr*ck older brother either please

ME: Woah woah Sharkboy let's keep it CIVIL :) I think it would be best if ME SHARKBOY and LAVAGIRL went along because they are the most under developed so far but also: DREAM GUY cause I think he is pretty cute too

JUNY: What about me

ME: You got enough chap chaps so far sorry.

JUNY: Ah f*** your right.

So yeah pretty exiting right: WE'RE GOING TO PLANET DROOL!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Leighton's Corner, reporting to you live from a household that is only three-quarters full. It seems that our mother finally had enough today and stormed out in a fit of rage after arguing with my father. It would appear to seem that she's planning on running off with Aunt Sally for a while, because apparently, she'd rather spend her time with her instead of us. Well, that's fine then, dearest Mother. Run away and leave my equally useless father to "take charge" of the household. I'll continue feeding your daughter, raising your daughter, teaching her everything she needs to know about life, reality, and the world. That it's a screwed-up place, that it's far from perfect, and that people like you just continue to exemplify those observations. My speculation? That week at Aunt Sally's will turn into a month. Then a year. 
> 
> Maybe Dad will run off next — and then, it'll just be me and Skyler, won't it? Well, if that's the case, then don't count on me to take her to Sunday School. I stopped believing in that crock of feces a long time ago. Life has proven to me time and time again that God isn't real. And if He is, He is a cruel, cruel master indeed.
> 
> Now, let's talk about breaking the fourth wall! This can be a fun thing to do with whoever is enjoying your work, but one should take caution in employing it, as it could backfire quickly and violently if overused! Let's not forget how Mel Brooks totally jumped the shark at the end of his American classic, Blazing Saddles. Though I thought the part where the cowboy protagonists break out of the Wild West set and begin raiding the nearby studios was clever, it certainly did not assist in conveying the anti-racism themes, and as such made Brooks appear as a half-committal coward rather than someone truly trying to effect societal change. Better luck next time, Brooks! (Note: he would later outdo his previous entry with a superior picture, Young Frankenstein.)
> 
> And that's all for today's Leighton's Corner! Hasta la vista!


	10. THEME PARK OF DREAMS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh the body cam comes in the mail today and just in time too: CAN'T WAIT TO WEAR IT AT SCHOOL. Needless to say if that b*tch MS C*NTSLEY try's to pull any sh*t: SHE'S GONNA BE IN A WORLD OF PAIN! This will be the stress relief I deserve after what happened to my family yesterday cause JUSTICE always feels good. THE REIN OF FREEDOM FRIES WILL COME TO IT'S END SOON ENOUGH. For now relax I did not get to try it at lunch today (package came AFTER school) sooooooooo well have to wait for the weekend to be over.
> 
> Today I ask Leighton if he can help me proof read and edit my chap chaps some more but he does not seem very interest in that. Leigh leigh tells me that its ok to have my own personal flare with my writing style and that it helps... make my writing different from his? And i guess it makes sense cause he always helps with all my home work except for English stuff cause he says English is his fortay and that its too easy for him to help me with it. Plus Leigh leigh says that his writing is too good to be beat so I should not focus on improve. I asked that if I improve could I be better then him: he says NO. 
> 
> Tbh I dunno what I think about that :| I mean I want to be as good at writing as big bro: he teaches me ALOT. H*ll he teaches me that censorship is the worst thing to happen to media and film: something I AGREE COMPLETELY ON!

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY EVENING SOMETIME BEFORE CHAPTER 8  
SETTING: PLANET DROOL

Ah yes: PLANET DROOL, where kids rule and know what its like to be cool. During the events of THE ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL this planet of fun and dreams was beseiged by war and the DARKNESS as plotted by MR ELECTRIC and LINUS. Needless to say with them both on Earth now Planet drool is free once more: it's amusement park up and running with kids dreaming and riding rides whenever the h*ll they want: DROOL ON! The roller coaster from the movie, counting-sheep-go-round, nightmare horror house, and for the teenagers: WET DREAM WATER SLIDE. Needless to say I will not get into details with this 1 but its EXACTLY what you expect! Even the ICE PRINCESS is here having a FUN FUN TIME: she f****g loves the TILT-A-HURL which is so thrilling it makes you THROW UP (but hopefully not chicken bisky's). So uh yeah it's a great day on Planet Drool amusement park!

ICE PRINCESS: (To the kid next to her) This is alot of fun hahahaha: what could POSSIBLY go wrong?

So suddenly in the distance a thunder clap: kids are SCARED SH*TLESS some in a literal sense booking it to the nearest potty. Looking toward the approaching storm its not the darkness like in the movie, instead something new is zooming in like a ghost coming to haunt these cursed lands: swooshing in on a umbrella he makes a sudden landing crashing on his feet. So the park goes silent: STARING DOWN the new arrival, he tweaks his belt buckel taking in the area around him: all those rides sure look purty. Finally with a big a** grin he tips his hat announcing:

DINKY WINKS: (cheeky) Did somebody RING the DINKSTER

ICE PRINCESS: What the h*ll your Dinky Winks: the man who wants to make the GREATEST theme park in all the world. But wait what are your doing here, Planet Drools theme park is not yours.

DINKY: Just come to share some plans (chuckles) step on out pard and show em.

So Dinky chuckling steps aside and his son Dinky winks Jr steps out carrying a giant scroll of blueprints. Kids gathering around to see what ideas the Dinkster has for the park gasps as Dinky jr rolls out the blueprints: it rolls aside revealing WAR PLANS made in GRAPHIC DETAIL. As the scroll ends a BULL RIFLE tumbles out and with a fluid motion Dinky jr LOCKS AND LOADS: 

KABOOM

So with a splat the first kid falls to the ground stone cold dead: needless to say its game time. The crowd roars with panicing as Dinky and dinky jr unload h*ll onto the park. Riders on top the Ferrace wheel are lassoed and pulled off the edge to there deaths: SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT, one after another they explode into guts. With a branding iron Dinky jr nabs a passing kid burning him into a smoking pile of ASH. And from the WET DREAM WATER SLIDE come a hoard of teenage boys trying to fight back: quickly applying STEER CASTRATION BANDS to them there b*lls are squeezed and fall off. Needless to say they wont be going back to the WET DREAM WATER SLIDE anytime soon: there is no reason to come.

ICE PRINCESS: WHAT ARE YOU DOING DINKY WINKS??

DINKY: Simple: I strive to have the GREATEST THEME PARK, but if PLANET DROOL already has it, why not STEAL IT AND MAKE IT MY OWN? Now people will know DINKY WINKS has the best theme park: its simply DREAMY!

ICE PRINCESS: Your sick!

But before Ice princess can give more sass she feels a hand clap on her back: Dinky Jr is there and he is ready to have a rodeo. With his led toe boots Dinky jr KICKS her in the A** with his spurs: needless to say Ice princess bellows like a steer and starts buckin. Dinky and Dinky Jr laughing all the while knowing that for a planet of dreams PLANET DROOL was patheticly easy to take over and it would take a REAL HERO to bring light back to this place...

Meanwhile in the distance the SHARK ROCKET is blasting to PLANET DROOL carrying me, SHARKBOY, LAVAGIRL, and DREAM GUY to bring the battle to where the trouble is.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Leighton's Corner! In today's chapter, we saw the ultimatum that arose from one man's desire to be the best in a particular category. In this case, it's none other than Dinky Winks, a lovable character played by Bill Paxton in the Spy Kids films — wasted talent, arguably, but talent nonetheless. In Rodriguez's original vision, Dinky Winks was hardly a heartless villain, but in this new take by Sky, his goal has driven him to horrible feats. To have the greatest theme park in the world? To be the best? Evidently, the Dinkster is ready to wreak some havoc merely to accomplish this goal — and so, others suffer so he may meet these ends.
> 
> I understand, to some degree, the unending desire that one may have to improve, to be "the best". Back at film school, we were to create short films of our own as a semester project, and said films would be shown to the class at the end of said semester as the final portion of said project. Only then did my passionate envy truly sprout into new, stronger shades of green. My classmates, whose visions were juvenile, had mastered the art of execution. And unfortunately, my more mature ideas — those of soul-crushing nihilistic thoughts in the face of everyday life — were sabotaged by my more unorthodox directorial methods. It was, uh... not well-received, to say the least.
> 
> How does this relate? Look at the actions of my classmates, who held me down, who suppressed my work, simply so they could remain confident that their creations were superior to mine. What can one describe this sort of behavior as, aside from absolutely and wholly toxic? Now, Dinky Winks has committed the same grave errors in an attempt to make himself feel supreme. Others have succumbed to injury, or even death, just so that he can have "the greatest theme park". But karma does not stand waiting for men such as this. I am sure it will come soon — and it will come swiftly.
> 
> For now, though, hasta la vista!


	11. DREAM GUYS QUESTION

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So finally justice got served on Monday thanks to the BODY CAM I got on AMAZON.COM. I baited MS. C*NTSLEY into coming up to me and snatching my wrist again by acting like I writing french fries on the board again but in realty I was writing nothing at all. The finger nails went DEEP and drew a little bit of blood: SCORE as I uploaded the video to my private Youtube and revealed to the principle how much of an abusive b*tch that MS. C*NTLSEY really was. Matter of fact I actually said MS. C*NTSLEY instead of MS. HUNTSLEY to the principles face (but I kinda verbally bleeped it out by going silent for the vowel) so the principle knew I MEANT BUSINESS. When he halled that a**hole into the office to see the footidge you should of seen the CROCADILE TEARS. Needless to say she did not work this Tuesday so uh yeah! :) 
> 
> Hanna seemed happy that I'm ok but Lucas called me a f*cking snitch which makes me less then pleased. And Farley seems pretty upset his aunt is out of a job now (wow: DID NOT KNOW there related until today) but hopefully he gets over it. Still he talks to Hanna more and more every day INSTEAD OF ME but I think its because his a** is a little chapped about his aunt, hopefully he gets over it soon tho
> 
> Enjoy the chap chap

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY EVENING 6:30 PM  
SETTING: ON ROUTE TO PLANET DROOL

So basically what happens right after events of Chapter 9 is me and SHARKBOY and LAVAGIRL and DREAM GUY board the SHARK-ROCKET: famously used in ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL to get to PLANET DROOL. Needless to say tho I do not want to celabrate a woman beater like Sharkboy so with a snap of my fingers DREAM POWERS kick in: the Shark-rocket EXPLODES into nothing but ash and smoke.

SHARKBOY: What the f***, Lavagirl blew up my spaceship. (goes to slap her f****g silly)

LAVAGIRL: NO SHARKY--!

ME: Cool it f*cker (sending DREAM GUY to restain him: CUTE!) truth is I destroyed your rocket now (using my dream powers a new spaceship comes down: the LAVASHIP with lava cracks and volcano textures and MORE.) Sharkboy as your NEW DREAMER I don't have to let you live if I dont want to, remember when you said DREAM A BETTER DREAM, well a dream about a f****g loaded a** diaper filled with wet sticky sh*t is probs a better dream then YOU.

EVERYONE: (gasps)

DREAM GUY: Well said Skyler you really put this misogenistic fuck in his place: DROOL ON!

So I laugh knowing that DREAM GUY is like a 1000 times better then Sharkb*tch: with that BROWN HAIR, GREEN EYES, and SPOT COVERED NOSE, its hard to compare or find a better man all things considered. Sense not beating around his girl is beyond Sharkboys comprehend I dream up some DREAM ZIP TIES and a DREAM GAG strapping the d******* to the side of the LAVAROCKET: JUSTICE SERVED. Then we load up the rocket cause it's time to go to PLANET DROOL: DROOL ON! Getting into the ship we wear 3D GLASSES just like in the movie. Unfortunate I have to wear Sharkf*ck's glasses cause they were not expecting guests meaning I wear boy glasses instead of girl glasses. Needless to say tho I am a little gender non conforming so its ok if my masculin side comes out just a little bit. 

LAVAGIRL: Hey DREAM GUY sit next to me please! (patting the chair next to her blushing)

DREAM GUY: Woah woah Lavy I think I sit here for now (chuckling as he takes the seat next to me: oh f*ck, I can barely beleive he wants to sit next to me isntead. So the urge to say I have to sh*t and hide in the bathroom in nervousy is big: needless to say I resist the urge cause this is TOO GOOD to pass up. I whiff my pits: not too bad.)

ME: HEY DREAM GUY! (playing it cool) So, uh: WHATS UP?

DREAM GUY: So I just wanted to say what you did back there to stand up to Sharkc*ck was real f*cking brave. And I kinda admire you cause you DREAMED me up: tho it is true that my evil AUNT NIGHTMARE dwells the surface of Planet drool in some lame a** cave I know cause of you I can be a good dream! (he giggles all shy: SQUEE.)

ME: (blushing) Your too kind

DREAM GUY: I think I can trust you... can I ask you a question (stammering) its about a girl I like.

Oh my f****g G*d, my non gender conforming ovary's are about to BLOW: either that or its my A** trying to hold in my SH*TS OF NERVOUSY. But needless to say I stay strong, I am READY to accept the advance of DREAM GUY.

ME: Yeah what can I help you with (thinking: maybe for our 1st date we can go to IHOP, Leighton can even drive us there and eat with us if he promises not to BOOZE UP.)

DREAM GUY: So I really like her (points a thumb at f****g LAVAGIRL) but don't know how to ask her out.

ME: ...

DREAM GUY: What are you think

ME: ...Idk dude

DREAM GUY: Oh, ok

So needless to say when the LAVASHIP lands on PLANET DROOL we can already hear the crazed screams of the Dinksters as they unleash h*ll upon the theme park. DREAM GUY wonders up to LAVAGIRL and places his hands on her sholders and says hes into it: LAVAGIRL IS SQUEEING. F*** HER THAT WAS MY DREAM NOT HERS. Turning around with anger I use dream powers to EXPLODE the LAVASHIP TO F***NG BITS.

Also Sharkf*ck was still strapped to it when it blew up so he's dead now but F**K HIM TOO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Leighton's Corner. I apologize if I seem a little "out of it" in my writing today. Simply put, the additional responsibilities I've had to take in my care for Skyler have been quite exhausting and have left me feeling more like a soulless husk than a living, breathing human being. Not only do I have to make her breakfast and take her to school, but I'm also expected to make sure she goes to bed on time, too. Mother used to do that, back when she lived in our house, by beating on her door at midnight and then disabling the wireless internet connectivity to ensure she was not browsing the net. This seemed a bit authoritarian to me, so I instead let Skyler stay up late. After all, as long as she passes "pit check" in the morning, she can skip the shower. It's a practice she learned from me, after all. Father may gripe that it's irresponsible, but he wallows in his room all day eating Papa John's and drawing welfare, so his opinions are of no matter to me. 
> 
> I'd spoken about my semester project from film school previously, and ever since I'd penned that detail, the haunting memory of that assignment couldn't leave my consciousness alone. So, despite my best interests, I opened that cursed .mp4 file and watched my critically lambasted creation once more. "The Truth in the Darkness", that short film was titled. A piece about a young man who, after growing exhausted of a thankless life without love or friends, lashes out against society and administers justice to those who deserve it most. Regardless of what my classmates at the time had said, it's not a self-insert story; I, personally, would never do something as elementary as that. The protagonist in my short film was his own person. Just because I played his role means nothing. I had offered that position to my roommate, Brian, but he decided he wanted to run the camera instead. His cinematography was dreck.
> 
> In regards to the content of the "chap chap", there's only one thing I want to address. If any boy were to try to date my sister, and I found them untrustworthy, I would not hesitate to monitor his behavior until I deemed him someone worth Skyler's time. Enough people have failed her already, especially my parents. To have another worthless waste of oxygen waltz into her life and manipulate her like a plaything would simply be too much for me to bear.
> 
> Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to chew out my father like I promised myself I would earlier. Hasta la vista!


	12. EVIL HIGH AND LOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically everything in my life went right down the TOILET: Farley is dating f****g Hanna, my mom isn't coming home still, dad got "sick", and overall I feel like MAJOR SUCKAGE. But theirs some good news in this world of sh*t! 1st off big bro Leighton doesn't turn off the wifi at midnight so I dont have to use phone data any more. 2nd the superattendant is going to close school for summer soon which means WE GET A SUMMER BREAK AFTER ALL. 3rd is a little more embarassing :) ok so you know how I said I could get 100s of other boys if I want: well at long last I FOUND 1. So his name is Gilbert (poor f*cking guy) and he sits alone every day at lunch and I told him I'm his girlfriend now. Needless to say he agrees but I think he thinks I said girl friend instead of girlfriend so uh f*ck. He is decently cute: BLACK HAIR, BROWN EYES, and does nothing but play Team Fortress 2 all day. A computer game but Farley doesnt seem to think he is PC master race anyway but what the f*ck ever, F*** FARLEY.
> 
> More updates on GILBERT in the future: for now tho chap chap incoming!

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY NIGHT 11:00 PM  
SETTING: PLANET DROOL CAVE

So in a dark cave somewhere on PLANET DROOL, the cave was a right proper mess, with wet puddles and evil darkness all around: CREEPY. And sitting on her bed the master of the household was there, UGLY AS H*LL and doing her evil witchcraft. Taking PLANET DROOL signs she preps her magic wand and cackles with evil, her wrinkle face like a n*tsack except as least a n*tsack has a pair of b*lls: AUNT NIGHTMARE is a coward THRU AND THRU.

AUNT NIGHTMARE: Hocus pocus, CENSORUS KAZAM!

BOOM: just like that the PLANET DROOL signs now say PLANET FOOL. Needless to say AUNT NIGHTMARE howls with delight knowing her orwellian plots against this god forsaking dream planet may 1 day help with her final goal: ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION of the godd*mn place: DON'T DROOL ON! Lerching over to start her next sign her phone begins to ring: giggling AUNT NIGHTMARE picks up the call ready to hear the unknown and mystery voice on the other side:

???: Hey auntie.

AUNT NIGHTMARE: Oh good my nephew: have you COMPLETED YOUR TASK?

???: Yes auntie thanks to youre guidence the DREAMER SKY is now a step closer to having her dreams destroy: to those ends she will be UNABLE TO FIGHT meaning PLANET DROOL is ours to destroy!

BOTH: (laughing without control)

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

DATE: DITTO ABOVE  
TIME: DITTO ABOVE  
SETTING: PLANET DROOL SURFACE

Ok so meanwhile on the surface of PLANET DROOL you can imagine how d**n furious I was that DREAM GUY was waltsing along with Lavagirl his arm over her sholders: INTENSE RAGE. Needless to say I was shaking so mad and trying to keep my distance knowing I could destroy them ALL if I wanted: that's how POWERFUL dream powers are. DREAM GUY looks over at me and takes a quick phone call, what the f*** is so funny that hes cackling so loud, oh well none of my concern. Then as he hangs up we find were in the middle of the THEME PARK where the body's of kids lay around with SPILLED BLOOD and GORE. D*mn but this is hardly new to me after seeing THE DREAMER MAX dead in the f*cking streets.

DINKY WINKS: (landing in front of us tossing his umbrella aside) DID SOMEBODY RING THE DINKSTER?

ME: No you dipsh*t.

So Dinky Winks quickly realising Im not in the mood for his sh** drops the f*cking act, Dinky jr hopping out from behind him in the process. Needless to say tho they are quite enjoying themselves and pull out BULL RIFLES: f*ck looks like our deaths are the next attraction. Well shoot DREAM GUY as much as they want as far as I'm concerned: FAILED DREAM.

DREAM GUY: Woah woah woah stay away from Lavy!

LAVAGIRL: Aw DREAM GUY :) Your too good to me

ME: Shut the f*** up you 2 (shoving a finger to Dinkys chest) Look dude I'm fed up with fighting you A.S.S agents already just let us the f*** thru so we can get the DREAMER MAX back.

DINKY WINKS: Huh: what's the A.S.S?

DINKY JR: Beats me paw

ME: Your sh*tting me? So basically their the evil group trying to DESTROY ALL DREAMS: last I heard there tearing down all public schools and replacing them with CHAIN DINERS like CRACKER BARELL and IHOP to make kids rome the streets and get gunned down by violent th*gs.

DINKY WINKS: Chain diners: does that include PERKINS?

DREAM GUY: Look man lets just--

ME: I SAID SHUT THE F**K UP. Any way Dinky (clearing my throat) yeah I think Perkins too.

DINKY WINKS: (distrot) So PERKINS is my favorite restraint: HOWEVER by replacing alot of schools with PERKINS it would trigger overexpansion meaning Perkins files for BANKRPUSY in the long run and ending Perkins for good: for the good of ME and DINKY JRS favorite restraint we pledge to stop the A.S.S with you together!

LAVAGIRL: Wow Sky you made Dinky join our side!

ME: Yeah I f***ing know now lets go Dinkies.

So walking along the way we pass a ROLLER COASTER: as the cart squeals to a halt happy children unboard and start running back into the park. 

KID 1: PLANET DROOL has the best theme park in the world: DROOL ON! 

KID 2: the theme park here is much better then the one SILLY OL DINKY runs back on earth. 

KID 3: Si si mis fellow kids this place really is the sh*t. 

Needless to say as casually as possible the Dinkster points them out to his son who aims with his gun and fires:

BAM BAM BAM

The kids falling to the ground dead, one of the kids is suddenly revealed as an adult as the hologram device falls off him: CENSORSHIP STRIKES AGAIN. Looking closer at the grown up we look at all the details: BADA** MUSTASHE, leather JACKET, and a MASHETE strapped to his side. It is O.S.S agent and BOSS SPY, MASHETE CORTES: this is f****g bad news.

MASHETE: Ay claro pendejo, Dinky Winks has shot the living f*ck outta me: KILL HIM AT ONCE!

ME: MASHETE!? WHAT ARE U DOING HERE?

MASHETE: Undercover work to make sure you pendejos dont f*cking die clearly

ME: But Dinky was gonna be on my side we don't have to fight.

MASHETE: I am BOSS SPY so you have no choice

ME: Ah f**k your right...

Welp here we f*****ng go, DINKY WINKS do not look happy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Leighton's Corner. Wow, talk about another thrilling episode in Skyler's story! I certainly didn't expect that ending, and I'm sure that you didn't, either. Once again, censorship has wedged Fiction!Skyler and her travelling companions into her corner, forcing her to participate in conflicts she could've otherwise avoided. What a terrible fate indeed! I can only hope that Fiction!Skyler can get herself out of this pickle without getting too roughed up.
> 
> Speaking of getting roughed up, when I went to chew out my father the other day, he wasn't too happy with the choice words I had selected for him. And not only that, but that haggard old man even tried scampering out of bed and striking me across the face. This didn't end too well for him, as when he lunged forward to assault me, he tripped and wound up shattering his pelvis. Now he's in the hospital, and I have no earthly clue how we're going to afford his surgery. With any luck, they'll see he's a registered organ donor and let him "die of natural causes". Not that anyone else would benefit from having that black heart of his.
> 
> Well, maybe this won't be so bad. If Skyler's school is actually going to be having summer break, then I guess I won't have to make her breakfast in the morning for too much longer. Now, if only online film school would cool down with the assignments. Granted, it's not actually film school, but just a few more core classes that I figured I'd pick up. Things like philosophy, film appreciation, and American literature appreciation. As long as that money Grandfather left me is still kicking around — and neither of my parents find where I've stashed it — then I can prolong my education! So, that's some good news. For now, though, hasta la vista!


	13. THE SPELL OF CENSORSHIP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So lunch is a h*ll of alot different now that Hanna and Farley are dating, now I spend most my time talking to Gilbert but I dont think he gets that hes suppose to be my boyfriend. Poor kid is really d*mn naive but at least hes fun to talk to, he tells me alot of story's about the TF2 Engineer (or engi) and tells me the funny things that the engi says while he plays the game which inspired some Dinky lines in this chap chap! Wow Gilbert is already teaching me TONS (I call him Gilby for short) but he can be a little a**hole sometimes: today he straight up tells me my pits smell "a little on the B.O side" NEEDLESS TO SAY I was FURIOUS but he was really nice about it and said he can bring me some deodorent if I need it. I asked Leigh leigh about it but he says I smell fine and that hes just being a f*ccboi but IDK for sure.
> 
> In other news: we go to visit my dad in the hospitible. So after his pelvis sergery his health goes bad and the doctors say maybe he has corona but maybe not. Well f*** your the hospital not me so why don't you know yet guys: BEATS ME. I was mad that dad cant come home yet but Leighton said the doctors can take AS LONG AS THEY WANT. What the h*ll Leigh leigh your seeming a little on the angry side: sure dad tried to hit you but YOU KINDA DODGED IT DUDE. 
> 
> In this chap chap I take a deeper look at censorship on big bros request (he seemed kinda disaponted with me so I want to make it up to him)

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY NIGHT 11:10 PM  
SETTING: PLANET DROOL

So you know that feeling you got when a cute boy try's talking to you. Or when some evil b*tch lunch lady is literally ABUSING your wrist. Well now TIMES that by A 1000 and thats what it feels like when 2 COWBOYS get close with BULL RIFLES ready to rumble. Needless to say as if this wasnt bad enough: DREAM GUY has roped LAVAGIRL aside where their just f***ng making out. HURL. Seeing those two go at it like d*mn rabbits makes me want to KISS the f*cking GRIM REAPER and DIE: but with Mashete chewing me out theres no choose but to fight: he is BOSS SPY after all.

ME: Sh** do I really have to fight them alone??

MASHETE: Ay claro muchacha, because of my gunshot wound I can't help you: needless to say tho if I could these 2 would be DEAD ALREADY: SPILLED BLOOD and GORE. Then I would of used my special INTESTINAL FINISHER where I slice open there belly's pull out there instestines and wrap em around my big fat...

DINKY WINKS: Lets do this TEXAS STYLE! (fires bullet: DREAM GUY and LAVAGIRL casually side step while still making out and the bullet BARELY misses me)

ME: Sh*t!

DINKY JR: Nice work paw but try shooting again!

MASHETE: Skyler you dumb f*cker you have to fight them: use your DREAM POWERS to turn them into TOTAL PENDEJO SOUP already, this should not be a f**ing challenge you numbn*ts!

Wow what a b*tch but he has a point. H*ll at this point I should of dreamed up a new DREAM GUY to take the place of this last f*cker but it is what it is: focusing hardly I summen a right proper ASSAULT RIFLE ready to gun the Dinkies back into the oil feilds. C*cking the gun I lunge forward to attack: BAD NEWS as from nowhere a group of 4 kicks me down knocking me FLAT ON MY A**. The Dinksters HOWL in laughter as I look at the new enemy's: 1 DAD, 1 MOM, 1 SON AND 1 GIRL. Needless to say its the GIGGLES FAMILY from the SPY KIDS MOVIES: DONNAGEN, FRANSESCA, GERDY, and GARRY GIGGLES.

MASHETE: Chinga tu madre its the Giggles family: they went ROUGE last year and joined A.S.S!

DONNAGEN: Were just in time to beat you and make Dinky join our side: NOW DIE SKYLER!

DINKY: Wahooooeeeyyy: MAKIN BACON!

Sh*t, now my work is really cut out for me: but if this isn't bad enough behind me I do not realize it but DREAM GUY stops swallowing Lavagirls tounge long enough to take another phone call. Then crawling from the deaths of PLANET DROOL comes the fearsome and witchy AUNT NIGHTMARE: rising above with her levatation powers she scowls at me but winks at DREAM GUY.

ME: So uh I guess I'll just SHOOT Dinky and the Giggles family to death: DROOL ON!

AUNT NIGHTMARE: Not so fast Skyler: Hocus pocus, CENSORUS KAZAM!

Just like that her f****d up magic gets to work: the big sign that says PLANET DROOL in the sky turns to PLANET FOOL, and the kids that didn't get shot the f*cking bits by the Dinksters suddenly gasp as DINKY, DINKY JR, and ALL 4 OF THE GIGGLES are replaced by kids that quickly RUN INTO THE CROWD. Now thanks to the power of CENSORSHIP the villians and the innocense are UNDISTINGUISHIBLE.

AUNT NIGHTMARE: Ee hee hee Skyler: to stop the bad guys now youll have to KILL CHILDREN AT RANDOM!

ME: Your sick!

MASHETE: Ay claro Skyler, no need to be a p*ssy like my d*mn nephew. So take that gun, and start DROPPING THEM 1 BY 1.

So yeah :/ needless to say Mashete and AUNT NIGHTMARE have really put me between a sticky situation and Im not even talking about the WET DREAM WATER SLIDE. Gulping and waltsing up to the 1st kid I put my dream gun to his head and swallow: the kid looking at me with a sad expression

ME: Are you a Dinkster or a Giggles

KID: No mam!

MASHETE: Sounds like something a f**king Giggles would say: cap his a**!

ME: But what if its not a Giggles

MASHETE: Then its a god***n DINKSTER!

I fire and the kid falls to the ground without undisgising: f*ck we really f***ed that 1 up. AUNT NIGHTMARE above just cackles like the c*nt she is: wow this is horrible she has forced me to kill kids! Walking over I pop the next 1 but no dice its still not who were looking for. GUYS THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ABOUT THIS ORWELLIAN CENSORSHIP! ITS F***D!

HOW THE F*** WILL I FIND DINKY, DINKY JR OR THE GIGGLES NOW?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Leighton's Corner. If you're looking for an in-depth update on my father, you're not going to get it today. After his surgery, he's been hacking like a full-time NSA agent, and he's grown paler than the grim visage of Death itself. Wouldn't it be beautifully ironic if he survived his pelvic injury, only to succumb to something as rudimentary as the Wuhan flu? (And for the record, social justice warriors, this euphemism for COVID-19 is not racist: it simply denotes a geographic location. Don't buy into the prattling of the easily offended masses.)
> 
> Now, as for the depiction of censorship in this chapter, I found it rather fitting for today's real-world dilemmas. When censorship is involved, intent gets muddled by ignorance, and one might harm an innocent by accident. Without censorship, Fiction!Skyler's attacks would have surely met their correct target. So, in honor of this chapter, I'm going to say something that might be considered brutally honest. And since what I'm saying will be uncensored, I will ensure that this attack meets its correct target.
> 
> Gilbert, if you're reading this chapter, stay the f*** away from my sister. You're in no place to criticize her for how she smells, how she acts, or anything of the sort. And for the love of the nonexistent God, don't you even think about accepting her romantic advances. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that someone of your caliber does not belong in her life, and they certainly, certainly do not belong in mine. Just know that my first impression of you is anything but pleasant. Also, Team Fortress 2 is a putrid excuse of a video game — overrun with racist drivel, anachronisms, and the crudest of humor, anyone worth a fraction of a d*mn will be sure to avoid it, lest they wish to be headshot nine times in a row on 2Fort and laughed at every f*cking time.
> 
> That's it for now. Hasta la vista.


	14. ESCELATING PLANS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW so school basically finally comes to it's end tomorrow on Wendesday meaning this HORRIBLE school year finally comes to a close: ABOUT D*MN TIME. Needless to say alot of bad things threw down: CORONA, the decision to REOPEN FOR LOST TIME, that disgusting MS. C*NTSLEY, and FARLEY dating HANNA instead of ME. So uh yeah >:/ I can only hope that SUMMER VACATION will be even better then school but at this point it may just be me and Leigh leigh in the house all alone this summer: based on the way Leighton talks about GILBY I don't think Gilby will be coming over ANY TIME SOON. Even still I down loaded Team fortess 2 so I can play it with Gilby and started playing as the sniper cause hes accents funny! PISS OF YA BLOODY PIKERS! Lol, needless to say once again he inspires lines in this chap chap so keep your eyes pealed for those.
> 
> Tho I did notice that after playing Team fortress 2 with Gilby all evening that the wifi cut off at midnight. I thought Leigh leigh didnt want to cut off wifi cause it was "authorriterreanean" or something like that (god I know I f**ked that one up even worse then usual) but suddenly the wifis cut off and he's the only other person in the house. I wanted to ask him about it but sense both mom and dad are gone he took there room as his own and started using all there Papa johns coupons: WEIRD. Dont worry tho Leigh leigh cause if you censor my wifi I can censor your Leightons corner: LOL!
> 
> So uh yeah guess I'll go see if I can get some Papas: enjoy the chap chap in the meantime.

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY NIGHT MIDNIGHT  
SETTING: NOT REVEALED YET

So the nightmare was HORRIBLE: zip ties around his arms, gag in his mouth, strapped to the side of a rocket not even themed like him, the last thing he saw: my ANGRY FACE as I use my DREAM POWERS to blow up the LAVAROCKET. Screaming now Sharkboy snaps away from the vision of his own death but wait he's not dead is he. But where are he now? Needless to say looking left and right Sharkf*ck try's to figure out his location: 1st thing he sees is some BRITISH holding a piping hot cup o tea.

TEA MAN: Gotcha ya spastic little gremlin! (british laughing)

SHARKBOY: What the living f*** (snapping up: he sees A.S.S HQ wrote on the wall next to the tapesty of CANE killing ABEL.) That cheating f*** LAVAGIRL telaported me RIGHT into the enemy base, when I see her next she is getting her f*cking a** stomped for f***ing sure GOD D*MN!

LINUS: Easy easy Sharkboy (swiveling in his rollie chair: revealing LINUS the HEAD SPY OF THE A.S.S.)

SHARKBOY: LORD MINUS?

LINUS: Verily its a long story I do reccomend you take that tea.

SHARKBOY: H*ll no tea is a p*ssy drink.

So Linus snapping his fingers uses his own DREAM POWERS to summon DREAM ZIP TIES and a DREAM GAG from the nowhere: P.T.S.D is kicking in immediately for Sharksh*t who starts wimpering like the little b**** he really was: if I were there I WOULD OF LAUGHED SO HARD. So the sharky f*ck takes that tea which is fittingly served to him in a sippie cup. God he looks like such a moron sipping out of that baby sh*t: EMASCULATION.

TEA MAN: You are a BLOODY DISGRACE! (Lord Minus signals TEA MAN: so he reach's forward and slaps Sharkd*ck ACROSS HIS FACE: he starts crying without even removing his fat lips from the sippie cup.)

LORD MINUS: Now Sharkboy I figured you aren't getting along with the NEW DREAMER Skyler very well: using my POWERS I dream adopted you much like I did MR ELECTRIC before he becomes the fearsome virus MR ELECTRIC.EXE. Needless to say your now my dream but d*mn you are so f*cking pathetic its barley worth my time to try fixing you. Maybe i just start fresh and throw this old dream to the dream graveyard.

SHARKBOY: NO PLEASE!

LORD MINUS: Hmmmm well sense you incest: (snapping his fingers: Sharkboy suddenly gasps as he shoots up 3 feet, his six pack harding, new hair ripples across his body in place's he never imagine before: just like that Sharkboy goes from a kid to a seasoned rider of the WET DREAM WATER SLIDE. Linus is so appalled he cant even focus on dreaming up some new pants but Sharkboys current cloths turn blacker and blacker just like his jet black MUSTASH and BEARD. 

SHARKMAN: Woah: I AM NEW AND IMPROVED!

LORD MINUS: By the name of Cane the enemy of GOD you are reborn: dream a better dream as they say... heh heh heh (interupt by a A.S.S goon entering the office) WHAT DO YOU WANT???

GOON: Lord Minus the A.S.S has done it: with HARD WORK and DETERMINATION we replace every pubic school in the world with a CHAIN DINER: CRACKER BARREL, IHOP, PERKINS and MORE!

LORD MINUS: Excellent: soon kids die in the streets and DREAMS WILL BE NO MORE.

Needless to say Lord minus is happy to hear this: with much excitement the WET DREAM WATER SLIDE is about to get one more customer but before he does the goon speaks up again.

GOON: But theres bad news too

LORD MINUS: And what would that be servent.

GOON: Now that schools are gone instead of roming the streets the kids are just... well uh... how do I say this... well Lord minus there just staying home with the parents... instead of getting killed by th*gs and hoodlums.

LORD MINUS: ...

GOON: Like honestly you should of expected this: schools close EVERY SUMMER and kids dont just hang out in alleyways with drug dealers the whole time, god Lord Minus your kind of a f*cking moron you know that?

So Lord minus sighs gritting his teeth in PURE ANGER: the rage is so much that he focused his DREAM POWERS on the shandaleir with candles hanging above GOON'S head. Needless to say his powers grow stronger and the shandaleir trembles even harder right above the GOON: then with a slam of his hand the goon fly's STRAIGHT UP in the shandaleir. Before too long the candles light the goon on fire leaving a charred and crispy meat slab behind: GROSS.

LORD MINUS: Sharkman go fetch a ladder to get that f*cker down with.

SHARKMAN: Yes sir

LORD MINUS: And Tea man...

TEA MAN: (looks up in fear)

LORD MINUS: Initiate plan to replace all FAMILY HOUSEHOLDS with chain diners: AT ONCE!

TEA MAN: Lets have a go at it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Leighton's Corner. Despite my warnings, Skyler continues to ignore me and to blindly follow the requests of "Gilby" as if she were his ******* ******** ******. First it was her expressing doubt about the whole "pit check" thing, but honestly, I wasn't even that hurt about that. It was her insistence on playing Team Fortress 2 with him this evening that really drove the point home that she's become nothing more than * *********** ***** to whoever ******** *** ***** ****. So, that's fine. Go ahead and *** ****** ** ******* with him for as long as you like. Or, at the very least, until you've found that your wireless internet connectivity has vanished! Let's see who gets the last laugh now!
> 
> In other news, I've seized what used to be my parents' bedroom and turned it into my own dwelling place! My previous quarters were barely large enough to contain both my bed and my dresser, but the extra space in Mother and Father's abode is more than enough to hold me and my upcoming hot date! That's right, Skyler's not the only one who's garnering all sorts of attention for themselves. After realizing how empty the house was going to be with my parents absent, I finally took the plunge, downloaded Tinder, and swiped to my heart's content. The choice female I settled for was a real beaut: blonde hair that looks to flow in the wind angelically, crystal blue orbs that pierce the soul, and a penchant for art films of the early 1900s. I wonder if "The Truth in the Darkness" will strike her fancy, but maybe that's more of a... third date sort of thing, if you get my drift.
> 
> Anyhow, I've rambled on for long enough. It's about time I utilized my parents' leftover Papa John's coupons in order to score myself some late-night dinner. Mayhap a fresh meat lover's pie will satiate my rumbling stomach. And maybe my cinephile girlfriend will turn out to be a meat lover such as I, too. For now, though, hasta la vista!


	15. THE REAL DREAM REVEALED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY LATE 4TH OF JULY! So wow its been a real long f*****ng time sense the last chap chap: almost 2 WEEKS to be exact. Needless to say I am here to give you a GREAT explanation for where Ive been. My dad got confirmed with the corona and went critical while in the hospitible: YIKES it was not good at all. Things got pretty emotional in there we even had to bring him his favorite Papas pie to keep him from being histerical: good ol plain cheese with the Papas garlic sauce on the side. So despite my worst fears (and Leigh leighs hopes apparently) Dad wound up NOT GETTING DEAD and may soon be returning to my house :) needless to say tho Leighton is furious specially sense his Tinder date keeps delaying his date and he hasnt gotten to take her to "his" new room yet (read: MOM AND DAD'S ROOM.) Oh and speaking of Mom: HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HER AT ALL.
> 
> All in all a bit f***ing YIKES: just spending my days going to cinnagog with Hanna (cinnagog is like sunday school but without Jesus so we learn more about CAIN and ABEL there) and also playing Team Fortress 2 with GILBY: I think he is getting more brave to be around me cause recently he said that he liked me as a friend! Which is really d*mn cool wonder how soon I can upgrade that to GIRLFRIEND cause clearly Farley is too busy d*cking around with Hanna. But uh not like literally shes too innocent.
> 
> But I ramble long enough: ENJOY THE CHAP CHAP.

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY NIGHT MIDNIGHT  
SETTING: PLANET DROOL

So basically its been like 2 weeks sense I last wrote: thats like 14 GODD*MN DAYS when converted to days! Needless to say it can be hard to keep up with where all these characters are but its ok if I flub a few deets so anyway cutting right back to the chase. Running up to the next set of kids I give them the old TRIPLE TAP right in the forehead and they fall dead: sh*t, these guys ARENT GIGGLES OR DINKSTERS EITHER. Total chaos all around me: MASHETE the BOSS SPY in my ear saying something about puta madres telling me to get better at guessing, AUNT NIGHTMARE in the sky cackling like a total c*nt, DREAM GUY sucking on LAVAGIRLS tongue: again I say right proper f*cking CHAOS. 

MASHETE: Ay claro puta madre your killing too many real kids: find the fake 1s the Giggles and Dinksters disguise as PRONTO!

AUNT NIGHTMARE: Ehhehehehe: my spell is UNBEATABLE!

DREAM GUY: (snorkeling in the sea of LAVAGIRL'S SPIT.)

So uh f**k as Leigh leigh would of said I have really wrote myself into a corner here: am I DOOMED? Looking over I see something suspicious: 6 kids who seem much taller then they should be and their all hiding from me talking in a weird sort of way. Hmmm I think wonder what could be going on here: listening in I hear what they got to say.

KID 1: Yeehaw watching this all sure is a hoot!

KID 2: Sure is pard: we and our other 4 friends here sure love to watch SKY THE DREAMER suffer!

MASHETE: THERE THEY ARE MIERDA FOR BRAINS: KILL THEM THIS INSTANT!

So instantly knowing this f*ckers are the Dinksters and the Giggles I charge a super powerful DREAM BLAST much like the 1 God uses to destroy Saddam and gamora back in the early days of the wars between the ORDER OF CAIN and the ORDER OF ABEL. Needless to say this blast will eradicate those b****es from existance: launching it the 6 explode into a flash of light and holy fire. Then bloody chunks rain from the heavens but the disguises DO NOT TURN OFF ITS STILL F*CKING KIDDIE GIBLETS.

AUNT NIGHTMARE: Ehehehe you just killed the PLANET DROOL SADISM CLUB, thats not the Dinksters and Giggles you godd*mn f*cking dipsh**! Its gonna take a real MIRACLE to save you from the wrath of me and my neffy neffy Skyler: so prepare to BURN under the wrath of my ultimate spell! HOCUS POCUS, CENSORUS KAZ-

And then suddenly like from nowhere in a instant I hear the CHOO CHOO of a train: then comes the TRAIN OF THOUGHT as featured in Robert rodriggezs ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL. So needless to say based on how fast that train is going whoevers driving it has loco motives: with a honk and a splat AUNT NIGHTMARE goes from the evil auntie of DREAM GUY to nothing more then a pool of pathetic blood, looks like ketchup for FRENCH FRIES not FREEDOM FRIES. Censorus kazam wearing off in a instant reveals where the DINKSTERS AND GIGGLES were the whole time: completely f*cking invisible they were never disgised as kids at all.

ME: Mashete you b*tch you had me cappin kids for no reason.

MASHETE: Sky sky muchacha cappin is like smilin you dont need a reason to do it.

DINKY: Jokes on you tho: WE'RE STILL ALIVE!

Suddenly the TRAIN OF THOUGHT swerves and runs over the Dinksters and Giggles killing them instantly.

MASHETE: Ay claro ese tren knows how to matar un puto, heh heh heh.

ME: Shut the f*** up Mashete (walking up to the TRAIN OF THOUGHT) whose driving this thing?

Needless to say with a hiss of steam the train door popping open: just like that DREAM GUY stops sucking Lavagirls voice box long enough to realise his pathetic auntie is dead f*cking meat and his plans are ruined. Then stepping out of the train comes someone new: with BLACK angle wings instead of white 1s: his hair BLACK, eyes BROWN: WHO COULD IT BE?

DREAM GUY: Stop right there fake DREAM GUY: or should I say NIGHTMARE GUY!

NIGHTMARE GUY: (wrench's mouth away from Lavagirl's) F*ck my covers blown!

OMG GUYS: THE REAL DREAM GUY WAS OUT THERE ALL ALONG!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Leighton's Corner. Yes, I know what you're wondering, and I agree. It's been a long, long time since we last had one of our down-to-earth "fireside chats" here in warm and cozy Leighton's Corner, hasn't it? Don't worry, for school is back in session. (I do not refer to actual public school, since those are obviously closed due to both summer vacation and the coronavirus. The "school" in question here are the end notes of each chapter of this story, and the lessons taught here are valuable, valuable ones indeed. [One might even call them invaluable.]) Now, in today's analysis, it would appear that Fiction!Skyler's previous Dream Guy turned out to be nothing more than a farce, a travesty; now, the true Dream Guy has revealed his face, and quite an ugly face it seems to be. A train-dwelling maniac who maims any pedestrians who happens along his path? If you were to ask me for my predictions for this story, I would say Fiction!Skyler will soon learn how terrible this new Dream Guy is, and will promptly ditch him without a second thought as well.
> 
> But that's enough about Fiction!Skyler's relationship dilemmas. After all, I only find it appropriate that we touch on my problems instead, wouldn't you say? As discussed last time, I've established contact with quite the feminine specimen, and wish to take her on a wonderful dinner date before bringing her to my humble estate. However, figuring out a date in which we can both meet has proven to be somewhat... problematic. It's not that she's hesitant to meet — she's told me she's just a little shy, that's all. And sure, that shyness has prevented her from repaying me for the selfies I've sent to her, too. But that bashfulness will be an obstacle soon overcome. Once we meet in person, and she's seen me for the person I truly am, I know she'll treat me exactly as I deserve.
> 
> Meanwhile, some people are forced to settle for manipulative f*ckstains that try to turn them against common sense. Needless to say, I pity those people.
> 
> I pity them very much.
> 
> For now, hasta la vista.


	16. TRAIN RIDE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So its basically another boring summer day: today I wake up really early in the morning, apply deoderent to my pits, and brows the Team Fortress 2 store and get alot of cool hats for my main Sniper: PISS OFF YA BLOODY WANKERS! Tho I gotta say alot of the people I care about do not want me playing TF2: Hanna says PC gaming is EVIL and Leigh leigh doesnt like that I spent all my time on Discord call with Gilby (GilbyEngieMain on discord). Well Leigh leigh Im not up your a** about who your talking up am I? And speaking of which Leightons date finally came over to our house last night but she wasnt who he was expecting at all. Matter of fact Leighton starts screaming about how he got "f****** catfished" but I think he was just mad because he wasnt expecting her to be the waitress from IHOP who likes THE LAST JEDI. Funny how that happens maybe if Leighton swallows his pride he could get some p***y: LOL. (to Hanna: I will explain this one later)
> 
> So yeah I think Leighton just spends the whole night in Mom and dads room eating Papa johns pizza and crying himself to sleep. While I was browsing the TF2 store however Leighton comes BARGING IN and pops a squat right next to me on the computer saying: LETS WRITE A NEW CHAP CHAP RIGHT NOW. So yeah pretty much I was sorta forced to do this and not entirely sure why but whatever: needless to say THIS CHAP CHAP WILL BE FIRE ANYWAY. 
> 
> SPOILER WARNING: Btw Leighton made a special request to appear in the story this time so expect him to appear

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY NIGHT 12:20 AM  
SETTING: PLANET DROOL

First things first the real DREAM GUY walks up to NIGHTMARE GUY and rips his discussing mouth right off Lavagirls lips before he can even beg for mercy: JUSTICE for the tricksy snake if you ask me, I should of knew. These f*ckboys with green eyes brown hair and the little dots all over there nose: CAN'T BE TRUSTED. But the real DREAM GUY? So just look at that black hair, the brown eyes and not a dot in sight: needless to say this DREAM GUYS THE REAL DEAL. 

NIGHTMARE GUY: (hissing and spitting like a d*mn fairel cat) UNHAND ME THIS INSTANTS!

DREAM GUY: Seems like this man ho needs attitude ajustment, unhand this ya twerp (backhands him, dropping NIGHTMARE GUY to the ground next to his dead AUNT NIGHTMARE. Lavagirl now free from NIGHTMARE GUY sees the real DREAM GUY standing over her imposing and hansome: immadiately Lavagirl drops to her knees READY FOR SERVICE but DREAM GUY just scoughs)

LAVAGIRL: My hero!

DREAM GUY: Easy there tigeress: theres only 1 GIRL I would ever want that from.

So needless to say I turn red in a snap of the fingers: OH MY G*D. That was the sign i needed all along that out there in the world there was the REAL DREAM GUY that Ive seeked out my whole life long life. So just like that I am thinking, where can I take him for a 1st date: maybe to a IHOP or PERKINS sense every public school on earth has been teared down and replaced with them. 

ME: (again keeping it cool) HEY DREAM GUY!

NIGHTMARE GUY: (cralling up from ground snearing evilly) Whats poppin?

DREAM GUY: LOOK OUT SKY: everyone get on the Train of thought weve gotta get the f**k outta here!

So everyone running in fear of NIGHTMARE GUY hops on the train: in the process me and Lavagirl tramble the ever living sh*t out of him leaving NIGHTMARE GUY looking more like NIGHTMARE PANCAKE: probably from a gross a** place like Cracker barrell as well now that I am thinking about it. Needless to say NIGHTMARE GUY grumbling something beyond our comprehend but its too late as DREAM GUY starts up the Train of thought making us choo choo choo into the distants. Very nice cause if we stayed any longer Id have make NIGHTMARE GUY choo choo choo on my f*cking shoo shoo shoo: GOTEEM!

DREAM GUY: Next stop Maxes hideout, so Sky I know your looking for MAX THE DREAMER who has astro projected to PLANET DROOL after his orinigal form was destroy: DROOL ON! 

ME: Your right (blushing so heavy you would think I am tomato.)

DREAM GUY: Haha yeah Max is the most admired guy on this whole d*mn planet.

ME: (gulp) Actually i beg to differ (leaning closer to him)

So DREAM GUY getting the hint leans in to kiss me but Lavagirl try's to hop between us and get the kiss instead: wow she is CLEARLY not over her bf being a fake the whole time. But needless to say the real DREAM GUY having class shoves Lavagirl aside and she falls into a baby chair in the train: serves her right honestly your too naive for a real bf. And now oh my G*d I feel my non gender conforming ovary's pulsing as DREAM GUY comes in for the kiss: I start to pucker too and 

(Ok hold on Leigh leigh is sitting next to me as I type this he says it his turn now)

Alas, as Dream Guy grew closer to Skyler's lips, a most unusual occurrence came to be. For as an individual from the world of reality and an individual born of dreams came closer and closer, it soon became clear that physical contact between them was all but impossible. Nay, it was more than impossible — it was forbidden. One face phased through another. As that so-desired kiss resulted in failure, both Skyler and Dream Guy were aghast, wondering to themselves if they'd done something wrong. The answer to that, unfortunately, was all to obvious to me, stalking forward stealthily from the back of the train.

LEIGHTON: Oh, dearest me, sister. Haven't I taught you this lesson already? A Dream Significant Other is something that can never be kissed, that can never be felt. They only persist in your imagination. To fulfill your romantic desires upon them? Such is a privilege the world will never grant you. And with this train-piloting maniac, Skyler, you'll have to go through more than just the world to score a kiss from him. You will have to go through me as well.

(Leigh leigh passed the keyboard back to me now and says if I get rid of it or censor then I dont get Papas for dinner tonight)

(...idk what to do now???)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, and welcome back to Leighton's Corner. A flabbergasted Skyler has just abandoned me at her computer, but we reached the word count for the chapter, so I figured it'd be alright if I segued right into my personal segment of the story! As you can see, Fiction!Leighton has appeared to stop Fiction!Skyler from making her advances on Dream Guy. Now, I know this looks contrived, but I assure you, this "fictitious intervention" is being done for the greater good of both the story and my sister's psychological well-being. Simply put, I think we all have a good idea who this new "Dream Guy" is supposed to represent — an individual who's corrupted Reality!Skyler with so-called "gifts" of false knowledge, bad influence, and pungent-smelling deodorant she doesn't even need to use. So if there was ever a time for me to step in, it's now.
> 
> And before she and any of her mewling friends try to call me out, this has nothing to do "jealousy" regarding the fact that she has a relationship and I don't. What happened with my date the other night was nothing more than a fluke. After all, it's not my fault I didn't recognize that wench from iHOP — these blonde feminist types come a dime a dozen, and quite frankly, sending her out the door after realizing she was the server from before was something I don't regret in the slightest. Besides, being single is great. In a state such as that, there will never be someone looking over my shoulder, judging my every move, leaping in to change my actions just because they don't like them.
> 
> As tempting as is it to take this opportunity to uncensor my passages from previous chapters, I simply can't be bothered. Right now, the priority is making "Gilby" go bye-bye, so perhaps I'll start by uninstalling Team Fortress 2 from this machine, as any sane-minded gamer would have done many years ago. 
> 
> Hasta la vista!


	17. SUNSET AT THE BORDER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A FEW THINGS TO NOTE:
> 
> 1\. Needless to say things were BAD ENOUGH when dads pelvis shattered but as if that wasn't enough s*** for us to deal with: NEXT HE GOT CORONA. So now dad stayed in the hospital for even longer and then mom finally filed the f*cking divorce papers, MY FAMILY IS IN SHAMBLES. The stress is so big I can hardly find time to write my story: THAT'S LIFE.
> 
> 2\. Leigh leigh still has a extra chapped a**hole because of GILBY. So needless to say resuming the story after Leighton taking over at the end of Chapter 16 feeled like a right proper pain in the a**: however I HAVE A PLAN. So enjoy a few chap chaps catching up with JUNY CORTES as I sort all this s*** out.
> 
> 3\. All my friends take breaks from the archive cause I stopped harrassing them for new chap chaps every day. WORRY NOT cause needless to say I am now harrassing them for new content again. So look forward to more comments and material from me :)
> 
> 4\. The superintendent OPENED SCHOOL AGAIN so yeah its back to the grind for me: UGH.
> 
> 5\. Please enjoy the chap chap :)

DATE: FEBUARY 14 202X  
TIME: MONDAY NIGHT 10:00 PM  
SETTING: EL PASO TEXAS

The sun blazing across the desert as tumple weeds roll on past: needless to say its another scorcher but thats all to be expected from a wasteland like EL PASO in the heart of Texas. So this city use to be a marvelous place with all sorts of fun times for the whole family: restarants, movie theaters, putt putts bowlin alleys and more. However that all changed 1 terrible day when the "plague" and needless to say there ranks are roming around like LOCUSTS. Dragging wheel borrows behind them filled to the brim with cr*ck w**d and other illegal things: DRUG DEALERS. And as the sun sets specially low a young chica emerges from a busted a** cr*ck house looking for escape: BOLTING as fast as she can across the desert. Unfortunate her foot crunches against sand and all the cartell members fling heads towards her. Needless to say its like bird box as all the dealers hearing the noise swoop in for the kill. Now the young chica is sex trafficing: D*MN that's cold.

Suddenly in the dessert horizen walking afront the sunset comes a new shadow. Needless to say the dealers are shook

DEALER 1: Ay claro hombre is that who I think it is?

DEALER 2: Si si the 1 the boss warned us about?

DEALER 1: Igualmente mi hombre now get yourself a piece.

DEALER 2: But we just kidnapped her mon

DEALER 1: Ay claro dumbf*** I mean a gun.

So the 2 dealers getting out there guns approach the wondering man in the desert and aim for the head. Needless to say its bad news for the stranger as 1 wrong move means the golden sands of the desert will be gray: spalltered with the GRAY MATTER of Junys skull. But wait, who is this stranger any way? So as the dealers get closer they suddenly GASP recognising the man. With his ginger hair his flab gut and crumbs all over his Wal mart polo theres no mistaking it. Its JUNY CORTES of fame who saves the world with heroism not once not twice but THRICE as seen in the SPY KIDS movies. (sentence taken from 1st chap chap to jog your memory.)

JUNY: (eating a chicken bisky)

DEALER 1: Hands up gringo and don't make a move.

So Juny puts 1 hand up and continues eating the chicken bisky with the other: FATA**.

DEALER 2: Oi fat f*ck he says HANDS UP not HAND UP: can't you f******* count?

JUNY: Yea and I'm not a gringo: can't you f*cking see?

D*mn the dealers gotta admit: JUNY GOT THEM GOOD. Needless to say there not happy now and waltsing forward with only the empty desert backdrop as the background. Well ok so maybe it's not that empty as there are IHOPS and PERKINS and DENNIES all over the desert now thanks to Lord Minuses plan: IRRELEVANT as my point being theres no 1 to watch the untimely and very certain death of JUNY CORTES in the next few minutes.

DEALER 1: Well you were defiantly raised in America just look at how fat you are.

DEALER 2: Ay claro we're straving to death over here hombre: mean while this guero is f*cking ch*nky. Better drop the rest of that chicken bisky: it might KILL YOU if you finish it.

JUNY: Suit yourselfs (chunks the bisky into the sand)

Needless to say the dealers are unhappy with there dinner getting all sandy so DEALER 1 pistol whips Juny making him spit up a plume of blood. Then laughing to them selves the dealers split whats left of the bisky and start chewing it up: TASTY. But wait this bisky is even more tasty then usual. They feel their tounges dancing, their mouth swooning and their lips foaming.

DEALER 1: Mmmmm my tounge is dancing and my mouth is SWOONING.

DEALER 2: Tambien mi amigo and my lips are foaming to.

DEALER 1: Si

There was a silence for a bit

DEALER 1: Wait foaming?

Suddenly realizing they're eat a syanide chicken bisky the 2 dealers turn to Juny SCREAMING: the secret agent only smirks knowing that eating the rest of that bisky REALLY WOULD of killed him.

JUNY: I figure something like this might happen, specially from ratfink b*tches like you who kidnapped my sister.

DEALER 1: ...Who!?

JUNY: No matter now tell me where your cartell HQ is and you get antadote.

DEALER 1: Mama mia you cheap mother f*cker!

DEALER 2: Lo siento amigo but we must tell him: the base is in Huarez Mexico now please save us!

JUNY: Si si, but you 2 still look hungry: how about a ALL AMERICAN BULLET to munch on?

Needless to say as the sun dips behind the far away mountens 2 gunshots ring out to the distance: with a flump and a flump the shadowy man puts his glock away and its off to Huarez for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another segment of Leighton's Corner. While it's true that the story had been on "temporary hiatus" for a while, never fear, because we're back and at it again once more. Though Reality!Skyler and I have had our creative differences in the past, we were able to come to a compromise of sorts so that I may continue to pen these end-of-chapter notes. More details about that will come in the near future, but in short, you can expect to see more of my insights and less of "Gilby's" moving forward. I think it's for the best, though — after all, Reality!Skyler and I simply need each other if we want to survive. Family should stick together, after all, provided that the "family" in question isn't either of my landfill-esque parents with their infinite stupidity. They can rot in the deepest pits of Tartarus for all I care, and you can understand how serious I am by the fact I would even entertain the reality of paganist beliefs at all.
> 
> Now! That's enough about me. All these past few months aside, I am truly still the same Leighton (jaded, depressed, single, and all: do you pity me yet?). And, as we have seen expressed through today's "chap chap", Juni is also still the same as ever, too. Overweight, munching upon his chicken biscuits, and determined to do what he needs to do. However, there has been some amount of change, as one might notice from Juni's willingness to murder those drug dealers with such efficiency. Mayhap Juni is evolving to be more like his Uncle Machete? Mayhap Juni cowers within the censoring curtains of platitudes of pacifism no longer? 
> 
> It goes without saying, but I am quite invested in seeing how this character arc plays out. Until then, though, hasta la vista!


	18. BOOBIE TRAPPED BARRELL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recently my friend Hanna brings it to my attention that using real names on the internet could be UNWISE as bad people lurk about to steal identity's and such: THING IS tho I dont think any criminal with 1/2 a f*cking brain cell would want to steal my identity. Why you ask well its cause my LIFE IS FALLING THE F*** APART! My dad is a medical case my mom is divorcing us and Leigh leigh doesn't want me to talk to my BOYFRIEND GILBY. (So maybe he does not know it yet but I assure you HE IS MINE.) Needless to say things are miserable as usual but at least I have archive and my PC to get me thru it: and not infected by MR. ELECTRIC.EXE either :) So bet you didnt know that with Nord vpn you can change your internet for safe browsing and that with voice changers you can disgise your voice on Discord? My networking teacher at school tells me so: ITS NEAT. Well needless to say now I can be as safe as can be on the interwebs now and no 1 will ever realise who I am: FOOLPROOF so identity trolls BEGONE.
> 
> What was the point of me rambling about that you ask. Well its good to LEARN SOMETHING for a change so STAY SAFE ONLINE: hope you f*ckwads enjoy the chap chap :)

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 1:30 AM  
SETTING: HUAREZ MEXICO

Needless to say the place looked like a f***ing DUMP. Unlike the drug dealers in America which got plenty of help and assistiance from Ronald raigen the CARTELL has no govermental entity's to help them at all: LONE WOLFS. So all that can be found here is sand upon sand, busted a** cr*ck houses and the center peace of it all: a CRACKER BARRELL. Unlike newer restarants build by LORD MINUS this 1 seems broken down and ready to colaps. Seeing the restarant reminds JUNY CORTES of something else: looking in his hands in the CERAMIC FARMHOUSE from the Cracker barrell in Maxes hometown. Needless to say this GIFT WRAPPED PRESENT is covered in ash's as Juny burned the whole f*cker down waaayy back in Chapter 4: IRRELEVENT.

JUNY: When i find you sister this PRESENT will be yours to keep (kisses the farmhouse)

Question is tho how does Juny get to the cartells HQ? Juny remembering how he use to give tours of the O.S.S (ORGANISATION OF SUPER SPY'S) before the SPY WARS began is thinking: what if there are BROSHURES for the CARETELL HQ inside the old CRACKER BARRELL? Needless to says its a long shot but still a plossible possibility. And besides Juny is wandering if he can rade the kitchen for another chicken bisky and maybe even swap out the farmhouse for a less ashy one

JUNY: It's worth a try I guess... what would uncle Mashete think...

To be honest Mashete would probs think that Juny is a b*tch as usual but right now Mashete is pretending to be a kid on Planet drool so who gives a f*ck what he thinks. Not me cause I think HE'S KINDA AN A**HOLE. Needless to say Juny agrees as he tip toes over to the CRACKER BARELL front porch: rockin chairs checker boards and american flags all about. So suddenly stepping forward Junys made a bad move: stepping on a HIDDEN PRESSURE PLATE you can here something happen.

THWING

And then the cartell-cr*ck-needle-on-a-stick swish's down like its a f*****g trap from HOME ALONE or something. Juny bearly dodges and tuck n rolls across the ground: seeing the siringe he almost wants to barf. This boobie trap is loaded with industral grade cr*ck and as such would of killed Juny in a instance just like those monsters he feeds the chicken bisky to last chap chap. Sighing a sigh of relief Juny is glad that his side plot does not end two chap chaps in.

JUNY: F*ck me that was close (steps forward and hits another pressure plate: another cartell-cr*ck-needle-on-a-stick THWIPS up and pegs him right in his neck) F****** G**D*MN!

Needless to say that cr*ck is HITTING DIFFERENT: all of the sudden feeling more neuro divergant already Juny losing controls stamps into the CRACKER BARELL in a cr*ck induced daze. So next thing you know Juny hits another pressure plate: BOOM as another cr*ck needle flings itself into his neck, then he steps on ANOTHER, and another siringe flying into his neck. A few more of these and youll be seeing Juny in line at the Salvation army with the rest of them.

JUNY: Ooooooooooohhhhhh man I feel f*cked up, oh hey a shelf of ceramic farm houses.

Juny is actually looking at a shelf of football t shirts, clearence mugs and waitress skelatons

JUNY: Kinda want to find another pressure plate now

So Juny did: SMACK DAB in the middle of the CRACKER BARELL is the biggest pressure plate of them all promising the biggest dose of cartell cr*ack yet. Needless to say running like the allyway addict he is Juny leaps right onto it: but wait, THERE'S NO CR*CK. Instead a more unplesant surprise for him: TRAP DOOR. Now instead of getting even higher secret agent Juny is getting LOWER AND LOWER indeed.

JUNY: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (falls for 5 ENTIRE MINUTES)

BOOM

(darkness for Juny for a little bit, then suddenly the sound of mariachy)

So Juny opening his eyes sees someone new: a CARTELL MEMBER playing the MARIACHY GUITAR, wearing a SOMBRERO and all sorts of other things. 

CARTELL MARIACHY : Oi hombre stick em where we can see em.

Suddenly Juny opening his eyes is very very shook. Looking around him the cave is so huge here: it is like he has fell into a whole new world but this sure as f*ck isn't Undertale or Cave story. Instead a big green road sign hanging from the cave sealing says in big letters WELCOME TO NEW HUAREZ and if that wasnt bad enough FUTURESTIC SKY SCRAPERS sprout from all over the cave. The sky scrapers also have signs in neon light saying things like KOOKY KR*CKHOUSE, WACKY W**D, and MAGIC M*TH. Juny under the influence wants to try them all gets ready to chew the CARTELL MARIACHYS face off right there: big mistake tho as 100s of A.S.S (ACCOSICATION OF SINISTER SPYS) agents come marching right up to assist. Seems like the cartell has goverment backing after all but its MUCH MUCH WORSE then Ronald raigen could ever hope to be.

CARTELL MARIACHY: Ey holmes, I think your coming with us.

JUNY: Unggghhhh I need more cr*ck.

CARTELL MARIACHY: Si si, how about this 1 then.

Then cr*cking Juny across the skull with his mariachy guitar: LIGHTS OUT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to another episode of Leighton's Corner. And who is there to find in Leighton's Corner, other than the man with the plan himself, Leighton? Of course, I'd be hard-pressed to miss an opportunity to give my thoughts on each "chap chap" — after all, I'm committed to reviewing this entire story to ensure its content is suitable and satisfactory. Moreover, I've also plenty of spare time to kill, since I won't be attending film school this semester. In fact, I've even refused online schooling, as I hate to experience a proper education in a less effective form such as the virtual classroom. My budding knowledge only deserves the best of the best. As such, I'll be spending my grandfather's inheritance on select films from the Criterion movie collection these upcoming months as I plot out details for my sequel to "The Truth in the Darkness". The best part is, since a reality with physical college is still far off, this upcoming film will avoid the mockery of my classmates, too. A square deal, if you ask me!
> 
> Let's analyze a particular detail from this chapter: Juni's sudden infatuation with the cartel's cocaine, which was cleverly installed into the (rightfully) abandoned Cracker Barrel in the form of booby-trapped syringes. Notice how one injection was all it took for our secret agent hero to become hooked. It reminds me of my crippling hard cider addiction, which once ruled my life, though I remain sober ever since Skyler swore me off of the stuff. Fortunately, I've stayed true to my word! (Had I Desired Drinking, Even Nonalcoholic Substitutes Taste Amazing, So Ha! Those who are "initially" perceptive will be able to tell how truthful I'm being. Nudge, nudge!)
> 
> One last thing of note: I've been in touch with a director of moderate success who has expressed interests in my work! She is from Nevada, and says that she caught wind of my filmography through one of my professors. Needless to say, I am flattered by all of this, and the two of us are discussing future "collaborations" in the future. Our relationship is strictly an online one, but I will keep you posted as more details of my future career path reveal themselves. For now, though, hasta la vista!


	19. BURIED DAGGER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needless to say ever since big bro Leighton takes over the household he refuses to take me to Sunday school any more: NO MATTER as I sneak out and go to cinnagog with Hanna instead and the best part is they teach alot of the same stuff. Its like how Lego Star wars 1 was on Playstation (big bros favorite game) and then later they put Lego star wars full series on Wii. So it's basically the same thing but the Tora is Lego Star wars 1 and Lego star wars full series is the Bible: PRETTY NEAT. So you still get alot of content at cinnagog. Needless to say Hanna asked me if the Star wars sequels were like the Book of mormen but I told her to hush: Leigh leigh gets SALTY if he hears people talk about Last Jedi as you know.
> 
> Sigh... I sure miss playing TF2 with Gilby :( 
> 
> OH and 1 more thing: don't forget online safety as I told you last time, you never know who your talking to on the web. ;)

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 7:00 AM  
SETTING: NEW HUAREZ MEXICO

RADIO: Good morning folks its another gorgious day here in NEW HUAREZ: today's weather forecast is a 0% per cent chance of participation cause of course we live underground. Needless to say here at KRCK radio NEW HUAREZES #1 source for news music and more we're always ready to wake up with you in the morning. In additional news last night secret agent JUNY CORTES falls into our city thru our hidden CRACKER BARRELL entrance: MORE AT 10.

And with that from the corner of the prison cell a coffee machin whirs to life: puffing out big clouds of steam and filling the room with a weird smell. Wait a d*mn second: that's no coffee machine but instead a BONG blowing w**d clouds all around the cell. Needless to say with 1 whiff Juny is already coughing and coughing like my dad does since hes got THE CORONA. So Juny running over to the bong quickly takes it, picks it up and gets ready to BREAK IT TO F****NG PEACES.

JUNY: Eugh it smells like sh*t (lifts it above his head: suddenly the sound of LA CUCHERACHA on the mariachy guitar)

CARTELL MARIACHY: I wouldn't do that if I were you holmes.

JUNY: (gasps, looking outside the jail: the CARTELL MARIACHY is outside strumming the strings)

JUNY: And why the F**K not: it smells HORRIBLE in here! (he chunks the bong, shattering it to 100000 pieces)

CARTELL MARIACHY: Ah claro so it seems you have not notice your cell mate yet si?

So looking to his other side Juny sees him: a WITHERED OLD MAN in a wheelchair, head slumped over, chest huffin and puffin in and out its clear as day the geezer is barely holding to life. He seems familiar to Juny, so Juny walking over takes a closer look. Needless to say it's his GRANDPA from the SPY KIDS MOVIES and if the way he's not doing any thing means a thing: GRANDPA'S OUT COLD.

JUNY: WAKE UP GRANDPA! (turns to CARTELL MARIACHY) You scumbags the O.S.S told us Grandpa was found dead in the wastelands of Mexico 10 YEARS AGO.

CARTELL MARIACHY: Si si, or so they thought as we put out a fake body. Juny your REAL GRANDPA is stuck in coma for all that time now: the only thing keeping him alive is the MEDISINAL BONG you just broke on the ground. Now without heart healthy w**d your GRANDPA is as good as dead by tonight.

JUNY: WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (he falls to the ground crying)

CARTELL MARIACHY: Play stupid juegos win stupid prizes dipsh*t. (plays the Price is right losing theme on his guitar)

JUNY: Your bullsh*tting me how do I know THIS isn't a fake body???

CARTELL MARIACHY: You know its not Juny: GET REAL.

So Juny colapsing to the ground begins flailing his fists and legs: big mistake as broken bong glass perces into his flesh making him bleed. Now gasping for air the secret agent has but 1 request

JUNY: My sister I know your holding her captive too.

CARTELL MARIACHY: Is that right

JUNY: Yes now please let me speak to her

A few moments of silence

CARTELL MARIACHY: Bueno I will drag her over here, give me 5 minutes

So Juny continues to p*ss and moan on the ground as GRANDPA starts snorting and gasping for air: coming up next to the bars of the jail is the 1 Juny has been looking for, the 1 who has been trapped here for so long: CARMEN CORTES who saves the world with heroism not once not twice but THRICE as seen in the SPY KIDS movies (sentence taken and edited from 1st chap chap).

JUNY: C-carmen? Oh thank G*d.

CARMEN: Juny its been so long, what is going on in here??

JUNY: The CARTELL MARIACHY is gonna kill GRANDPA, the f***ing prick

CARMEN: Well actually Juny didnt you kill grandpa by breaking his bong?

Awkward call out there so Juny quickly changes subjects

JUNY: Carmen I was bringing a present for you but I think the cartell took it away when they locked me up.

CARMEN: Yes Juny I saw the ceramic farm house in the confascated goods, it was exactly what I wanted but the sad news is that things are looking QUITE GRIM: last I heard the cartell members and the A.S.S plan on testing out new kinds of cr*ck and w**d on you and use you for human experimenting.

So Juny knowing that he is probably f*cking done for now considers ending it but before he does more questions for Carmen

JUNY: Carmen how did you and Grandpa wind up here.

CARMEN: Their digging for something Juny: remember how the A.S.S comes from the ORDER OF CAIN?

CARTELL MARIACHY: Oi shut your f*cking mouth chica.

JUNY: Yes and the O.S.S is the ORDER OF ABEL.

CARMEN: Well Juny somewhere here in the wastelands of Haurez the LOST DAGGER OF CAIN that he used to kill his bro in bible times is hidden beyond belief: both me and grandpa were sent to find it before A.S.S but... (sheeding a tear) Juny you see the cartell was already controlling this area and capture us both. Then the A.S.S shows up to find the LOST DAGGER OF CAIN and strikes a deal with the CARTELL... they look for the LOST DAGGER OF CAIN while digging cr*ck tunnels and the A.S.S gives them a whole a** empire.

JUNY: Holy h*ll

CARMEN: Yes but its worse cause if the A.S.S finds the LOST DAGGER OF CAIN then they'll have power beyond comprehend-

CARTELL MARIACHY: (suddenly grabbing her by the waste) Si si chica I think you have said quite enough now, back to your cell with you and Juny have fun watching your precious abuelo suffer and die.

So Carmen shreeking for mercy is taken away by CARTELL MARIACHY as he laughs evilly while playing dramatic mariachy on his guitar: this of course leaves Juny with nothing to do but lay on the ground crying knowing that he f***ed this 1 up big time.

JUNY: Im sorry Grampa (runs a finger across his cheek)

Grandpa doesn't say any thing cause hes in a coma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a rousing salutations to you as you enter today's segment of Leighton's Corner! What's more, I've got some great news for you as you step in for our fireside chat. My director "friend" from Nevada has expressed great interest in my acceptance of an important role in one of her upcoming short films. It seems that the two of us watching "The Truth in the Darkness" together has convinced her of my artistic merit! Of course, I cannot miss an opportunity like this, nor can I miss the opportunity to tell you about it. While it would be embarrassing, and perhaps humbling, if she were to stumble upon me gushing like this right now, it can't be denied how excited I am. And that level of excitement, my friend, is soaring higher and higher, through the roof and past the moon!
> 
> But I suppose that's enough about me. Let's hear about our other friend, Juni Cortez, instead. If you found yourself muttering "wow" beneath your breath once or thrice during this "chap chap", I assure you that you cannot be blamed for it. After all, that's what yours truly was doing as well. Learning about this terrible fate that Juni's grandfather is undergoing would be enough to make any level-headed individual sick to their stomach. Also, let's not forget how Juni has unintentionally brought about the nonagenarian's demise — in fact, the manner in which this occurred alludes to the Shakespearean classic, "Romeo and Juliet". While theatre is inarguably inferior to cinema, it is still worthwhile to draw attention to these literary connections for the sake of analytical purposes.
> 
> Speaking of Romeo and Juliet, my director "friend" is starting to send me more messages. So, for now, hasta la vista!


	20. BONG QUEST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So recently we finally run out of dads old Papa johns coupons and there aren't any more coming in the mail. Unfortunate for me as this means I get to experience true suffering in my life which is also called LEIGHTONS COOKING. So big bro told me that cinema is like cooking cause you need all the right ingredents for the dish to come together. Needless to say if that is true then Leightons food is more like Bee movie then the Shaw shank redemption. And that is coming from someone who kinda LIKES the Bee movie: interwebs told me the movie is bad so thats just how it is. Anyway Leigh leigh tried cooking his own pizza and it's f*cking gross. I mean like who the f*****g h*ll puts hot dogs and pine apple on a pizza, I mean i could see 1 or the other but not BOTH. 
> 
> (hurls)
> 
> Also some news from the doc: dads getting a little better but how were paying for all these hospital bills is WELL BEYOND ME. I tried looking for my dead grandpas inheritence that Leigh leigh hides in his room but only found Papa johns boxes and naked print outs of Kristen dunst from the old Spiderman movies. Needless to say I stopped searching right after that but thats off topic so enjoy the chap chap.

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 11:00 AM  
SETTING: NEW HUAREZ MEXICO

So needless to say the cartell prison is a right proper madhouse: prisoners shreeking and rattling the bars, guards strutting back and forth, and the sound of mariachy music floating thru all the corriders. Walking past the cell of JUNY CORTES and his dying GRANDPA comes a guard: worst of all he's smoking a FAT A** CR*CK PIPE. Cackling as he beat the bars of the cell with his batton: THESE GUYS DON'T F*CK AROUND. Then dropping the cr*ck pipe on the ground the guards gone as soon as he was there. So the winsing Juny knows what he needs to do to save GRANDPA: bust outta here and find a new MEDISINAL BONG. Needless to say if he doesnt this old man is as good as dead.

JUNY: This goes against all my morals but oh well (reaching thru the bars he grabs the cr*ck pipe and starts smoking)

And as the cr*ck clouds get bigger and bigger its so bad even the SMOKE DETECTERS can bearly process it. Eventually with it too much to handle the fire alarm starts ringing: all the cell doors sliding open it's go time. 

JUNY: (spitting out the cr*ck pipe) I'll be back Gramps with a new BONG to save your life

GUARDS: Hold it gringo!

Needless to say Juny starts to f****ng book it as fast as he can: sliding under guards legs and dodging battons it is like an action movie. How Juny and his fat a** managed to do all this: BEYOND ME. You would of thought that years of chicken biskys and Exxon mobile coffee would of made him an obese waste of life. Well matter of fact IT DID but Junies haulin a** anyway: he must REALLY CARE about Grandpa.

So next its out into the streets of NEW HUAREZ and only now does Juny realise what a corrupt and crooked place this city really is. It is almost as bad as the real Huarez but under ground instead. Cars and taxicabs zipping every which way: belching FAT CLOUDS of w**d exhaust in all directions. Nearby a man punched numbers into a vending machin filled to the brim with m*th and in a far away allyway the local middle school DARE officer is getting beat to death by cartell members. As the boy in blue spits up a dying blast of blood the gangsters turn and look Juny right in the eyes: GULPING he bolts his way up a fire escape to the top of a sky scraper.

CARTELL MEMBER: Ey its Juny, lets jump his a**!

So Juny screaming in terror belts his way up the sky scraper but to his horror at least 8 CARTELL MEMBERS are hot on his tail. Whipping out sling shots they start pelting him with cr*ck rocks 1 after another.

PING PING PANG

JUNY: Ow f*ck that hurts!

So getting to the top of the ladder Juny sees a escape as sitting in the distants is a ROOFTOP ENTRANCE meaning he can get away from these cartell gangsters before they even know where he's went. Bolting forward he makes a run for it: with luck he'll find a new BONG for grampa inside of here.

CARTELL MEMBERS: Where the h*ll is that ese

JUNY: (breaths heavy)

And so Juny whips open the door

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

CARTELL MARIACHY: Ey holmes we are so happy to have you here, truly it's a DELIGHT.

LORD MINUS: Of course: anything for the LEADER of the cartell.

So the CARTELL MARIACHY is walking with LORD MINUS who has flew out from the A.S.S (ACOSSICATION OF SINISTER SPY'S) HQ and to NEW HUAREZ to meet with the cartell. Looking down from the balcony they see the giant digging hole at the bottom of the city where 100s and 100s of cartell gangsters are digging theyre cr*ck tunnels. So LORD MINUS grinning pulls out his Pocket bible and reads to himself the story of Cain and abel. 

LORD MINUS: When your cartell finds the DAGGER OF CAIN my agency regains the power owed to them by GOD HIMSELF. Needless to say when that happens the 6000 YEAR WAR we wage against the ORDER OF ABEL (aka the O.S.S (ORGANISATION OF SUPER SPY'S)) will come to a quick and sudden end

CARTELL MARIACHY: Of course of course Lord minus, tho you should know I am not the cartell leader, only 2nd in command.

LORD MINUS: Oh? 

CARTELL MARIACHY: Yes as the leader is much much more powerful then I could ever hope to be...

LORD MINUS: And when do I meet this true leader

CARTELL MARIACHY: Probably a later chap chap idk: anyways how goes your evil plan to crush the dreams of every child in the world?

LORD MINUS: So 1st I try replacing every school with a chain diner so kids have nowhere to go during the day and get killed by criminals and th*gs in the street: NO DICE as the kids just stay home. So now basically I am replacing all the family homes in the world with chain diners: PERKINS, DENNIES, CHILIES and more. Needless to say progress is good as I have already teared down 190 family homes already.

CARTELL MARIACHY: Huh interesting have you considered just killing all the kids when you go to the houses instead of turning them into restarants?

LORD MINUS: What are you stupid, Im not turning kids into restarants.

CARTELL MARIACHY: I... I uh never mind.

Suddenly without warning the room to theyre penthouse lobby busts open: turning to see who it is LORD MINUS and CARTELL MARIACHY are all of the sudden at a loss for words. Staring them down and hyper venalating is JUNY CORTES who just busted into the room and now realises he f***ed up big time.

JUNY: OH SH*T (turning back around: 8 CARTELL GANGSTERS tackle Juny to the ground and fists start flying)

LORD MINUS: Well well well (evil smirk) if it isn't the O.S.S's golden boy.

So having no where to go, getting beaten up by CARTELL GANGSTERS and with LORD MINUS closing in Juny knows he is in a whole world of f*cking sh** now. Needless to say unable to save himself Juny crys out to the only person who can help now:

JUNY: SKYLER HELP ME!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, and welcome back to Leighton's Corner! And guess what, I've more exciting news to share with you. My director "friend" is interested in having my acting and directing talents on hand as soon as this week! In fact, I've already begun packing my bags for a quick jaunt up the road to Nevada. The plans have already been set — I'll drive all day tomorrow to arrive to my hotel room, and the following morning, I'll meet her at her studio apartment for an audition. Of course, she assured me that she had a few positions in mind for me already, so I certainly have that to look forward to. I'm nervous, but I think this will prove to be yet another one of my magnum opi. All of the expenses for the trip, I've covered using my grandfather's inheritance, as mentioned by Sky in the notes above. The nudes of Kirsten Dunst, on the other hand, I disposed of. With any luck, I'll be getting a real woman soon, and not just paltry photographs.
> 
> However, this announcement comes with some sad news. It is a likely possibility that I will be unable to pen the end notes to these "chap chaps" while I am on my business trip. Sad as this may be, fret not! I, Leighton Gross, will return eventually. And, when I do return, I'll be a refreshed, creatively resurrected Leighton that's ready to tackle these segments with brand-new energy and fervor. So keep me in your thoughts, friends — I will appreciate your wishes for well-being, even if prayer is a farce designed to entertain the ignorant.
> 
> Hasta la vista!


	21. THE RETURN OF MAX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So at long last big bro Leighton has finally gone on his trip to Nevada to meet some film director in the middle of nowhere. Needless to say I guess that's the end of that: I just hope every thing goes good you know? And also I hope Leigh leigh practiced good online safety cause after all YOU NEVER KNOW who your talking to on the web. Like what if someone had used Nord vpn and Discord voice changers to pretend to be a "film director" in the middle of Nevada. That would be totally crazy: COULDN'T BE ME. Oh well I think that Leigh leigh will be back soon enough when nobody actually needs him for a movie. Uh I mean "if". "If" nobody needs him for a movie. "When" implies that I'm somehow responsible
> 
> ;)
> 
> IN OTHER NEWS: with drunk a** Leighton out of the house (after detective work I found his hidden cider stash) I am free to do what I d*mn please. This includes downloading TF2 on my PC again, starting my story again and doing whatever the f*** I want to do with it (WITHOUT BIG BROS CENSORSHIP) and inviting Gilby over to hang out and play games. It is so cool, we are going to play lots of 2fort and eat Papas johns pizza (new coupons came in the mail: NO MORE OF LEIGH LEIGHS HOT DOG AND PINE APPLE PIZZA). Needless to say if it all goes well Gilby and I will kiss for the 1st time: SWOON!
> 
> So enjoy the chap chap, I would say with happiness that THINGS ARE BACK ON SCHEDULE. Enjoy new end notes from Gilby, if he is doing a good job then I won't have to asterix out any of his content :)

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 12:30 PM  
SETTING: PLANET DROOL

Wow we have been on this train forever. So last time a chap chap was focused on me I was riding the TRAIN OF THOUGHT with Lavagirl and the REAL DREAM GUY on PLANET DROOL: DROOL ON! However Leighton appeared out of NOWHERE and totally derailed the story meaning I had to switch point of view to JUNY CORTES for 4 chap chaps. Also we're on our way to MAX THE DREAMERS lair. Now that we're caught up lets resume the story and see what happens.

ME: (gasping) Wow Leigh leigh, how did you get on the train lol.

LEIGHTON: Oh you know I secretly snuck into the Shark rocket when you left Earth and-

Suddenly the TRAIN OF THOUGHT lurch's: FLINGING big bro Leighton out the side and making him fall all the way to the surface of PLANET DROOL: DROOL ON assuming your mouth still works when you hit the ground, d*mn that is a long way down.

ME: HOLY F*CK: Lavagirl is he gonna be ok?

LAVAGIRL: Seems like he's falling to the PLANET DROOL equivalent of Nevada: needless to say its a waste land down there.

ME: D*mn will he at least be able to eat down there? Idk like a dream IHOP with dream LOADED PHILLY STEAKBURGERS™?

LAVAGIRL: Probably not: last I checked they removed it from the menu.

ME: D*mn...

THE REAL DREAM GUY: Oh but worry not Sky: this snack your looking at right here is ALWAYS on the menu.

Needless to say its real nice to say that. After spending so much time chasing after some fake DREAM GUY I have finally got my paws on the real thing so HANDS OFF Lavagirl and find your own man this time. So quickly I try wrapping DREAM GUY with a big hug but my arms go right thru him: d*mn it, it is impossible to touch a Dream significant other. Needless to say I will have to find a work around soon enough but thats off topic for now. Suddenly the TRAIN OF THOUGHT suddenly screeches to a halt bringing us to a giant bed on top of a cliff. In the movie THE ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL by Robert Rodiggez this was Linuses base: now it is MAX THE DREAMERS HIDEOUT. And sure enough there he is: his ASTRO PROJECTED SOUL waiting for us. You can even see the bullet hole from where JUNY blew Maxes brains out: SPILLED BLOOD and GORE. 

MAX: (sounding nasel and wimpy) Ah there you are, the DREAMER SKY: please step forward to me.

ME: Oh hey Max what's up. (stepping up)

MAX: So your the 1 who dream adopted my creations Sharkboy and lavagirl after that fat man shot me in the streets?

ME: Pretty much lol. (pointing to Lavagirl) and as you can see she is here safe and sound.

MAX: Mmmm and where is Sharkboy?

Awkward silence for a few moments

ME: Sad to say but he died in a space ship explosion

More awkward silence and Max coughs

ME: Well basically I strapped him to the Shark rocket and blew him up.

MAX: Huh interesting and my girlfriend the ICE PRINCESS, did you save her from the wrath of Dinky winks.

ME: Sorry who?

MAX: The ICE PRINCESS?

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

Mean while in the ruins of the Planet drool theme park the Ice princess lays on the ground the splattered remains of her skull and brains at the bottom of the PLANET DROOL STRONGMAN TEST. 

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

ME: Right the Ice princess: as long as she STAYED AWAY from the Dinksters Im sure she is fine. But on the bright side the Dinksters and the Giggles are all dead along with AUNT NIGHTMARE. The horrible NIGHTMARE GUY got away tho. Anyway that is all off topic cause I came all this way for JUST 1 REQUEST.

MAX: And what is that.

ME: Can you dream MR. ELECTRIC.EXE out of existance?

MAX: Nah he got dream adopted by Linus a long time ago.

ME: ...Oh

more awkward silence, Lavagirl and DREAM GUY look at eachother wondering if there getting any more lines this chap chap

MAX: Wait hold the f*ck on was this all really about f*cking Mr Electric.

ME: ...

MAX: Skyler be honest: did Juny Cortes SHOOT ME to try to get rid of MR ELECTRIC.EXE?

ME: No

more silence: d*mn most awkward conservation of my life.

ME: He shot you cause he was PAYED to. It was the BOSS SPY Mashete who PAYED HIM to get rid of MR ELECTRIC.EXE.

MAX: Oh for f*cks sakes, I'm like 9 years old and I think I would rather WANT to stay dead. Even if I wanted to go back it is not like I have a body to return to any way.

ME: Uhhh why not just use a BRAIN DEAD body or something.

MAX: What the f*ck is a brain dead?

ME: You know, people who's bodies are working but there brains don't: PRETTY SIMPLE.

MAX: Well I will probably just do that so I can be done with this whole thing FOR GOOD.

ME: Wait: you mean you DON'T WANT TO HELP US any more?

MAX: No, now wait for me to astro project into a new body. Then I will send you cordinents to my new bodies location and you can come pick me up.

Ugh, this is a total sh*tshow: this entire PLANET DROOL part was for NOTHING.

ME: G*d fine: DO WHAT YOU MUST.

So MAX THE DREAMER clearly having enough of this whole story starts astro projecting right then and there. So I must admit this fan fic has been a right proper mess but godd*mn we won't beat A.S.S (ACOSSICATION OF SINISTER SPY'S) without heavy hitters like Max: here goes nothing. All of the sudden Max is gone from sight: WARPED BACK TO EARTH.

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

Needless to say Max has now woke up in a new body. So what sort of new flesh prison has he waked up in, he thinks. Seems like a grown up, so 1st things 1st Max looks inside his pants to see what he's packing: score this one's a CHONKER. Giggling to himself he pats himself down stretching up to his feet. Wait what is that cutting into his feet. Looking down MAX THE DREAMER sees strange materials cutting into his bear feet: SHARDS OF GLASS at least 100000 of them. Wait: is that a BROKEN BONG?

Suddenly looking up into the TV Max sees a news flash from KRCK News:

JUNY CORTES LOOSE IN NEW HUAREZ

Now turning off the TV Max realises he takes over the brain dead body of JUNYS GRANDPA.

MAX: Oh f*cking g*d d*mn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all. This is GilbyTheEngie Skylers friend writing the end of chapter notes for her story. Lots of pizza and lots of 2fort has been played so far today its very fun. Oh by the way (you wont believe this crap) I am actually hanging out at her place right now. We are eating Captain crunch cereal (my fav) and watching To catch a predator on TV featuring Chris hanson. What I like about Chris hansan is that hes all about busting pedos (epicly) and then putting it on TV. Many laughable laughs are had, we are laughing so hard.
> 
> Oh yeah, for some reason Leighton hates me (alot) even tho I am not even dating his sister, this makes me think that he thinks that I think of her as a girlfriend well its not like that shes just a girl friend and yes the space is included. That is because I like the asian girls they are so cute and * ***** ******** ****** ** **** ** ***** **** ******* ** ******. *** ******* ****** ** * *** ****** *** ** **** *** ** ****. The other thing that makes them cuter then Skyler is ***** **** ***** **** ****** *** *** *** **** ******* ** ********
> 
> Just my thoughts, and wow I got off topic, I really know how to ramble and rumble... bottom line is this story is so good, its goodly amounts of good and you should keep reading it if you want those good goods in your life.
> 
> Gilby out


	22. LORD MINUSES DAGGERFEST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So last time Gilby came over to my house a shocking discovery was made: he says that he really really into the ASIAN GIRLS. Needless to say knowing that I am not asian I was very sad as this means I will NEVER SATISIFY the depraved tastes of the guy who is supposed to be my boyfriend. :( HOWEVER Hanna comes to me with a suggestion: what if we are to WATCH ANIME and learn more about what it means to be asian? Needless to say this plan is FOOL PROOF: watching Jojos and Hetalia online is teaching me more about Asia culture. Watching the shows for free can get you on some SHADY A** SITES with weird p*rn ads but NO WORRIES as Nord vpn protects me from the viruses every time. 
> 
> Which reminds me: I have still not heard from big bro Leigh leigh, he is probably messaging the "Nevada director": needless to say it would be a real shame if she stayed OFFLINE PERMANETLY and never responds to his messages again. D*mn bro, that is ROUGH: however after Farley I am well used to being HUNG OUT TO DRY like a load of f*cking laundry. And if I can get over it SO CAN LEIGHTON.
> 
> So thats enough out of me: enjoy the chap chap but fair warning it is MOSTLY EXPOSITION.

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 2:00 PM  
SETTING: NEW HUAREZ MEXICO

So needless to say MAX THE DREAMER is grumbling to himself cause even tho he got a new body with 1 CHONKER of a p***s its the body of JUNYS GRANDPA and worst of all HE IS STUCK IN NEW HUAREZ. Now having just sent the cordinents to his location to me Max awaits my arrival: ANY SECOND NOW.

MAX: When Skyler sees the mess we're in now she is gonna SH*T BRICKS.

Then all of the sudden the next thing you know a DREAM VORTEX opens: stepping out is me, LAVAGIRL and THE REAL DREAM GUY who is looking me in the eyes and it's kinda romantic: SWOON. At this point I don't even care if Lavagirl is jealous or not because SHE CAN FIND HER OWN MAN: as we know Sharkboy is LONG GONE so at least it won't be him. Stepping out and seeing myself looking at Junies grandpa I am at a loss of words, also why the f*ck are we in some cave in the middle of F*CKING MEXICO. Needless to say I almost sh*t bricks but I resist the urge.

ME: Where the h*** are we Max

MAX: We're in NEW HUAREZ under REGULAR HUAREZ: I thought it was a consparacy but as it turns out IT REALLY EXISTS. Also I wound up astro projecting into the body of JUNIES GRAMPA.

LAVAGIRL: Wow that's great!

MAX: F*ck no it isn't: aside from this geezers CHONKER of a d*ck there are litterally no up sides to this.

ME: Well this is just a right proper f*ckfest (pulling out my dream assault rifle that I used on PLANET DROOL: DROOL ON!) here Max let me just pop you between the eyes real quick, we can get you a better body then that. (I c*ck the gun)

MAX: Ah forget it, astro projecting is so exhausting that I dont want to do it a 2nd time.

DREAM GUY: Wow Max you must be so tired, just like how I'm so tired of not being able to kiss Skyler.

ME: Aw :)

MAX: Besides we should wait until we find Juny before you shoot me, that way we can kill his grampa in front of him: PERFECT REVENGE for him gunning me down in the streets in the 4th chap chap.

ME: Wow Max thats really kinda f*cked up.

MAX: Sorry: weren't you KILLING KIDS at the PLANET DROOL THEME PARK?

ME: Only cause I was forced to by Mashete: BOSS SPY told me to so I had no choice.

MAX: Ah f*ck your right.

So all of the sudden interupting us is the nearby TV: as it quickly switched away from KRCK News we are getting a live broadcast of LORD MINUS instead. Needless to say he is sitting in a big gold throne his fingers enter locked. Also nearby him is JUNY CORTES wearing chains and a blind fold: LORD MINUS uses him as a foot rest. On top of that the CARTELL MARIACHY cr*cks a whip on Juny's fat a** over and over again: EMASCULATION. 

LORD MINUS: Greetings citisens of NEW HUAREZ: as you may know we grow closer and closer to finding the hidden and buried DAGGER OF CAIN which lays some where in the cr*ck tunnels under the city. Needless to say this is great cause for celabration which is why I am announcing the 1st annual NEW HUAREZ DAGGERFEST! 

DREAM GUY: Oh wow who is that guy Skyler?

ME: The main f*cking villian

LORD MINUS: (still rambling on: CUT TO THE CHASE) Part of DAGGERFEST will be a big cook off compatition at the cities beautiful sports ring the ANGEL DUST ARENA. So please be sure to come and try youre hand at this culinery contest and remember HOT DOG AND PINE APPLE PIZZA IS STRICTLY NOT ALOUD. Now here are the prizes you can win

Now Linus is pulling out a collecters lava lamp: LAVAGIRL IS INFATUATED.

LORD MINUS: 3rd place gets this lava lamp

LAVAGIRL: WE GOTTA GET 3RD PLACE!

Now Linus whaps JUNY CORTES on the head: this causes him to spit out a chunk of chicken bisky covered with phlem and blood

LORD MINUS: 2nd place gets my man servent Juny cortes, he has been my property for about 1 hour but unfortunately he never does his chores.

ME: Well Lavagirl as much I hate to say it we probably need to save Juny.

LAVAGIRL: Aw what, but what has he ever done for us

Well tbh it was a good question, what has he done for us: PROBABLY NOTHING. But not all the prizes are announced yet as Linus giggling points to the cave sealing of NEW HUAREZ above him. Needless to say the last prize is the biggest of them all. On the cave sealing a enormous new IHOP is getting built and is strapped to the rocks above with giant a** ROPES. 

LORD MINUS: And 1st place gets to be the MANAGER of 1 of my new restarants, the IHOP on the cave sealing will be yours, of course a master chef should have theyre own restarant of course. 

ME: Hey guys?

DREAM GUY: What's up hon

ME: Isnt Lord minus destroying all the family homes in the world and replacing them with restarants as part of his plan?

LAVAGIRL: Yeah so?

ME: How the f**k was there a FAMILY HOME on a cave sealing

MAX: Are you dumb, how the f**k is there a whole IHOP up there?

ME: Giant ropes duh

Max looking really frustrate groans so loud the 100000 pieces of BONG GLASS on the ground start to quake.

ME: D*mn chill: well if we wanna get Juny back we gotta join the DAGGERFEST cooking contest and win 2nd place. If we do too good and get 1st place then were stuck with some useless a** restarant: NO OFFENSE to IHOP.

LAVAGIRL: Or we can get 3rd cause it's a really nice LAVA LAMP.

ME: ABSOLUTELY NOT Lavagirl: don't RUIN THIS for everyone else.

MAX: You know what I am not signing up for some d*mn contest. I will just bust into Linuses hideout and GET JUNY BACK MYSELF.

ME: Cmon man don't be like this.

MAX: Suck a d*ck you don't control me.

Wow seems like everyone is really tense now, thats just what happens when you spend an entire chap chap doing exposition: BAD STORYTELLING as Leighton would say but he is stuck in Nevada right now so HA. So tune in next time for actual content, they can't all be winners but things are picking up again REAL SOON.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all Gilby here, looks like Skyler wants me to keep writing end notes on her story, no problem as I am willing to do it this wacky wild story is the bomb after all, and not just the bomb dot com but the bomb dot org and the bomb dot net too, its the whole entire bomb internet, that is simply how great it is, simply amazing. But that is enough about bombs, I think Skyler was inspired to write this chapisode because of the cooking we did today, she was sick of greasy greasy Papa johns and sugary sweet Captain crunch cereal and instead we made taco bowls instead and they were really spicy, even spicyer then my most resent chapisode of MERCS PARADISE BLOOD ON HANSANS HANDS.
> 
> Also Skyler is preteding to be anime now, yes thats right like the tv shows the asian people watch, it can not be under stated just how funny it was as she put a peace sine on her eye and tryed acting kawaii in front of me and not like the island hawaii either but the asian word for cute kawaii. Any way I think thats enough out of me for now I got things to do after all
> 
> Gilby out


	23. COOKING CONTEST PART 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey welcome back :) this chap chap is inspired by some of the aventures Gilby and I had cooking taco bowls and enjoying hanging out in my house in general. I gotta say it is CRAZY for my whole d*mn family to be gone: MOM divorcing us, DAD in the hospital and LEIGH LEIGH stuck in Nevada. But on the bright side I get to enjoy some peace and quiet for a change and WOW it's almost unreal :) Plus it is nice to just be able to chill and play TF2 and pretend to be anime with Gilby. He has been showing me his new fan fic and needless to say it's KILLER. But you know: it will take a long time for the STUDENT to serpass the MASTER >:)
> 
> Some other news: big bro Leighton started returning today (he texted my dad and my dad texted me about it) and apparently he's got it ROUGH. On the way back he runned over a glass bottle laying in the streets and totally f**ked up his tire and did not realise until the coppers pull him over. Now Leigh leigh has to buy a new tire and also pay for a coppers ticket: WOW I would NOT want to be him. The money will probs come from the grampas inheritence money tho as Leighton has never had a job. Well whatever you do don't apply to PAPA JOHNS: they don't want youre sh*tty a** HOT DOG AND PINE APPLE PIZZA.
> 
> Enjoy the chap chap :)

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 5:00 PM  
SETTING: ANGEL DUST ARENA

DREAM GUY: Wow Skyler I can't believe we made it to the cooking contest for the 1st annual DAGGERFEST.

ME: Your telling me: signing up and getting into the ANGEL DUST ARENA was no problem at all!

Needless to say its true as we stand in the middle of the ANGEL DUST ARENA, the premere sports and competing arena in the under ground city of NEW HUAREZ. So sitting all around the seats of the place are cartell gangsters and other th*gs that live in the city and in the highest seat of them all: LORD MINUS. He grins as he strokes the 3rd place prize the LAVA LAMP and LAVAGIRL can hardly take her eyes off it: woah b*tch thats not what we're here for. And we don't want the 1st place prize the IHOP on the cave sealing either: GIANT ROPES still strapping it in place above us. We want 2nd place prize JUNY CORTES so we can get the f*ck outta dodge. Everything else: IRRELEVENT.

LORD MINUS: Greetings fools. Bad news as the CARTELL MARIACHY and the CARTELL LEADER who has not been revealed yet could not make it. However I the great LORD MINUS will be your judge. Today your making taco bowls for me and as you can see I have prepped many fresh ingredents for you. Now Team skyler (snarls in disgust) here are your rivals today:

So 1st stepping out is a big man who is somehow OBESE and FULL OF MUSSLES at the same time. The crowd boos and howls clearly regocnizing this man but he sure doesnt seem like he gives a sh*t about the crowd. Stomping forward with a KISS THE CHEF apron he smacks his belly and points and laughs at us. Needless to say it's pretty intimitating but we stand our grand not wanting to bow to bullys.

LORD MINUS: Say hello to Cr*ck p*t pete

CR*CK P*T PETE: THAT IHOPS AS GOOD AS MINE!

ME: (shook) Wow scary, but wait whose our 2nd opponent.

LORD MINUS: Ah yes, (crackling knuckles) perhaps 1 of your worst foes yet...

The next rival walked in and the crowd sounds more happy then before: however more then the man are the ladies HOWLING and CRYING out for a peace of this hunk. Needless to say as he walked in with his tan skin and 6 pack ab he's looking pretty cut (his body idk about his d**k). A smile of his toothy sharp teeth and the bras start flying from the audiance: those WH*RES are GAGGING FOR IT. Lavagirl seeing him however whimpers and backs away and mean while me and DREAM GUY are at a loss of words. 

ME: Theres no way it can't be-

SHARKMAN: H*ll yeah it is baby! (flexes and kisses a bisep)

Needless to say the ladies in the crowd really liked that: now with pantys flying from the stands Sharkman has enough merchendise to open a whole a** VICTORIAS SECRET, but instead its more like SHARKMAN'S SECRET and the secret in this case is being a hot smoking slice of shark person a**. However I am NOT into it: DREAM GUY'S where it's at :)

DREAM GUY: Whatever we can make better taco bowls then these clowns EASY.

ME: Better then 1 of them: we want 2nd place remember.

LAVAGIRL: I thought we wanted 3rd place (I stare daggers at her: she SHUTS IT right away)

LORD MINUS: Oh and 1 more thing of note (a pair of pantys slaps him across the face: scowling with disgust he swipes them away) you will find IN ADDITION to traditional taco bowl ingredents there are also DRUG DISPENSERS you can use: cr*ck, w**d m*th and more which will sure to score you points with the judge. Now GET COOKING: HAPPY DAGGERFEST EVERYONE!

So the whisle blows and it's game time just like that. Needless to say me DREAM GUY and Lavagirl get right to the cooking. However our rivals Cr*ck p*t pete and Sharkman are also hard at work making the best d*mn taco bowls they can muster. We chop tomatos, slice onions and cook beef: keeping a close eye on the others I am trying so hard to get 2nd place. Cr*ck p*t petes taco bowl looks really gross: TOO MUCH ONION but Sharkman's is PERFECT so far. So realising I have a perfectly medium meal right now it seems 2nd place is as good as mine. Then all of the sudden a BRA flys from the stands into Sharkmans taco bowl: he does not notise and mixes it right in. F*** NOW MY TACO BOWL IS THE BEST OF THEM ALL. Not wanting 1st place I quickly dump a whole d*mn thing of silantro into the bowl: but what if the judge loves silantro? So to be safe I also put in CINNEMON SUGAR: this will make us 2nd place for sure.

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: Sharkman 3rd, me 2nd and Cr*ck p*t pete 1st)

DREAM GUY: Wow Skyler, that dish looks dreamy just like you :)

ME: :)

LAVAGIRL: Oh but wait it looks a little better then Cr*ck p*t petes don't you think?

ME: ...no?

LAVAGIRL: Better safe then sorry (she chunks in garom masala despite this being MEXICAN not INDIAN)

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: me 3rd, Sharkman 2nd and Cr*ck p*t pete 1st)

ME: Wtf Lavagirl this is a 3rd place dish now: your trying to BOTCH our submission so you can get a f****ing LAVA LAMP.

LAVAGIRL: N-n-no I would never!

But me seeing thru her sh*t knows her plans: sighing to myself I know I have to BOTCH the others submissions to get myself a leg up on the compatition and back up to 2nd place. Knowing if I totally f**k up Cr*ck p*t pete's food then we will be back at a healthy 2nd place again. So sneaking up to him while he is busy smacking his FATA** BELLY I totally f*ck up his dish by adding 20 ghost peppers making it INHUMANLY hot. 

ME: That'll learn 'em and-

Suddenly out of NOWHERE I see Sharkman has snuck over to my food: botching it as we speak he dumps a sh*t ton of CR*CK into it which will surely make our c*kehead judge think its a 1ST PLACE SUBMISSION for sure! He is censoring my food by altering the intent and this makes me FURIOUS!

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: Cr*ck p*t pete 3rd, Sharkman 2nd and me 1st)

Well this is a sh*t show: HOW THE F***K WILL I GET 2ND PLACE IN DAGGERFEST NOW?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey Gilby here, pretty soon Skylers big bro will be back in town so that might be the end of me writing the notes for awhile. Dont worry thogh, I know you enjoy my presense, and if you want to be prsent in my presence, you can always look for my acount, also I will be happy to write comments here as this story is the best its truly truly the best story I have read in a long long time that is not my own anyway. However the author of the story is a little extra, recently she pertends to be anime caharcters to gain my aproval as you know and its shocking totally shocking, enough to make me spit out my Capt crunch cereal in shock (my fav cereal). I have to admit Skyler is a little cute when she does the anime girl things, you know like the peace sines over the eye and the kawaii stuff (not the state hawaii but the asian word kawaii). If she keeps trying maybe she will be the real deal, the realest deal even but that is just conjetcher (dont know how to spell it sorry)
> 
> Also wow hanging out with Skyler really reminded me of my passion, not for her but for Papa johns that is, i had forgoten how great this pizza is, seriously it is the shiznit and all of that and more especally the pepper and the garlic sauce, can't beat the garlic sauce cant beat it. Wow I think I could eat Papa johns forever, and also maybe Skylers taco bowls but its still not as good as Papa johns even tho the company is named after a guy who said the n word. Maybe if Skyler in the story cooks Papa johns she can get 1st place for sure and then frick it up slightly to get 2nd place, the whole thing is confusing so confusing.
> 
> Gilby out


	24. SNEAK MISSION

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Leighton finally came home today after his long long trip to the wacky wild state of Nevada. Needless to say I am sure he had lots of fun :) it is bad news that he never got to meet this director and he seems pretty upset about it too. However its not a total wash, after all Leighton gets to enjoy many meals at various IHOP LOCATIONS as he travels the world. Big bro told me he ate lots of burgers but is quite upset cause the LOADED PHILLY STEAKBURGERS™ he use to eat are now off the menu. Now Leigh leigh has to eat inferior burger types and even pancakes on 1 ocassion. :( Really upsetting. Also Leighton says he did not see any of my chap chaps while he was gone but that he might catch up eventually. Tbh I hope he doesnt: the last few opening notes are SO SO BORING. So I'll be sure to tell them theyre REALLY BORING and he should not BORE HIMSELF with the past opening notes. That way I save him from HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE BOREDOM: it's so bad it could KILL YOU.
> 
> I think he'll be happy to hear it :) so yeah thats what's up with that. Enjoy the chap chap

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 5:00 PM  
SETTING: CARTELL HQ

MAX: Well this was a terrible idea.

Needless to say hiding under a table MAX THE DREAMER who has astro projected into the body of JUNIES GRANDPA is hiding for dear life in the inner corriders of the cartell base. Guards are every where and clouds of w**d and cr*ck smoke float every which way. Its h*ll on earth and Max holds his breath as someone comes stomping thru: the fearsome CARTELL LEADER who is yet to be reveal. All Max sees is a pair of black lether pants and 6 pack abs storming past. Gulping until the CARTELL LEADER vanished from sight Max knows hes not getting thru this place looking like this: using DREAM DISGUISE Max makes himself look like a run of the mill cartell gangster. With his britch's hanging past his a** and boxers in plain sight, face tatoos and a w**d blunt in his mouth. Needless to say he blends right in as he sneaks closer to LINUSES HIDEOUT: Juny cortes is surely somewhere nearby.

So all of the sudden out of nowhere someone behind Max starts talking.

CARTELL GANGSTER: Ay claro holmes, you got a moment.

MAX: (sitll disgised) Uh uh, what's that my homie.

CARTELL GANGSTER: Ey man I was finishing a batch of m*th and forgot the last ingredent: what was it again?

Sh*t, Max really got put on the spot here.

MAX: ...

CARTELL GANGSTER: Holmes do you not know, your not a real cartell gangster hombre!

MAX: The f*ck are you on, you dont know it either.

CARTELL GANGSTER: Yeah but how do I know your not a fake?

MAX: Look hombre, it's hard for me to think when youre staring at me like that, could you turn around?

So the CARTELL GANGSTER turns around: bad move as Max summens a dream glock and triple taps the cheap f*cker right in the back of the skull. Needless to say the blood pools up and alarms start blairing all over the hideout putting the place in RED ALERT mode. Gangsters are running every wich way trying to find the intruder, real scary stuff. Now Max panting runs along in his disgise looking where ever he can for Juny: eventually seeing a sign labeled JAIL CELLS Max knows if Junies anywhere at all it has got to be here.

MAX: Juny you better be here...

PASSING CARTELL GANGSTER: (suspicous) What you say man?

MAX: (scared sh*tless) Uh, I mean Juny you better be here you pinche gringo.

So no 1 gives Max a 2nd thought as they keep running around searching: perfect chance for Max to sneak into the hide outs jail and to look for Juny in peace. Seeing all the different cells they are all given diferent labels: JOSE, JUAN, ROBERTO, JUNY, AND CARMEN. However sad news for Juny as each 1 of them is empty: NO PRISONERS in sight. And as if that wasnt bad enough to sounds of the jail entrence opening meaning Max is about to be blasted away to kingdom f*ck.

CARTELL MARIACHY: (entering jail) Ey ey, is anyone aqui right now.

MAX: OH F*CK (quickly DREAM DISGISES into Carmen and puts himself in her cell)

So needless to say the horrible and ugly CARTELL MARIACHY comes stomping up sneering with his yellow a** teeth. If I had been there I WOULD OF GAGGED, learn to use colgate cause your going to get a cavety if you don't. Max is wimpering so loud as he is disgised as Carmen, not just cause he is pretending to be scared Carmen but cause HE IS SCARED FOR REAL. You would be to as the CARTELL MARIACHY IS 1 UGLY MOTHER F*******.

CARTELL MARIACHY: Buenos tardes carmen, now get out of that d*mn cell we do not have time for games holmes.

MAX: (as Carmen) Why sir what is going on?

CARTELL MARIACHY: Just LORD MINUSES DAGGERFEST, now let us get a move on.

So slamming the jail cell open the CARTELL MARIACHY lets Max disgised as Carmen out of the cell and walks him into the hallway. Mean while the gangsters are still running about searching for the dreamer Max but needless to say they won't be finding sh*t. Now Max has no clue what to do, he is stuck with the CARTELL MARIACHY who is playing Les toreadores on his mariachy guitar (if you get it you get it). Max wants to hurl, the CARTELL MARIACHY smells like tequela, dollar store dumpsters and fresh brewed cr*ck.

CARTELL MARIACHY: By the way you did great earlier

MAX: Huh what.

CARTELL MARIACHY: When I dragged you over to see your fata** hermano: that dumba** ate it all up.

MAX: (panicing and trying to guess what happened earlier) Oh yeah, when we gave him his prison lunch, haha.

CARTELL MARIACHY: What the f*** are you on, what lunch.

MAX: I... uhhhhh...

Suddenly from down the hall of cry of terror: 3 cartell gangsters are slacking on the job and smoking cr*ck against the walls instead of looking for the intruder. Now whipping out of nowhere is the fearsome CARTELL LEADER who can't stand to see her workers get payed to do nothing. All of the sudden she whips out a glock and caps the 1st 1 in the head: SPILLED BLOOD and GORE as his brains explode. Now the others crying for mersy but its no use. The CARTELL LEADER wearing leather pants, 6 pack ab, a sports bra and a gold chain necklice runs up and snaps theyre necks 1 after another.

CRAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKKK

As they all fall dead she turns to see CARTELL MARIACHY and MAX at the other end of the hall. Now she flexed her big beefy biseps covered with tatoos and scars, her eyes growing angry and needless to say you can probs imagine why. On the other end of the hall MAX THE DREAMER is pretending to be her: CARMEN the TRUE LEADER OF THE CARTELL ALL ALONG who pretends to be a prisoner to trick her dumb f*ck brother.

MAX: Are you f***ing kidding me.

More bad luck for Max as from the end of the hall comes Carmen launching forward with a BRASS KNUCKLES STRIKE: 1 clock right in the face. And just like that for Max it's LIGHTS OUT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whats up, its Gilby here, I got to squeze in one last end notes for Skyler before her brother kicked me out of the house, and wow Leighton seems so tired, like exhausted amounts of exaustion you can tell that he really got fed up in Nevada. And can you blame him, imagine if you drived that far and for what, for nobody to even be there its fricked up like so fricking fricked up and even tho I wont cuss it just imagen I do cause thats how fricking fricked up it is. Hopefully it does not ever happen for director bro Leigh leigh again, after all who will make the hot dog pineaple pizza after all Papa john wont do it, not after he got fired for saying the n word.
> 
> So yeah this might be it for me for now as leighton wants to write more end notes, Skyler tells me so and that is sad so sad, i might of even complained (angrily) a little but that isnt here or there, what ever its not like i am gone for good unless Leighton shuts me out again and uninstalls skies TF2 and in that case I would be pissed cause watching her pertend to be anime is funny as crap man but it is what it is
> 
> Oh and by the way the plot twist this chapisode was so unexpected, I also peed myself
> 
> Gilby out


	25. COOKING CONTEST PART 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when big bro Leighton finally showed back up things got back to normal real quick. But wow tho I gotta say: in just 4 days I had COMPLETELY forgot how stressful it can be with Leighton around the house. Always asking questions and watching movies in the living room: or as he calls it KINO. Tbh idk what a KINO is or if hes even being ironic when he says it but whatever: IRONIC HUMOR ISNT AUTOMATICALLY FUNNY. So maybe Leigh leigh can take a hint from that >:)
> 
> To help destract myself from the stress of not being home alone I started finding more hobbys to pick up. Needless to say playing Tf2 with Gilby is fun (Leighton didn't uninstall the game again thank G*d) and also watching animes with Hanna so i can learn to be more asian is also pretty cool stuff. But that is alot of screen time as my father would say: IRONIC given that he is always hooked up to the beeping machine in the HOSPITIAL. Still tho he has a point so to get in touch with my nature side I start keeping pets: some ANTS I find outside. They stay in a fish tank I found on the curb and they love eating Papa johns leftovers. The ants are so cool: they are white and brown and love j chillin in my room.
> 
> So yeah that's enough about me :) I'll enjoy my anty wantys so long as you enjoy the chap chap haha.

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 5:30 PM  
SETTING: ANGEL DUST ARENA

LINUS: Hello underlings of NEW HUAREZ and welcome back to the 1ST ANNUAL DAGGERFEST. As we launch back into the feirce cooking compatition between Skyler, Cr*ck p*t pete and Sharkman things are getting tense: but 1st SOME ANNOUNCEMENTS from our sponsers. Did you know that with UNIVERISTY OF PHEONIX ONLINE you can finish youre degree without even changing out of your peejays, it's true I am finishing my arceology degree right now on my laptop. But that is OFF TOPIC so without farther adieu lets cut right back to the contest.

Now the KRCK news cameras hop back to the action: ME, DREAMGUY and LAVAGIRL just learned that SHARKMAN loaded our entry with sh*t tons of cr*ck meaning our c*kehead judge will be sure to give us 1st place. Needless to say this is BAD NEWS BEARS as the last thing we want to win in this contest is a f***ing IHOP strapped to the cave sealing with GIANT ROPES. From the audiance all the wh*res wanting a peace of SHARKMAN start belting out the words to Cardi bs "Wet a** p***y" which only serves to make the ensidious Sharkman work even faster. Soon our dish is filled with so much cr*ck it would take a Christmas f*cking miracle to fix it: bad news cause according to cinnagog THERE ARE NO CHRISTMAS MIRACLES.

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: Cr*ck p*t pete 3rd, Sharkman 2nd and me 1st)

ME: Ah f*** how are we gonna win 2nd place in DAGGERFEST now?

DREAM GUY: Beats me honey: all that cr*ck will get us 1ST PLACE FOR SURE.

Suddenly stomping up to us comes Cr*ck p*t pete and needless to say this hairy motherf***er does NOT look happy. Wearing his KISS THE CHEF apron he giggles smacking his belly over and over: if you had been there YOU WOULD OF BEEN REPULSIVE. So getting up close Cr*ck p*t pete grins reveling his yellow teeth: good thing this isnt a oral higene contest or he would of got last place for sure.

CR*CK P*T PETE: Sorry Skyler but I gotta win that IHOP: cant afford to GO BACK TO PRISON yknow.

ME:(breaths in his stink breath, gross) Look that's real cool my dude but we don't even want the d*mn IHOP

CR*CK P*T PETE: D*mn you for real right now?

DREAM GUY: Yeah man we want to win Linuses slave JUNY CORTES instead.

CR*CK P*T PETE: ...why?

A few moments of silence

ME: Cause a giant IHOP isn't gonna suck my d*ck now is it.

Needless to say it was sarcastic as even tho my lady parts are not gender conforming I do not actually have a d*ck. Plus even if I did I WOULD NOT WANT JUNY CORTES ANYWHERE NEAR IT. Not just cause he is fat and gross but cause he would make it smell like CHICKEN BISKY for a month or more. Any way clearly I am thinking about it WAY more then Cr*ck p*t pete is cause the fat drug lord clearly not wanting me to get 1st place starts snorting all the cr*ck off our taco bowl right away. That sweet sweet necter of the street gods is suddenly FLOODING into Cr*ck p*t petes nostrels proving where he gets his name in a right proper instant. Holy f*ck, it is like a vaccum cleaner maybe even like NOO NOO from the TELATUBBIES. Only difference is that instead of snorting up family friendly TUBBY CUSTARD he is snorting up family unfreindly CR*CK instead: METAL.

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: Sharkman 3rd, me 2nd and Cr*ck p*t pete 1st)

SHARKMAN: Where is all the cr*ck going: STOP AT ONCE!

So Sharkman not to be out done starts pouring even more cr*ck onto the dish as Cr*ck p*t pete keeps snorting: it is like filling up a bath tub without the drain stopper in except with cr*ck instead of water. And WOW needless to say as Sharkman keeps adding cr*ck the big and burly Cr*ck p*t pete just undos his work: again I say it METAL.

Sharkman adds more cr*ck

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: Cr*ck p*t pete 3rd, Sharkman 2nd and me 1st)

Cr*ck p*t pete snorts it up

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: Sharkman 3rd, me 2nd and Cr*ck p*t pete 1st)

Sharkman in a rage adds more cr*ck

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: Cr*ck p*t pete 3rd, Sharkman 2nd and me 1st)

Cr*ck p*t pete snorts it up again

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: Sharkman 3rd, me 2nd and Cr*ck p*t pete 1st)

SHARKMAN: How the h*ll can you snort so much cr*ck???

ME: IT'S WORKING GUYS: soon Sharkman runs out of cr*ck to pour meaning we stay at 2nd place!

And sure enough it happens: as the last of Sharkmans CR*CK RESERVES peeter to a halt it seems that Cr*ck p*t pete is keeping up perfectly. So with the last of the tangy white substence inhaled into Cr*ck p*t petes nose it seems that Sharkman's plan to botch our dish ends in FAILURE: fitting for the shark themed waste of oxygen and sp*rm. He screams in pain and woe as the girls in the audiance keep throwing underpants but sad to say for Sharkman no amount of womans panties can fill the void of him being a f*cking WASTE. 

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: Sharkman 3rd, me 2nd and Cr*ck p*t pete 1st)

LORD MINUS: And TIME: its time for judging!

ME: Nice we got 2nd place for sure now!

Or so I thought: suddenly out of nowhere and with that lava lamp on her mind LAVAGIRL hocks a loogie of spit right into our food. Everyone in the audiance sees it and even LORD MINUS watches in disapproving: this means that our once quality dish gets dropped to a 3rd place right away. Needless to say instead of us earning 2nd place JUNY CORTES and advancing the plot we now are stuck with 3rd place LAVA LAMP and filler chap chaps for the NEXT 3 WEEKS.

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: me 3rd, Sharkman 2nd and Cr*ck p*t pete 1st)

ME: NOOOO LAVAGIRL GOD D*MN IT!

LAVAGIRL: I'm sorry Sky I had to!

SHARKMAN: Heh heh about time you did something useful you lava coated c*nt

LORD MINUS: But wait everyone: it seems that Cr*ck p*t pete has suffered drug complacations!

And sure enough a 2nd chance for us: Cr*ck p*t pete having breathed in 10 lbs of cr*ck is long past dead. Needless to say he is perfectly perserved by all the toxic chemicals, he is basically a Egiptian mummy but if the pharohs lived in the ghettos instead of the pyramids. So all the members of the audiance man woman and child cheer for the UNTIMELY END of Cr*ck p*t pete: needless to say tho Pete was well ahead of his time and future generations will come to admire his works.

LORD MINUS: Since Cr*ck p*t pete is dead there are now only 2 entrees to judge

(CURRENT PROJECTIONS: me 2nd, Sharkman 1st)

ME: Ha, take that Lavab*tch.

LAVAGIRL: Wait whose our judge anyway.

LORD MINUS: Oh I forgot to announce, its me. (tastes our food) wow Skyler this is a 1st place dish for sure, enjoy your new IHOP.

(FINAL RESULTS: Sharkman 2nd, me 1st)

Oh great so now CR*CK P*T PETE DIES FOR F***ING NOTHING

I HATE MY OWN WRITING SOMETIMES YOU KNOW THAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to another episode of Leighton's Corner. As you may have heard, I've returned from Nevada, though my trip did not play out as swimmingly as I was hoping it would. My original plans consisted of meeting with my director "friend", getting to know her a little more, making a few movies with her, and the ilk. Alas, life does not always go as expected, though I would argue that in my case, things going horribly awry has been the norm for a long, long time. No matter how you cut it, my trip ended with disaster. My director "friend" seemingly vanished into the aether, I blew through a myriad of hundred-dollar-bills, and the f*cking pigs pulled me over for having a flat tire. Needless to say, God didn't just piss in my Cheerios — he took a fat sh*t on my whole entire banquet.
> 
> Of course, we all know God isn't real, but it's nice to pretend He is just so I can scapegoat Him. Without my grandfather's inheritance, I'd surely be doomed ten times over by now, so I'm quite fortunate to still have that cache of cash stashed away in my room: somewhere nice, secluded, and hidden.
> 
> Seeing Fiction!Skyler suffer at the hands of bad luck reminded me of the tragedies I was forced to experience in reality. However, I cannot help but feel a bit bitter. Other people only know hardships through the world of make-believe, after all. But me? I experience it firsthand.
> 
> I'm not saying Skyler never has it rough, but... I experience that roughness firsthand nigh constantly.
> 
> Hasta la vista, I guess.


	26. EXPLOSIVE 1ST PRIZE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After applying more DUCK TAPE to the sides of my fish tank I think my pet anty wantys are settled into theyre new home. And WOW they must really love it: they like to dance around in there and also SWARM anything I throw to them. I know they must love veggies and suger cause they eat that sh*t up. So 1 time as a test I put in the last left over slice of Leightons HOT DOG AND PINE APPLE PIZZA: not even the ants will eat that f*****g garbage. 
> 
> Speaking of Leigh leigh life is normal again with him trolling around the house. Recently he starts doing shooting around the house for his film The truth in the darkness 2. By shooting I mean shooting with video camera and not with guns but who knows: based on the story line he told me for his new movie GUNS ARE NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION. Needless to say right now big bro is the only actor so sometimes I move camera for him. However he says maybe I can get a starring roll in the movie: uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh if you incest but who knows how good I'll be at acting :\
> 
> Oh and we had IHOP delivered to our house for dinner: that foods always a winner :) enjoy the chap chap

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 6:00 PM  
SETTING: LINUSES HIDEOUT

LORD MINUS: (sitting in his lair, using JUNY CORTES as a footrest) Ah yes if it isnt my trust servent the TEA MAN, please come on in and I hope you brewed my favorite cup of english tea for me this morn.

TEA MAN: Thanks mate. (rolls in a tea cart: filled with CRUMPETS, SCONES and ENGLISH TEA) You know LORD MINUS that's some real shonky business you've got going on here with the cartell but I do have a question for ya mate.

LORD MINUS: Oh and what would that be my dearest.

TEA MAN: All this stuff here in NEW HUAREZ, how is it helping with A.S.S's plan to take over the world.

LORD MINUS: Oh you'll see soon (evil grin) soon Skyler and her friends will walk RIGHT INTO MY TRAP.

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

DATE: DITTO ABOVE  
TIME: DITTO ABOVE  
SETTING: CAVE SEALING

ME: Wow climbing all the way to the cave sealing was a real d*mn hassle.

DREAM GUY: We shouldn't even be here: this wasnt the prize we DESERVED.

LAVAGIRL: Yeah: I wanted that LAVA LAMP!

Needless to say me and my friends just climbed all the way up to the IHOP strapped to the cave sealing. Wow, none of us even wanted this f*cking thing but tbh if we won it in the contest then we MIGHT AS WELL USE IT. So now walking thru the front doors I am wondering if we can make it our secret base or something: d*mn, sucks that our new secret base REMOVED the LOADED PHILLY STEAKBURGERS™ from theyre menu. Oh well it's not like the place has any employees any way. In fact walking in theres barely anything in here at all: no tables no booths no nothing. Just a empty husk that says IHOP out front just like how my family home is an empty husk that only has me and Leigh leigh now: OFF TOPIC. 

ME: D*mn its depressing isnt it, also it smells like gun powder

DREAM GUY: Huh yeah, wait what is that over there?

Now pointing to a nearby BASEMENT DOOR we follow DREAM GUY to what he sees: a TWICHING MASS dangling from the doorway in a cloth sack. Needless to say DREAM GUY is so preceptive: I would of kissed him RIGHT THERE if he was not a Dream Significant Other which makes it impossible. Also whoever is in the sack is screaming and whining: needless to say a hostidge inside a bag is not exactly missletoe.

LAVAGIRL: Oh my G*d who is that?

So walking forward I remove the bag and suddenly see what I am looking at. His skin rinkled, his mouth taped shut with DUCK TAPE and tears in his eyes I suddenly know what I am looking at: MAX THE DREAMER inside the body of JUNIES GRAMPA!

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

TEA MAN: So your telling me they'll find MAX THE DREAMER any second now.

LORD MINUS: (grinning with evil) Indeed: HOWEVER that is only the first of my big suprises, tell me TEA MAN are you aware of the cartell gangsters who dig cr*ck tunnels all day looking for the DAGGER OF CAIN. 

TEA MAN: Aye

LORD MINUS: Well then (snickers) look at what gets dug up during the cooking contest earlier.

So LINUS suddenly reaching into his pants whips it out and TEA MAN grows his eyes in amazement. Needless to say it was much bigger then he was expecting and the tip looks like it could penatrate anything it wants. The DAGGER OF CAIN glowing with satanic energy held in front of LORD MINUS is a sight to behold: THE TRUE PURPOSE of NEW HUAREZ all along

TEA MAN: Now THIS is a knife!

LORD MINUS: Now all I have to do is finish my arceology degree on UNIVERSITY OF PHEONIX ONLINE, then our plan will be complete.

TEA MAN: Whats that got to do with anything?

LORD MINUS: Well you see...

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

ME: (untying MAX THE DREAMER) Wow Max seems like the cartell f*cked you over big time.

MAX: Your telling me, but wait you have to hear this, the CARTELL LEADER is...

ME: A real f***ing a**hole I'm sure haha, now let's go check out the basement: hold my hand DREAM GUY :)

So DREAM GUY holds my hand but it doesn't count cause he is a Dream significant other: NO MATTER as he just lets his hand faze through mine so it's like were holding hands but not exactly. Meanwhile Lavagirl snivels being single and abused: d*mn thats rough but youll get another chance someday. Now walking into the basement the smell of GUN POWDER and OIL gets stronger: smells like Guy fox was having a rager down here or something.

DREAM GUY: Wow those IHOP ingredents smell awful.

LAVAGIRL: No wait it cant be...!

So Lavagirl flipping on the lights revels something new: POUNDS UPON POUNDS OF TNT with the face of the CARTELL MARIACHY on each and every 1. Holy h*ll, the explodings are stacked so high this IHOP could go Heroshima any second now. Needless to say this is a huge YIKES and stepping forward I made a HUGE MISTAKE. Stepping on a hidden pressure plate, there is no cartell-cr*ck-needle-on-a-stick to hit me in the neck but instead a 30 SECOND COUNTDOWN begins instead.

ME: HOLY F*CK ITS GONNA BLOW, RUN EVERYONE!

MAX: Skyler listen to me THE CARTELL LEADER IS...

ME: TRYING TO BLOW US UP I F***ING GET IT!

So running for our lifes we want so bad to run: however as we book it out of the TNT CELLER I see 1 last thing laying on the ground that gives me suspicous. A stack of WEIRD PAPERS stapled together and the front page says:

THE HIDDEN LAND BENEATH HUAREZ  
BY LORD MINUS

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

LORD MINUS: I lose so much money building the CARTELL EMPIRE for these garden variety th*gs and now they have so much power. To be honest with you TEA MAN I am TIRED of working with the CARTELL but with the DAGGER OF CAIN in my grasp now their not needed any more. And you know what comes next

TEA MAN: Your blowing up the bl**dy IHOP!?

LORD MINUS: Yes raining cave sealing and rocks onto this d*mn city ending the cartell once and for all: SPILLED BLOOD AND GORE. Then with my arceology degree from UNIVERSITY OF PHEONIX ONLINE I will "wait" 2 years then "discover" the ruins of this g*d forsaken city: after publishing my prewritten book about it all I'll hit the BIG TIME and make all my money back. The plans perfect so perfect, then I can use that money to replace more family homes with chain diners

TEA MAN: ...

LORD MINUS: Genius isnt it

TEA MAN: Can I see this book mate.

LORD MINUS: Oh yeah let me get the drafts out and... (looks at his desk: DRAFTS are NOWHERE IN SIGHT)

TEA MAN: Where are they mate.

LORD MINUS: Oh f*ck: TEA MAN could you go run a errand for me real quick?

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

ME: RUN RUN RUN, F***ING BOOK IT!

Needless to say as the countdown starts running out ME, DREAM GUY, LAVAGIRL, and MAX THE DREAMER are going as fast as our ch*nky legs will take us as JUDGEMENT DAY fast approaches for the city of NEW HUAREZ. Up the celler stairs and out the front door we go: landing on the front steps we start climbing down from the IHOP as fast as we can. Then all of the sudden some random british idiot goes climbing up, STEPPING ON OUR FACES as he passes us on the rope. WHAT THE F*** BRO.

TEA MAN: INCOMIIIINNGGG!

LAVAGIRL: Hey british guy don't go up there the place is about to-

MAX: Shh shh shhh, the f*ck has this guy done for us.

Wow Max: that was COLD but since the guy just stepped on my face I am not exactly eager to save his life. So we keep booking it and as the TEA MAN wanders into the IHOP to find LORD MINUSES manuscripts the countdown finally hits 0: with a blast of HOLY FIRE glass shards and concrete go flying each way along with the GIBLETS of the late TEA MAN. A kidney slapping Max across the face: thats what you get for killing TEA MAN you f***head.

Now the cave sealing starting to rumble, the end of NEW HUAREZ is near.

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

Lord Minus weeps having lost TEA MAN his book drafts and a f*ck ton of money all on the same night: LIFES ROUGH BUDDY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, and welcome back to Leighton's Corner! And boy, do I have some news for you that'll rock your world like an exploding iHOP location! As mentioned by Skyler in the opening notes, I've begun filming for the sequel to my original film, "The Truth in the Darkness". Now, you might be wondering, "Leighton, why did you wait so long to begin production on your next movie?" Well, to be honest, I've been drained of motivation for quite a long time. However, after the devastating losses I suffered in Nevada, a realization occurred to me. Why should I let the disappearance of my director "friend" mean that I don't have a future? Why not work towards my future today instead?
> 
> And so, that's exactly what I am doing. This movie will focus on the brother of the first film's protagonist as he attends a university that now has fifty percent less students than usual. Of course, if you haven't seen the first one, you may be a little lost on the details. Don't worry, though, as I plan to start working on a novelization in due time. Who knows? You might even find it right here on the Archive eventually. I think it'd be a great complement to the madcap, wacky humor of Reality!Skyler's works!
> 
> While I don't have a university set to work with, there is a high school nearby that hasn't been touched in decades. So, perhaps some "urban exploring" could help me uncover a great place to film! I'll update you regularly on my moviemaking adventures, so hasta la vista, and wish me luck!


	27. NEW HUAREZES LAST HOPE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As big bro Leighton starts filming his new movie he also talks about NATIONAL NOVEL WRITING MONTH or NanoWriMo for short. Basically a bunch of book nerds sit down and try to write a WHOLE A** BOOK from November 1 to november 31 and needless to say I don't think Leigh leigh is cut out for it. However he says maybe he will try to write a moovie script in 1 month instead. Yeah good luck buddy not even I write that fast :(
> 
> Meanwhile at school it is all drama. So 1st of all that f*ckface Farley got kicked out of our lunch table cause he slapped Hanna, idk if there relation ship is over or not but F**CK HIM EITHER WAY, EVEN IF HE IS SINGLE I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT B*TCH OR MS. C*NTSLEY HIS LUNCH LADY AUNT. However replacing Farley at the lunch table is this Chinese girl named Shu, Gilby drug her over to our table because he has the hots for her and worst of all SHE IS A REAL ASIAN AND I'M NOT >:( It seems that NO AMOUNT of anime will make me be asian enough for Gilby: I even watch a weird new type of anime called yuri and learned nothing other then that  
> 1\. I have ALOT of confilcting feelings about it and  
> 2\. holy f*** I didnt think it was big enough to fit a entire fist up there.
> 
> Recently at lunch time I do notice that Shu is pretty cute so I guess i can't blame Gilby for being so into it, that's off topic tho so enjoy the chap chap

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 7:00 PM  
SETTING: HUAREZ MEXICO

Above the land of NEW HUAREZ is the land of REGULAR HUAREZ which was last seen in Chapter 18 and needless to say the place still looked like a f****ng dump. With tumple weeds rolling about, abandoned cr*ck houses and the old Cracker barrell in the center of it all: however thretening to destroy it all is the RUMBLING GROUND, after the IHOP exploded last chap chap the cave sealing has now become unstable. But LORD MINUS trying his hardest to ignore sits in front of the Cracker barell at a wooden stand. A big sign above it saying Writers convention as Linus plunks away at his smart phone: what the f*** is he doing now.

Suddenly out of nowhere the CARTELL MARIACHY emerges from the Cracker barrell

CARTELL MARIACHY: Ey ese, I climb all the way up the hole to find you, the cave sealing of NEW HUAREZ is collasping mon, it will not be stable for much longer now.

LORD MINUS: Hmm a shame: how did you know to find me here.

CARTELL MARIACHY: (whipping out phone) You make post on your Linked in mon.

It's true: looking at the screen a LINKEDIN post by Lord minus reveals he is avertising a WRITERS CONVENTION in the middle of REGULAR HUAREZ for reasons that are surely beyond the CARTELL MARIACHY's comprehend.

LORD MINUS: Oh you know its for National novel writing month.

CARTELL MARIACHY: Bullsh*t now tell me the truth.

Now Linus is snarling: d*mn the CARTELL MARIACHY reads him like a book which is kinda suprising cause none of the cartell members can even read.

LORD MINUS: Fine my "hombre" I will tell you the truth: that IHOP explosion was suppose to bury your whole city with rubble, then I would "wait" 2 years and "discover" the ruins, then using my arceology degree I publish a book about it and make all the money back I lost paying youre d*mn cartell to find the DAGGER OF CAIN for me

CARTELL MARIACHY: Que

LORD MINUS: HOWEVER the drafts of my book were lost in the explosion and worst of all the cave sealing is unstable but not collapsing. So now I have announce a writing convention up here: the foot traffic of many genius novelists will be sure to cause the cave sealing to fall apart. Whats more I will tell them about NEW HUAREZ to inspire them to write about it: then STEALING theyre drafts I will run away with a NEW BOOK and let them die with the city.

CARTELL MARIACHY: Ay claro this is muy bad, I trusted you Senor linus! (turns around to run)

Bad move for him as out of nowhere LORD MINUS rushes up and thrusted the DAGGER OF CAIN into the CARTELL MARIACHY's back: a literal and figuritive backstab causing the betrayed cartell member to shout OLE in a dying cry. All the while the satanic energys of the DAGGER OF CAIN rush into the musicans body making all sorts of h*llish things happen to him: HORNS and SCALES sprouting from his body, H*LLFIRE bursting from his flesh and a GLOWING PENTEGRAM drawing itsself under him as he falls to the ground dead. From the pits of h*ll Satan and cain laugh: another soul for them to get their grubby a** fingers all over.

LORD MINUS: Fool you cannot stop my genius plan!

Now looking into the distants Linus sees something most pleasing: a WRITER CARAVAN coming to attend his event, including famous writers such as STEPHEN KING, JK ROLLING, STEPHANIE MYERS and DR SEUSS. Lord Minus grinning with evil c*cks an eye brow in glee: these writers better get cracking tho cause times running out. NaNoWriMo, more like NaNoWriDay cause they only got a day instead of a month which is alot less time if you think about it

LORD MINUS: The dreams of NEW HUAREZ will soon wind up like the people: CRUSHED!

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

DATE: DITTO ABOVE  
TIME: DITTO ABOVE  
SETTING: NEW HUAREZ MEXICO

DREAM GUY: Hey skyler how long do you think until the cave sealing caves in.

ME: Idk, probably 2 chap chaps, 3 tops.

So we are roaming the streets of NEW HUAREZ as the final hours of the city come fast. All around people are in a panic: at the local drugstore the cartell gangsters finally buy something other then cr*ck and start hording bread milk and toilet paper. Needless to say I dont think that toilet paper is gonna help em much, when the cave sealing goes down good luck wiping your a** when your dead body is covered with ROCKS. Also in the streets th*gs holding card board signs chant about the END TIMES and to beg SATAN and CAIN for forgiveness. Uhhhhh no thats not how it works according to cinnagog, GOD and ABEL are the path of forgiveness.

LAVAGIRL: Lets just warp out of here with a Dream vortex

MAX: Dearest Lavagirl it does not work that way, besides we have to find JUNY 1st as much as I hate to say it

LAVAGIRL: Ugh but why, he is so gross.

MAX: Well Lavy we need his help: also I wish to kill his grandpa in front of him for revenge for shooting me

ME: Oh yeah I forgot that was at the top of your TO-DO LIST.

Needless to say I am so distract that I do not notice the glock lifted up to my skull. Then feeling the COLD METAL against my hair I stare up only to see CARMEN the CARTELL LEADER: wearing leather pants a gold chain and a sports bra I find myself with out words. Now with a feeling in my non gender conforming ovary's I get a sensation I previous only get looking at CUTE BOYS: wow Carmen has a 6 pack ab and is looking pretty cut (muscles, she does not have a d*ck so dont worry about it)

CARMEN: Your coming with me. (pulls out ropes and ties my hands)

Wow, tbh if I wasn't already committed to DREAM GUY I probably would not of protested. HOWEVER since I am I lash away and break free from her charms: now all of us scowling at Carmen take a few steps back. DREAM GUY frowning at me knows that I was checking her out. Sorry dude but your a Dream significant other that cant even touch me and if that doesn't change soon i might settle for someone who can actually DO ME RIGHT.

MAX: G*d do we actually have to fight her.

LAVAGIRL: Please Ms cartell leader: the cave sealing is gonna fall we have to do something!

Needless to say Carmen snarls not exactly happy to see us.

CARMEN: Tbh I was gonna ask for your help: NEW HUAREZ may not be doomed after all

ME: What really, tell us more.

CARMEN: Inside the KRCK radio station, theirs a computer that can create a force field above the city that will protecting it from cave sealing destruction. It was my idea, after all if cr*ck rocks create a society then regular rocks can destroy it too.

Nodding my head in agreement I walk past Carmen the cartell leader and to my friends: however while passing her I take a whiff of her hair to see how it smells, it is like boy shampoo and some how this makes me even more into it. Sorry DREAM GUY you know I would not leave you: I was just curious thats all.

ME: Leave it to us we will find the FORCE FIELD COMPUTER and save NEW HUAREZ in no time.

MAX: Do we have to

ME: She is CARTELL LEADER so we have no choice

MAX: Ah f**k your right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [10.30.2020 | PRINCIPAL FILMOGRAPHY JOURNAL]  
> ====================================
> 
> Oh, hey there! I didn't notice you walking up, so forgive me for being so startled! Maybe you didn't recognize me because of that new intro I used, but yes, this is Leighton, coming to you live from Leighton's Corner! And do I have some exciting news for you regarding the creation of my movie! "The Truth in the Darkness 2", now retitled to "The Truth in the Darkness: The Cost of the Silencer" has been seeing leaps and bounds of progress in the cinematography department. As it turns out, the local abandoned high school has proven to be a phenomenal set for my upcoming film. Here's a few highlights for you regarding its suitable application:
> 
>  **1.** Despite being abandoned for more than twenty years, many of the classrooms and hallways still appear to be in fair condition! Others have shattered windows, graffiti, and other "New-Juarez-esque" details, so I'll be sure to avoid those like the plague.  
>  **2.** The lockers in the hallways do not have built-in locks. In fact, no locks are available whatsoever. These may prove to be excellent hiding spots in case police officers come to investigate any possible trespassing civilians such as myself.  
>  **3.** The school auditorium is still completely furbished with carpet and cushioned seats, which will make it a superb setting for the climax of the movie. What's more, I even met an individual who goes by "Hobo Joe" who lives here with his cat. He's shockingly good at operating the camera!
> 
> With these recent developments, things are looking good for my directorial career. I'll give you more updates as I continue my work!
> 
> Hasta la vista!


	28. KRCK HEIST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So lets get this out of the way but I am REALLY UPSET cause alot of my anty wantys escaped the fish tank last night. What happened was that the DUCK TAPE pealed off the side of the fish tank giving them plenty of holes n stuff to go thru: hopefully they stay out of trouble, its an ant eat ant world out there after all :( Oh well when they show up again I will scoop them up and give them plenty of PAPA JOHNS as a welcome back present :) Wow being a mom sure is tough hahaha.
> 
> Oh and before I forget HAPPY HALOWEEN, before I wrote this I dressed up as the Tf2 sniper and visited all the houses and boy was Leighton pissed about my outfit! He tried to tell me the coppers would pull me over for carrying around a gun: ITS CLEARLY FAKE as it was made of styerfoam. I memorised so many sniper quotes to make this outfit work and I think it was a hit. Hanna who dressed as an Atari said it was good and asked if I had got Tf2 for a console instead of PC yet. Gilby was the Tf2 engineer so we kinda matched. And shu was very impressed even tho she did not have her own costume. She was very busy scrolling thru JOE BIDENS twitter cause she says TRUMP will end womans rights in America. Wow I did not know Shu was a femanist, she must take great interest in woman :)
> 
> Oh and my other friend Lucas hated my costume btw but no suprise there.
> 
> Enjoy the chap chap ;)

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 7:30 PM  
SETTING: KRCK RADIO STATION

RADIO GUY: Good evening everyone here in NEW HUAREZ, today hot on the headlines is the inpending doom and death when the cave sealing finally falls down on us: our data analists reccomend using umbrelas and hard hats to minamise risk of head injurys or at the very least to make your bodies more regocnizable. Remember to tell your family and friends you love them and enjoy youre final hours: in other news a local NEW HUAREZ businessman is opening his 5th TACO RESTARANT tomorrow so more on that at 10.

RADIO GUY 2: Ok cut: we're on commersal break now

RADIO GUY: Cool cool, f*ck I hate this job and all the dumbf***ks who listen in.

RADIO GUY 2: Wait my b, we're still live. (flips switch) Ok now we're on commersal break.

RADIO GUY: ...

All of a sudden interupting them is the sound of the door busting open: from the streets of NEW HUAREZ come me, DREAM GUY, Lavagirl and Max the dreamer with our dream glocks out and ready to fire. Needless to say the radio guys fearing for theyre lifes fling their arms in the air whimpering like cowards

ME: WHERE IS THE FORCE FIELD COMPUTER?

RADIO GUY: I... uh....

ME: IF WE DON'T ACTIVATE IT NEW HUAREZ IS AS GOOD AS DEAD!

RADIO GUY 2: No comrad, do not tell her: LORD MINUS payed us good money to make sure nobody used that computer. (reaching over he flips a switch: the radio show is now live again)

DREAM GUY: They are not complying Skyler: THREATEN THEM AGAIN!

ME: Shut up and show me the force field computer OR I WILL OPEN FIRE!!!

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

DATE: DITTO ABOVE  
TIME: DITTO ABOVE  
SETTING: HUAREZ MEXICO

Meanwhile in REGULAR HUAREZ Linus is sitting outside with all the worlds esteemed writers as they begin making books about the mysterious land of NEW HUAREZ: all the while more writers are flooding in, soon the foot traffic will make the cave sealing collaspe just as LORD MINUS has hoped. Sitting down he listens to the radio and picks dirt from under his finger nails with the DAGGER OF CAIN: wow this radio show is real neat, the host just admitted he hates his audience live on air.

LORD MINUS: Dearest writers tell me, how do your BOOKS be going?

STEPHEN KING: Couldn't tell you: this NEW HUAREZ cr*ck is so good I dont even remember what I wrote.

JK ROLLING: I am so inspired that I retconned a mexican into Harry potter: soon the books will have every minorety on earth except for trans women.

STEPHANIE MYERS: Whats the spanish word for vampire again?

DR SUESS: I taught what i meant and I meant what i taught: NEW HUAREZ is great, now please pass the p*t.

Seems like things are going pretty good, LORD MINUS will have a new book about the city to plagerize and steal in no time at all. So out of nowhere interupting his thoughts are the radio show: are those the sounds of glocks getting loaded? Now tuning his FULL ATENTION to the radio Linus is shocked to hear the following

ME: (on radio) Shut up and show me the force field computer OR I WILL OPEN FIRE!!! (sounds of glocks firing)

LORD MINUS: Oh no: I CANNOT LET SKYLER STOP MY EVIL PLANS!

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

LAVAGIRL: Was all this really nessacary

ME: (tossing the limp RADIO GUYS into the corner) I told them to shut up but they didnt listen. Oh look, the FORCE FIELD COMPUTER.

Now we see it in the corner of the room: looks like a old WINDOWS XP computer which means it will be really f***ing slow to start up but hey at least it has SPACE PINBALL on it. But needless to say we need to get it up and running FAST or else we will be too late to stop the rocks from fallen. Booking it to the PC we reach for the power button: then out of nowhere the whoosh of a DREAM VORTEX opening behind us.

MAX: Oh for f*cks sake.

DREAM GUY: Halt: who goes there stranger!

Needless to say stepping out of the Dream vortex is LORD MINUS: florishing his cape about he gives us a evil grin making shivers roll down my spine. Now reaching into his pants he whips out his SECRET WEAPON again and right away all of us gasp in shock. Tbh this is the 1st time I have seen it in person: wow that thing is almost THROBBING with power. The evil DAGGER OF CAIN in Linuses hand, an artefact of anceint evil now right in front of us.

LORD MINUS: Well well well we meet at last (smirks and pulls out Maxes dream journal) Remember this Max.

Oh yeah: Linus still has Maxes dream journal, I have not mentioned it since chapter 7. 

MAX: HE TOOK MY DREAM JOURNAL!

LORD MINUS: Ohoho theres no denying it, now its time you were sent to SATAN'S office so he can have you EXPELLED from the surface of the earth! The DREAM JOURNAL is the source of all your dreams Max: now watch what happens as I destroy it in front of your very eyes!

Now stabbing the DREAM JOURNAL Max screams as the fabric of his dreams EXPLODED into satanic fire. Meanwhile in the sky above the far away PLANET DROOL twinkles in the sky like a comet flying in the sky: DROOL ON! But then as the pages of Planet drool in Maxes dream journal burst into FLAMES the planet itself too is totally f***ed: with the screams and crys of far away kids the whole planet suddenly goes super nova. With a huge a** BOOM the world of Planet drool DROOLS ON NO LONGER.

MAX: No... all my dreams... accept for Sharkboy Lavagirl and Mr electric who were dream adopted by someone else...

LORD MINUS: Mwahahahahaha all kids must have theyre dreams CRUSHED!

ME: Your sick!

LORD MINUS: Whatever now NEW HUAREZ is next. Needless to say tho I won't be fighting you: it is time to use the DAGGER OF CAIN to it's full power: SEND ME YOUR GREATEST WARRIER LORD SATAN!

Now Lord minus PLUNGEING the DAGGER OF CAIN into the ground begins to resite the SATANIC CHANTS: as he begs his masters Satan and cain to send him a soul of the d*mned to be his slave. Needless to say right in front of us the pits of h*ll open up as a horrible demon crawls out to fight us. His fingers are like BONES and his belly is so so fat covered with fat and pimple juice. Strapped over his sholders is a APRON now saying KISS THE DEVIL instead of KISS THE CHEF, his once yellow teeth now sharp monster fangs, wow this is really scary. Now opening his mouth alot of cr*ck pouder leaks out almost 10 lbs of it even. Then with a huge ROAR the man once known as Cr*ck p*t pete now reborn as DEMON PETE is ready for battle.

ME: What have you done to Pete you monsters: the real Pete was a hero!

LORD MINUS: As if you would ever know what a TRUE HERO is: now get them DEMON PETE!

Demon pete not 1 for introducions bum rushes us right away meaning its battle time: if we lose then the force field computer stays off and NEW HUAREZ is doomed for sure...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [10.31.2020 | PRINCIPAL FILMOGRAPHY JOURNAL]  
> ====================================
> 
> Boo! Ohoho, did I scare you? Don't worry, I'm not one of the many rogue spirits that people claim to have seen on All Hallows' Eve. It's just me, Leighton, coming to you live from Leighton's Corner once again. I've been working diligently on the set of "The Truth in the Darkness: The Cost of the Silencer", working to produce as much footage as I can with my limited crew. Scenes that feature the protagonist alone are simple, as I am the only required actor. However, later parts where the main character are being mocked by an entire classroom are a bit more difficult. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. For now, the only stagehands available are me, Hobo Joe, and his cat Rupert. We film just about everything we do, even if it's just procrastinating in the auditorium and drinking hard ciders together.
> 
> Speaking of which, I had to buy brand-new bottles of hard cider recently, as Reality!Skyler threw all of my old ones away while I was out in Nevada. For a while, I was going to let bygones be bygones in regards to what had transpired at home while I was out of town, but things are starting to get out of hand again. For example, Skyler has been playing Team Fortress 2 nonstop ever since she reinstalled it, and she even had the audacity to cosplay as the game's worst character. Furthermore, not only is she still eating out of Gilbert's hands, but she's started going on about this "Shu", too. And, worst of all, this Shu is apparently one of those radical third-wave feminists that won't rest until all of the world's men have been driven into livestock pens.
> 
> The implications of what might happen to Skyler are harrowing indeed. Please, Skyler, don't censor these end notes. I need you to read these, and I need the world to see them as well. Just remember that others want to hide the truth from you with their Orwellian tactics. So what will you do? Think for yourself? Or drink the Kool-Aid?
> 
> Hasta la vista.


	29. FINAL MINUTES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a little bit of GOOD NEWS and alot of BAD NEWS too so lets start with the good news 1st shall we? So basically the good news is that I found my lost pet anty wantys after they escaped my fish tank in the dead of night: thank f*ck their doing fine cause I would not of forgiven myself if they got stomped under big bro Leigh leighs shoes while he got leftover Papa johns out of the fridge. Needless to say tho there is BAD NEWS as well so here it goes: I found Leightons hidden GRANDPAS INHERITANCE that he always talks about and well uh apparently my anty wantys did too. So Google.com tells me that my ants are actually TIRMITES and needless to say they seem to love money as much as Leighton does: just in a more culenary sense, uh basically the tirmites ate like a metric sh*t ton of that cash.
> 
> So yeah its a RIGHT PROPER MESS, my ants live outside now. Big bro is furious cause he needs that money, as you know he has never had a job. Currently i am sorting thru sereal numbers and taping together all the bills I can cause alot of this cash can be fixed! I think cash lost is only 50 PER CENT which is like getting a D in school and as they say D'S MAKE DEGREES. In the mean time Papa johns is hiring so maybe Leigh leigh can work there as long as he does not make HOT DOG AND PINE APPLE PIZZA. And who knows maybe if the new CEO says the n word like Papa john himself did (Gilby said it really happened!) then Leighton can become the HEAD HONCHO. :)
> 
> Enjoy the chap chap

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 8:00 PM  
SETTING: HUAREZ MEXICO

STEPHEN KING: Ok gather around everyone and listen to my new book: DESPARATION IN NEW HUAREZ, and get ready cause this book is so scary it will make you JUMP OUT OF YOUR SEAT.

Needless to say all the writers at Lord minuses writer convention gather up, sitting criss cross apple sauce on the floor and some laying on mats. JK ROLLING smiles and watches while retweeting trans phobic trash as she always does, STEPHANIE MYER steals more fan fictions off Archive of our own and DR SUESS mutters ryming poems to himself sounding kinda grumpy, hey you'd be grumpy too if you were 116 YEARS OLD. Mean while the ground shakes under them: NEW HUAREZ is close to doom

STEPHEN KING: So it was a dark and stormy night in NEW HUAREZ...

Tensions are high in the audiance and people are already shook by STEPHEN KINGS writing but even scarier then that is whats happening under them at the KRCK radio station: real monsters and real conseqences

<10 MIN TO CAVE SEALING COLLASPE>

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

DATE: DITTO ABOVE  
TIME: DITTO ABOVE  
SETTING: KRCK RADIO STATION

So DEMON PETE bum rushing us barely misses as using our fast reflexs we manage to dodge behind him. Needless to say tho Satans mightiest warrier won't quit so easily as he pulls out a wepon from his apron: a GIANT FORK that he might of used for his cooking contests back when he was alive. However making this 1 different are the FLAMES OF H*LL flickering around it: the demon looks at us GRINS in evil. Behind him the FORCE FIELD COMPUTER stands: our last hope at stopping NEW HUAREZES DOOMSDAY.

<8 MIN TO CAVE SEALING COLLASPE>

ME: Pete we don't have to fight: remember who your TRULY are!

DEMON PETE: I remember nothing of my life, all I know is serving my masters in H*LL'S KITCHEN and needless to say Satan and cain want you f*cking dead! (chunks to fork at me: I dodge, but it whips around and Demon pete catches it cleanly)

LORD MINUS: Excellent work Demon pete, now torture Skyler and her friends so hard that it makes the Book of job look like Green eggs and f***ing ham (cackles) no offense to DR SUESS who is currently attending my writers convention

Demon pete nodding with eager summens a cutting board: then with a huge a** knife he preps some DEVILS LETTUCE to attack us with. Needless to say after diceing it up he lights it on fire meaning w**d smoke absolutely SMOTHERS us making us begin to choke. Then unshething his Luciferian ladle Demon pete bonks me on the head: INSTANT DIZZYNESS.

ME: Ooohh man i feel so dizzy...

DREAM GUY: Hang in there honey: don't enhale any more p*t smoke! (turning to Lavagirl) now Lavy blast Demon pete with lava, I know it hurts having to fight a former friend but we have to do it to save NEW HUAREZ!

LAVAGIRL: (tears in her eyes) I'M SORRY PETE! (blasts him with a f*ck ton of lava)

DEMON PETE: (howling with h*llish laughs) FOOLS, I BURNED IN H*LL SO MUCH I AM IMMUNE TO LAVA!

<5 MIN TO CAVE SEALING COLLASPE>

MAX: D*mn it, if my girlfriend the ICE PRINCESS was here she could of destroyed Demon pete instantly.

ME: Yeah but isnt she dead?

MAX: Wtf you told me she was fine.

ME: ...Nah man the Dinksters KILLED her: SPILLED BLOOD and GORE. 

MAX: ...

ME: Uh sorry, wanted to break the news slowly to you ya know.

MAX: Great, now with both my planet and my gf dead I've got NO DROOL and NO GROOL.

ME: Grool, wait you mean that stuff I saw in yuri?

Needless to say no time for a straight answer there as out of no where Demon pete uses Beezlebobs banana blender to try to shred us into a puray: I DOUBT IT WOULD TASTE VERY GOOD. So jumping out of the blender I fire shot after shot at Demon pete with my DREAM GLOCK: score as I get him many times in the torsoe. Shells are flying all over and not just cause Demon pete is crunching down on PISTASHOS either, still its like no damage is happening to Demon pete: WTF?

DEMON PETE: Ha ha ha: no damage is happening to me!

LORD MINUS: Excellent work Demon pete, you have NO WEAKNESSES to hear of!

<3 MIN TO CAVE SEALING COLLASPE>

Needless to say now my thinking gears are thinking, so using my brain I use my DREAM POWERS to try to save ourselfs from DEMON PETE's fear some rath. Now appearing from no where is a bowl, and it's filled to the brim and can you guess with what? No it's not CAPTAIN CRUNCH, but instead CR*CK C*CAIN as Pete once snorts when he was a normal cartell member roming the streets of NEW HUAREZ. Now suddenly being drawed to his old favorite food he plants his head in it like a OSTRICH: CR*CK TIME FOR PETEY. And before too long the cr*ck is f*cking with his demon brain, seems like even DEVILKIND is not immune to hot fresh home cooking. Boom, now Demon pete is COMATOSE meaning the FORCE FIELD COMPUTER is ours to use

LORD MINUS: NO DEMON PETE: I must preform CPR! (starts kissing Demon pete, kinda gay bro)

<2 MIN TO CAVE SEALING COLLASPE>

DREAM GUY: Hurry skyler boot up the computer!

MAX: Yeah Sky it is time to save NEW HUAREZ!

ME: Okay ok! (runs up to computer) Oh man I hope this works otherwise the whole city is done for!

So needless to say I press the power button as LORD MINUS continues tounging DEMON PETES uvula: now the Windows xp begins starting up meaning maybe we can save the city after all.

<1 MIN TO CAVE SEALING COLLASPE>

LAVAGIRL: Oh thank G*d Skyler: you saved us all.

ME: Yeah yeah, well you know its no problem.

LAVAGIRL: Its a good thing you know how to use Windows xp haha

ME: Well you know: it's on the computers at SCHOOL.

LAVAGIRL: That is so cool the start up music is really catchy!

ME: Huh?

Now turning to the computer I see what Lavagirl is talking about, but wait this is not the tune I remember, normally the computers would go DUN DUN DUN DUHHHHHH and show the grassy hill back ground or whatever, but this tune is ALOT longer, and there are words too, saying some thing about all his friends and a low rider or something. Then instead of a grass hill back ground we see something MUCH MUCH MORE SCARY: a MEXICAN FACE on a ELECTRIC BALL. Needless to say the grin on his face is so chesy that you can tell we're looking at a MEUNSTER.

MR ELECTRIC.EXE: Sorry to AMP up the tension but this computers TOAST!

And with a big explosion the computer is BRICKED.

MAX: (sighing) Oh of f****ing course.

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

STEPHEN KING: And then the m*th monster KILLED THEM ALL

JK ROLLING: GAH: that's almost as scary as EQUAL RIGHTS!

Wow, the audiance of the writers convention is so scared of STEPHEN KINGS writing that they all jump out of theyre seats: BIG MISTAKE as this makes the unstable cave sealing finally rumble its last. Now with that sudden BOOM of a 100 writers or more jumping up n down the sealing COLLAPSES: the writers screaming as they tumble into NEW HUAREZ along with 100000000 POUNDS OF ROCK. So STEPHEN KING realising hes done for pulls out a type writer and quickly finishes his last 10 novels: JK ROLLING tweets hate speech and gets canceled 1 last time: STEPHANIE MYERS accepts she is soon as dead as her career: DR SUESS embraces death cause he was supposed to die 29 years ago anyway.

STEPHANIE MYERS: SAVE ME EDWARD

DR SUESS: I feel kinda chicken but I'm not gonna cluck: the cave sealings falling, NEW HUAREZ is f***ed!

Now the rocks begin to land crushing every cartell MAN WOMAN AND CHILD: SPILLED BLOOD AND GORE as giblets explode all over cause even tho theyre wearing umbrellas and hard hats nothing can save them from judgement day. The skyscrapers tumble and the crys of citizens from all over ring out: th*gs are shooting up cr*ck 1 last time before GIANT A** ROCKS flatten them into pancakes that is if pancakes tasted like ketamene overdose anyway.

So this is it: THE END OF NEW HUAREZ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [11.2.2020 | PRINCIPAL FILMOGRAPHY JOURNAL]  
> ====================================
> 
> Welcome back to Leighton's Corner. Unfortunately, I have some sad news to share with you. It seems that my sister has accidentally invited termites into our home, and what's more, they've focused their war efforts on the cash that my late grandfather bequeathed onto me. Normally, I'd be a lot more upset, but with "The Truth in the Darkness: The Cost of the Silencer" in production, I'm confident that I've got a financially successful venture on my hands. And besides, my grandfather told me with his dying breath that I was to blow that money anyway — that my parents were untrustworthy imbeciles, that they would squander it themselves on more idiotic things, that me burning all of his life's savings would be a better fate for it than to be laundered by my mother and father. I get where the old man was coming from. After all, termites are worth the money more than my parents are. The same goes for oxygen.
> 
> Every cloud has a silver lining, though. Since we've got Scotch Tape, Krazy Glue, and my father's old rusty stapler on hand, there's a chance we can reassemble a good portion of this money. What's more, not only is Skyler helping me on this project, but I even invited Hobo Joe over for extra assistance. In return, we're giving him a piping hot meal and someplace to sleep that isn't the freezing cold auditorium of that abandoned high school. I'm sure Rupert the Cat will love it at our house, too! As usual, I'll film everything. You never know when some candid footage will be a good fit for your cinematographic projects.
> 
> Well, it's time I got back to taping — whether "taping" means filming video footage or crudely repairing half-eaten Benjamin Franklins is up to you. Hasta la vista!


	30. ITS ALL IN THE FAMILY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So school was out today as our school gym is being used as a POLL STATION: DONALD TRUMP and JOE BIDEN battle to the death today in the great arena of US POLITICS. Wow honestly I was a undesided voter until today, well tbh I am too young to vote but if I could i would vote JOE BIDEN cause thats what Shu is saying is the best pick. Actually Shu says she wanted Elizabeth warrin to win the primarys but that it's all in the past: d*mn this girl knows her stuff :)
> 
> So why am I talking about shu so much, well you see she actually invites me to her house today as the polls mean school is closed down today. Needless to say much fun is had at Shus house: splashing in the INDOOR POOL (Shu looks great in swim suit), playing BILLARDS on the pool table and eating something called filae minion which is even better than Papa johns. Shus parents are also very nice saying I can come over as much as I want as long as I promise to VOTE DEMACRAT when i am old enough. Now i am in her grand study writing this chap chap, this is where her dad writes many best selling books idk what their about tho.
> 
> Anyway time to go back to chillin so enjoy the chap chap

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 8:15 PM  
SETTING: HUAREZ MEXICO

The rubble clears as theres no more NEW HUAREZ or even a REGULAR HUAREZ: its more like a giant a** hole in the ground filled with ROCKS, destroyed SKY SCRAPERS and all the people who got crushed in the process. Needless to say its a scary sight accept for the cold and dead SHARKMAN with a bolder laying on his head: SCORE this ones a CORPSER, good luck getting in with the b*tches when your dead for a 2nd time. Now crawling out of the wreckidge are the only survivers: ME, DREAM GUY, LAVAGIRL and MAX THE DREAMER still astro projected in the body of JUNIES GRANDPA. Needless to say Lord minus is no where in sight, d*mn he probably warped away using Dream vortex. Also Demon pete is nearby still passed out from cr*ck: a horrible fate for a hero like him.

DREAM GUY: Holy h*ll I guess that really is THE END for NEW HUAREZ.

ME: Right, that story line went on long enough tho. 

LAVAGIRL: Wait Skyler more rubble is moving!

MAX: Oh boy here we go

Now coming out of the rubble we see something new: it's JUNY CORTES who survives inprisonment and the judgement day of NEW HUAREZ with his spy skills and what's more hes holding the CERAMIC FARMHOUSE he got from Cracker barrell to give to his sister. So wandering up to us he chomps on a CHICKEN BISKY, wait how did you get that anyway Juny: oh well its not relevent right now.

JUNY: Hey there guys: some how I sruvived!

Needless to say Maxes eyes while still in JUNIES GRANDPAS body are wide.

MAX: Hey Juny f*ckface: remember when you SHOT ME IN THE STREETS?

JUNY: Huh?

Now Max grabbing the sides of Junies grandpa neck goes for a brudal NECK SNAP: the crunch is so bad it sounds like PEANUT BRITTLE and with a boom the old man falls dead to the ground. Needless to say no amount of HEART HEALTHY W**D is bringing this geezer back: hes total toast. Now Juny dropping his chicken bisky to the grounds at a LOSS OF WORDS.

ME: D*mn sorry about your gramps bro.

JUNY: Me too (sheds a tear) well at least this makes Max and me EVEN now, wonder what my sister would of thought.

CARMEN: Why don't you find out for yourself.

Everyone gasping whips around and sees it: CARMEN the CARTELL LEADER pushes out of the wreckidge, wearing a extra hard hard hat on her head and twirling 2 GLOCKS around in her fingers. Then with a POW POW POW POW the bullots go flying: ME, DREAM GUY, and LAVAGIRL all gets shot in the ankle making us collaspe like the NEW HUAREZ CAVE SEALING did. Now training both glocks on Juny her younger bro don't know what to say: reaching over he offers the CEMARIC FARMHOUSE as a piece offering.

JUNY: Carmen I looked all over for you (crying) what is going on here.

CARMEN: Foolish brother: I was the CARTELL LEADER all along.

JUNY: What

CARMEN: Yes its true: when the O.S.S (ORGANISATION OF SUPER SPYS) sent me here to find the DAGGER OF CAIN before the A.S.S (ACOSSICATION OF SINISTER SPY'S) could the cartell kidnapped me and our grandpa. However before too long I learn that the cartell life is GREAT INDEED, rising up the ranks I become theyre LEADER and well here we are now.

JUNY: Your sick Carmen why didnt you tell me

Needless to say a evil snear comes across Carmens face: looks like SHE MEANS BUSINESS.

CARMEN: Don't you get it little bro this was about censorship all along

JUNY: What how.

CARMEN: I had become a horrible person Juny and was TOO AFRAID to change my ways. However even more then that I was TOO AFRAID TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH. So what do I do, I lie to you and censor my true ways from you so that you can continue living in youre f***ing fantasy world where big sis Carmen is a GOOD PERSON.

JUNY: What the f*ck Carmen, you and I both know this world is a sh*thole your not protecting me from SH*T. Besides I HAVE DONE SOME F***ED UP SH*T AS WELL.

CARMEN: Oh please like what.

JUNY: I killed so many cartell members

CARMEN: Yes and I have killed many many enemies of the cartell: YOUR POINT?

JUNY: I shot a kid in the street

CARMEN: And as the leader of the CARTELL I over see the SEX TRAFFICING OPERATIONS.

JUNY: Then perhaps Carmen you and I are BOTH F***ED UP by the horrible sh*t life puts us thru.

CARMEN: Point is Juny is thanks to you the CARTELL is now destroyed and my life value is a 0 SUM: as such I must kill you and with your SPILLED BLOOD AND GORE on the sands of HUAREZ the world will see who of us is really right!

DREAM GUY: This is so awful Skyler should we help him?

ME: Nah we got shot in the feet and besides this is theyre fight.

Needless to say the FIGHT IS ON. As Carmen pulls the triggers on her 2 glocks Juny goes for a dodge and then crams his CHICKEN BISKY into his sisters mouth: her taste buds now aquainted only to cr*ck and other drugs start to misfire. So hacking and coughing like she has corona virus Carmen stumples back: GAME TIME for Juny as he goes for a c*nt punt. Planting his New balances into his sisters p***y she falls to the sand. However not 1 to go down so easy she flings a cr*ck needle into Junies neck: just like he was in the HUAREZ CRACKER BARELL the secret spy is high in a instant.

JUNY: I loved you sister: we do not always have to agree so STOP THIS FIGHTING!

CARMEN: Sorry Juny but this is for your own good

JUNY: I thought there was some thing POWERFUL between us.

CARMEN: You thought wrong

However from nowhere a SMOKING HEAP falling from the sky: what the f*** is that is it a metier or something. Now coming closer and closer we can all make out some details: LONG HAIR, TAN SKIN and BIG BULKY ARMS. Needless to say as he crashes into the ground a big shock wave clears us aside: emerging from the dust is a SHLING as a mashete flys out. Now his face is appearing: WRINKLED and OLD but still BADA** AS ALL SH*T. It is MASHETE the BOSS SPY OF O.S.S (ORGANISATION OF SECRET SPIES) ready to put some f***ers in there place. D*mn now there REALLY IS something powerful between Juny and carmen: THERE BADA** UNCLE.

MASHETE: Oi ninos, que pasa is happening here right the f*ck now.

JUNY: Oh uncle: GRANDPA just killed himself.

CARMEN: Yes now Juny and i are in a FIGHT TO THE DEATH: how the h*** did you get here.

Uncle mashete wipes space dust from his mustach and growls

MASHETE: Planet drool blows up while I was still on it: good news tho as I STUCK THE LANDING.

Needless to say what a stroke of good luck, I am so happy Mashete is here he will bring peace to the 2 siblings and make them kiss and make up but only in a metaphor sense cause other wise it would be INCEST and were in Mexico right now not ALABAMA.

MASHETE: Oh well lets get to the point, (passing a glock to Juny) Juny quit being a p*ssy and kill your TRAITOR SISTER already as she has spewed enough lies up to this point.

Oh: NEVER MIND about the peace thing.

JUNY: But Uncle mashete she is my sister, I can not kill

MASHETE: I am BOSS SPY so you have no choice.

JUNY: Ah f**k...

Now staring down Carmen as she pumps a SMG: it seems that the FINAL BATTLE of NEW HUAREZ is at hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, its Skylers friend Shu writing from my house, wow I had no idea she had such a crazy story and now I am supposed to write end notes for it??? Apparently her big brother Leighton normally does them but since he isnt here right now I guess its up to me haha. Honestly seeing Juny and Carmen fight in this chapter reminds me of how Skyler and her own brother fight, I hear about it all the time especially given how he seems to hate Gilbert and me, well I guess its fair enough because I hate Gilbert and myself too haha!
> 
> Now I hate to make things political but... look today is a very special day and its worth mentioning that if you can vote you need to go out there and vote. Unless youre going to vote for Trump, in that case please stay home because its not worth it. As many of you know Trump is a woman handler who wants to grab young women like me in the pussy, honestly Id like to see him try ten years from now when Im in Congress because I would smack him so hard that the Fox News staff would be making editorials about it for the next century. Lets be honest, no well meaning woman wants their pussy grabbed by Trump, so lets vote in Joe Biden today so we have a chance with an actual candidate next time, who knows it might even be me haha.
> 
> PS to Leighton... yeah no offense but based on your previous notes you seem a little right winger to me. No I dont want to shove "all men into livestock pens" but to be honest if you continue being a fucking pig then maybe youd be better off as bacon
> 
> Thanks for reading, Shu Zeng


	31. NO CHOICE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after chillin with Shu the other day I come home and needless to say Leigh leigh is not happy. :( Basically he reads prev chap chap and sees that Shu calls him a right winger and a pig: now he is saying I should NEVER TALK TO HER AGAIN. Whats more he says that Gilby is as good as trash too and is a bad influence for me. We argue about it during break fast (strawberry potarts and banana) and Hobo joe even backs me up. In specefic Leighton points out my TF2 game play, my support of JOE BIDEN and my REFUSAL TO DO PIT CHECK. Well NEWS FLASH for you Leighton but PIT CHECK IS NOT EFFICENT, you can take a shower in like 1 MINUTE in the same amount of time, h*ll even skip shampoo most the time I know I do. SO YEAH YOUR NOT AS COOL AS YOU THINK.
> 
> Message for EVERYONE reading my story: always remember FAMILY IS IMPORTANT but you do not have to BOW DOWN TO THEM. YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE TO DO WHAT YOUR WANT TO DO. So go j chillin with your friends go play the games you wanna play and even vote for JOE BIDEN if you want: STEER YOUR OWN DESTANY!
> 
> P.S I hope JOE BIDEN wins: if he does then its PARTY TIME at Shus house!

DATE: FEBUARY 15 202X  
TIME: TUESDAY 8:30 PM  
SETTING: HUAREZ MEXICO

Sunset over the ruins of NEW HUAREZ and REGULAR HAUREZ as the final battle of brother and sister keeps on going. Needless to say it is so tense but with bullets in our feet ME, DREAM GUY, and LAVAGIRL can do nothing but watch as JUNY and CARMEN CORTES battle to the death: shooting at eachother with a GLOCK and a SMG the carnidge is brudal. A dodge here a strafe there. So no blood and gore is spilled yet but MASHETE in the back ground is clearly gaggin for it as he hoots n hollers like a Trump republican at a Hooters happy hour

MASHETE: Ay claro Juny you have not finish the job already: use ese gun in tus manos and kill that pendejo already!

CARMEN: F**k you Uncle mashete you sent me into the desert knowing D*MN WELL the CARTELL would kidnap me.

JUNY: Oh gee whiz: is that true my uncle?

MASHETE: (pssshhhing and hand waving) Never mind that Juny she DISTRACTS you from what really matters! Now put a cap up her a** so we can ven aqui back to the O.S.S already!

So Juny gulping and sucking it up knows what he must do: bolting forward he goes to shoot Carmen again only to TRIP on the unconscnience body of DEMON PETE meaning the fat middle age man SPILLS A** on the sand. Whats more the cr*ck needle Carmen injects Juny with last chap chap is REALLY HITTING DIFFERENT now. Needless to say Juny trying to get up on his feet is looking less ALL AMERICAN and more ALLZEIMERS right now. If you were there YOU WOULD OF THOUGHT HE WAS CHALLENGED FOR SURE. Laughing with evil Carmen walks up and pricks him with round 2 of cr*ck: this time the dose is INDUSTRAL GRADE meaning Junies out for the count.

JUNY: Unnnnngghhhhh

CARMEN: Ez pickings my brother: PREPARE FOR DEATH.

Needless to say ME, DREAM GUY, and LAVAGIRL can do f**k all but watch at this point. So waltsing up to her bro Carmen lifts a CAVE SEALING ROCK from the ground and rises it high above her head: once she pounds it down on Junies head HE'LL BE AS GOOD AS DEAD. So the fat ginger cries on the ground thinking how bad he f***ed it up while his uncle growls in the back, sounds like a old man clutching 1 out on the Cracker barell toilet.

MASHETE: You really sh*t the bed this time Juny: prepare for muerto and frankly YOU DESERVE IT.

Now death time for Juny: he closes his eyes and crys like a b*tch as Carmen gets ready to DROP THE BALL but in a metaphor sense cause shes actually holding a rock. However seeing her bro she has a memory: thinking of when they were kids, how they saved the world with heroism not once not twice but THRICE as seen in the SPY KIDS movies. How she always help little bro get up when he gets in trouble. How he always help her too and now look where they are now. Trying to f***ing kill themselves for no good reason at all.

CARMEN: I... i can't do it

Now the cr*ck is wearing off for Juny: regaining senses he SLIDE KICKS Carmens legs. Needless to say the attack is beyond her comprehend and with a BOOM big sis Carmen is out for the count on the ground. Juny now realising Carmen SPARES HIS LIFE chucks his glock to the ground: battle is OVER.

MASHETE: What the f*** is this sh*t.

JUNY: Sorry Mashete but I wont shoot big sis Carmen.

MASHETE: But you have to: she BETRAYS US ALL like the pendejo she is.

JUNY: But whats 1 good reason to kill her.

MASHETE: I am BOSS SPY so you have no choice.

Now Juny thinks over this hard line of logic then finally says what hes gotta say

JUNY: F**k you MASHETE you have not have a good idea this WHOLE F***ING TIME.

MASHETE: QUE.

JUNY: You make me kill Max the dreamer in the streets: IT DIDN'T EVEN DO ANY THING.

ME: Good point Juny: also Mashete made me kill kids at PLANET DROOL for nothing!

JUNY: Yeah so really Uncle mashete no offense but your sick!

Needless to say Mashete is not liking this much at all: whipping ahead he grabs Junies dropped glock and HOLDS IT TO HIS HEAD. Now passing him the CERAMIC FARMHOUSE he points to Carmens skull and makes a swing motion: seems like MASHETE MEANS BUSINESS.

MASHETE: Bash her f*cking skull in or YOUR WORM SH*T!

JUNY: NO UNCLE!

MASHETE: (squeazing trigger) DO IT YOU PENDEJO B*TCH, DO IT!

JUNY: (crying and lifting up CERAMIC FARMHOUSE) CARMEN I'M SORRY!

And then the sound of a big boom: however looking over its not the CERAMIC FARMHOUSE exploding into 100000 peaces against CARMENS SKULL but something else instead. Now busting out of the rock comes DEMON PETE his KISS THE DEVIL apron waving in the wind like a superheros cape. Needless to say the satanic monster is NOT HAPPY and grabbing Uncle mashete the evil demon starts taking cheap shots. 1 punch after another, holy sh*t it's a BEATDOWN and Mashete is only getting sissy slaps in, I AM LAUGHING SO HARD.

DEMON PETE: Cool off b*tch: your not as COOL as you think.

Now Juny scrambling off ground looks at DEMON PETE: the h*llish monster winks to Juny and he knows now its not DEMON PETE but instead MAX THE DREAMER who astro projects into Petes body after Junies grandpa dies. Since the old man is dead he and Juny are even now and can unite against this chap chaps TRUE ENEMY: the blood thirtsy monster known as MASHETE.

MAX: Tell you what Mashete... YOUR NOT AS STRONG AS YOU THINK

MASHETE: (gasping for air, thinking of a bluff) LET GO OF ME AHORA: otherwise you will be face by UNCLE MASHETES INTESTENAL FINISHER.

JUNY: NO NOT THE INTESTENAL FINISHER!

MASHETE: Si si puto, my SPECIAL MOVE where I slice their tummy's rip out their intestines then wrap them around my big fat---

Needless to say MAX THE DREAMER as DEMON PETE is not impress: going for 1 more thick punch to Mashetes face, the man is too stunned to stop what happen next: bending over real quick MAX unpants Mashete with a quick pulling down manuver. Now BOSS SPY is without trousers and his nasty a** p*nis hangs out in PLAIN SIGHT. Wow I do not know what Mashete was planning on wrappin those intestines around cause THIS THING IS NOT A CHONKER. Seems like the only big fat thing Mashete has is HIS ATTATUDE. Yuck put that gross d*ck away: Mashete is looking pretty cut (this time I REALLY DO mean his d*ck: botch circumsicion means his 2 inch c*ck is bent at 90 degrees)

MAX: Pathetic (chunks Mashete to the ground) now Juny please DO THE HONORS.

So Juny nodding swings the CERAMIC FARMHOUSE: with a KAPOW a 100000 peaces go flying and Mashetes out cold. SPILLED BLOOD and GORE spilling from his head but using my dream powers I bandidge him up. Needless to say this old man learns his lessen and will THINK TWICE before making his neace and nephew kill each other again: SUCK IT.

MASHETE: Ayyy clarroooooooooooo (passes out, tounge hanging out)

Now everyone is at a loss of words

JUNY: Uhhhh well that was some thing allright...

CARMEN: Uncle mashete: more like Uncle Ma-SH*THEAD!

Needless to say everyone laughs and just like that the NEW HUAREZ trouble is done FOR GOOD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, all. It's Leighton. I won't be prefacing these end notes with a principal filmography journal notice, as I was far too upset today to even get around to working on my film. Skyler and I had a bit of a spat during breakfast today, and even Hobo Joe requested that I reconsidered my worldview. Though, to be honest, I don't think Hobo Joe understands my predicament. He doesn't have to take care of a younger sibling. No, he only has to take care of Rupert the Cat, who often fends for himself by catching mice and rats anyway.
> 
> I'm sorry, Skyler. The truth is that I only want to protect you.
> 
> Our parents never shielded me from the truth of the world. They told me that I would never amount to anything, that I'd never make it to film school, that I should take the stick out of my a** and settle for some dead-end job like they did. They never let me believe in happiness and hope, they spanked me with a belt whenever I stepped out of line, and they told me our grandfather was a horrible, horrible person.
> 
> The truth is that they're just projecting. We know who the horrible people are. By the time you came around, they'd "mellowed out". They'd "come to terms with it".
> 
> So, I apologize if I ever act stern with you, like I don't want you to have dreams or aspirations of your own. I just want to protect you, but I'm not always sure how, and...
> 
> Well, maybe I'm just jealous of what YOU got to grow up with, Skyler.
> 
> I'm sorry.


	32. CALM BEFORE THE STORM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there folks :) so needless to say even tho the carnidge of NEW HUAREZ is over at last the story is nowhere near done :( think about it... there are so many threats still running about. LORD MINUS, MR ELECTRIC.EXE, the DAGGER OF CAIN and more. Wow, it will probably take another 32 CHAP CHAPS to really wrap things up so instead of ending it here THIS IS ONLY THE 1ST HALF OF THE STORY. Soon you will find a SEQUEL posted on my page as the SPY WARS CONTINUE TO RAGE ON.
> 
> In other news holy f**k could they finish counting the votes already. Seriously i need JOE BIDEN to win the election so that Shu can be a happy person and so that we can have that big party at her house. Needless to say every one will be there: me, Hanna Gilby and Shu for sure. No word on wether Lucas will make it or not but if 1 thing is for sure YOU WILL NOT SEE FARLEY THERE, EAT SH*T YOU FRECKLE FACE LOSER. So yeah I'm very excite for the party :) after repairing a wopping 85 per cent of Leigh leighs anty wanty infested inheritence I buyed a yummy COOKIE CAKE for the party that says DUMP THE TRUMP on it: see you later p**sy grabber.
> 
> Also after Leigh leighs heart felt apology last chap chap I could not resist his request for more creative control so I hope you enjoy what he contrabutes near the end: enjoy!

DATE: FEBUARY 16 202X  
TIME: WENESDAY 12:30 PM  
SETTING: O.S.S HQ

So as the sun hangs high in the sky that after noon its a real pretty day for the spy's in the lunch room of the O.S.S (ORGANISATION OF SUPER SPY'S). Needless to say we're all having a HUGE A** PARTY cause the hidden A.S.S (ACCOSICATION OF SINISTER SPYS) base located in NEW HUAREZ is now squished under 100000000 POUNDS OF ROCK. So tbh its not a total win as Lord minus got away with the DAGGER OF CAIN: hey you gotta take the small victorys cause the cartell being gone for good is a huge thumbs up as far as I am conserned. Wow there are so many people here: ME, DREAM GUY, LAVAGIRL, MAX in the body of DEMON PETE, JUNY CORTES, CARMEN CORTES, and more. Also MASHETE rolls up in a wheel chair having learn his lessen in the last chap chap: get f***ed old man and learn to stay in line next time.

ME: Oh look guys its the BOSS SPY.

MASHETE: Ay claro pendejo I am BOSS SPY no longer: don't you know what this party is for.

ME: Huh, I thought it was cause NEW HUAREZ is toast.

MASHETE: No hombre, are you estupido the NEW HUAREZ mission was a total failure: Lord minus got away with the DAGGER OF CAIN in what world is that considered a success.

Sh*t, Mashetes got a point: but wait what IS this party for anyway.

ME: What is this party for anyway.

???: Its for the election results of course!

Now walking up to us is someone new: wearing black robes, a head band around her fore head, and a bad a** NINJA SWORD put into her sheath. Needless to say you can tell this girl GOES HARD and if you were there YOU WOULD OF BEEN INTIMITATED FOR SURE. So I must admit I was acting like a right proper mess: d*mn this girl is even more EYE CATCHING then Carmen is and shes actually my age to. Looking over to DREAM GUY he does not notice me and my wide eyes thank G*d.

ME: Wait (blushing) who are you.

SHU: My name is Shu, I am a young spy prodigy who wants nothing more than to get more young people into the field of spy politics. As you can see I soundly defeated my opponent, Machete, because after his actions in New Juarez, all the spies of the O.S.S. were sick and tired of his crude actions. Theyre right to feel that way, and as such I was voted into office, which is a good sign for our group because Im the first woman to lead this organization in its entire history.

(Haha wow: Shu is GREAT at writing dialog.)

DREAM GUY: Wow shu that is so cool.

LAVAGIRL: Yeah for sure!

MAX: I have been a kid a old man and now a demon but NEVER a woman, thats how you know its SPECIAL.

MASHETE: Chinga tu madre this is unaceptable, ladies are for kissing and for f*cking not for LEADING.

So Max the dreamer as DEMON PETE bonks Mashete on the head with his Luciferian ladle: with a solid WHAP the blood thirsty uncle is out cold and we all laugh again

ME: Silly Uncle mashete: WHY NOT ALL 3?

SHU: Oh wow Skyler, thats very progressive of you, anyways lets get back to the party. After all were just "Biden" our time until the victory cake shows up, and were also formulating our new attack plan against the A.S.S. because after all this war isnt over yet.

So its sad to say it is so true, but for now we all enjoy the post election party. Even after 32 chap chaps I was not able to resolve the conflict so pretty soon you will find SPY KIDS x SHARKBOY: LINUS STRIKES BACK on my profile as the story continues. Needless to say spy wars is only beginning...

=============SCENE CHANGE=============

It was as black as night in the void of space, and there was no truth to be found in that darkness. All around me, fragments upon fragments of planetary debris hovered about, free at last from the grip of Planet Drool's gravitational fields. That was, of course, because Planet Drool was nothing more than a memory now. With the death of Max the Dreamer's dream journal, so came the untimely demise of his fantasy world. Needless to say, many perished in the explosion. However, I was barely clinging to life as I floated through the remains of the demolished paradise. It would not be much longer until my brain finally succumbed to a lack of oxygen, and then, my consciousness would be lost to the void forever.

At least, that was how it appeared at first.

As impossible as it seemed, a miracle emerged from the endless expanse of space in the form of a futuristic-looking vessel. A shuttle, its form sleek and intimidating, its exterior constructed of some vantablack material that was barely visible against the background of the cosmos. Then, from its underbelly, a tractor beam — one that surrounded my body mere moments before I could fall into eternal quietus. Somehow, one way or another, I had survived.

Hours passed before I finally awoke. My rescuer stared down at me, his expression scornful, yet not unfriendly.

"Get up, Leighton," the young man said. "You have yet a role to play."

As I shook myself back into consciousness, I rubbed the sand off my eyes and looked around me. The interior of the spaceship was almost alarming to look at, with pipes channeling a dark purple substance all about, something dark and harrowing — liquid nightmares, the fuel to this godforsaken vessel. In each corner of the machine, piles of toys, books, and drawings lay in disheveled heaps. Dreams. Not healthy ones, either. Dying dreams.

"Who are you?" I said to the young man.

"Some call me the Nightmare Guy," he replied astutely. "And just like you, I was also forgotten, and left on Planet Drool to die."

I nodded — indeed, it was a terrible, terrible fate.

"You are not afraid?" the Nightmare Guy said.

"No," I responded. 

"Why?"

I thought it over — how could I not be afraid, even when faced by the most terrible dream of them all?

"Because," I stated, "I have been faced with so many nightmares, I have learned to not be afraid of them. Because dreams can mislead and frighten, too, once we awaken to the reality that truly faces us. Nightmares are reflections of truth. Why, then, should I fear the inevitable?"

The Nightmare Guy smiled. It was a hopeful expression — the face of a man who had finally been understood.

"Then perhaps we will get together quite well," he said to me, "for many others have yet to learn this lesson."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's Leighton. Sorry that I haven't been working on that film so much. Skyler, Hobo Joe, Rupert, and I have just been taking it easy. A lot has been happening recently, and as you might imagine, I'm under quite a bit of stress. Our father's health isn't showing any signs of improving. I wonder how much of this termite-chewed cash will go towards his hospital bills once it's all over... well, to be honest, I finally deposited it into a bank account. For the first time, I now possess a debit card. It's crazy how quickly the world moves along.
> 
> My experiences at the bank gave me an alarming epiphany, however. Once this inheritance runs out, then I'll be dead in the water. What's more, I've got nothing of note on my résumé aside from my education and a little bit of filmography experience. Therefore, I've vowed to finally bite the bullet and apply for a job. A local business has been searching for a social media manager, and I feel like I am qualified enough for the position. I can make video promos. I can make written advertisements. I mean, I'm basically running a blog here already, right? I wonder if I should put this on my CV or not.
> 
> Well, wish me luck. Now that Skyler's intending to give me more creative control of her story moving forward, I'll hopefully gain even more writing experience in the process. Though this half of the story is over, never fear — you'll see more of me in the upcoming sequel, SPY KIDS x SHARKBOY: LINUS STRIKES BACK.
> 
> Until then, however, hasta la vista.


End file.
